Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Christmas Allergies

Merry Christmas everyone!

This Christmas is picture perfect, it looks like Winter Wonderland outside - just like I remember from when I was a kid - a nice change from the rain we've had the past ten years.

I have also discovered I have an allergy. It only seems fair - everybody else seems to have them, no wonder I got one too. I'm allergic to kids.

It makes perfect sense. I'm very rarely sick, and when I am it's just a cold that passes in a few days. But these past few months I seem to only have short breaks between colds - they go on for ever. And the only change? - Kids. I'm obviously allergic.

It truly does suck to have been halfway woozy, have no energy, and worst of all - no sense of taste or smell, for a week now. I know I whine about that every time I get sick but I can't help it! It's the worst thing there is. Imagine a world without taste!

I've been cleaning, cooking, baking, sewing, polishing, decorating and dusting for weeks now, somehow it doesn't seem quite fair that this should be my reward...

I guess my reward is everyone else seems to be enjoying the holidays, and with a turkey in the oven and stuffing in the making it's really not all bad after all :)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Shock and Awe

"But I thought you were shy.." the guys said last night. I put my hand on the knee of one of them as he was sitting in front of me, looking him deep in the eyes. "I thought you were shy."

I was a shy kid. I was a shy teenager. I'm still quiet when I'm not comfortable, but I'll talk to anyone about anything - as long as there's a topic and not small talk. I never really got the hang of small talk.

I remember when I was younger, in class or with friends. I'd make a critical comment about something and people would stare at me, no matter if they'd said the same thing themselves. I was told that because I so rarely said something bad, it was so much worse when I did. I was supposed to be nice, that's what they were used to. I settled for nice. It was just easier that way.

When you grow up in a place like this, a small town where "everybody knows each other" people really do seem to think they know you. Even if they haven't seen you since you were fourteen, they still think you're the same person you were back then. Most people don't change a lot, myself included, and we're all guilty of assuming people are they way they always were.

So when that guy said "But I thought you were shy" when I had my hand on his knee and looked him in the eye, it wasn't because I did something shocking. I had simply raised my voice (quite a bit - pretending to be a teacher for a few months, and being around noisy kids all the time, has had an unwanted side effect) to get the attention of the three or four twenty year olds in the room - I wanted to ask them if they knew where the kitchen was. Getting someone's attention is always easier when you give them a poke, and getting an answer is easier when having eye contact. And when you get a little loud.

How quiet must I have been to make guys six years my juniors think it's shocking that I can actually raise my voice?

I'm curious how people think of me today.

And I can't help but wonder.. have I really changed that much at all?

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Monday, November 22, 2010

Thoughts and dreams

Last night I dreamt I was on a bed and suddenly saw someone I've slept with have sex with someone else. The girl was on top, then he turned her around and got on top. That's when I saw it was him.. for two seconds before it wasn't him anyway. That felt indescribably... weird. Especially since I knew the girl too.

I've never been the kind of person who can sleep with someone without feeling anything. It happens whether I want it to or not, and I've always wondered what it would be like to just... not care. When sex is just sex, and forgotten the next day. It must be so easy. Convenient. Not to feel. I'm just not like that.

I don't mean that I need to be in love to sleep with someone, nor that I fall in love afterwards. Still, it's.. different. I care more, whether it's platonic or something else. Which is why it does feel weird to sleep with someone then basically never talk to them again. I hate to leave things hanging, not to get an end to things. Not to know what happened, if anything at all.

I'm more committed to my words than to my feelings. That's not always a good thing.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Dentist

I mentioned a story about big body parts, a small mouth, and going "aaah". I realize what that sounds like, but it's nothing like that at all - I simply went to see the dentist.

I always hated going to the dentist when I was a kid. We used to see this old guy with huge hands. He never wore gloves. I hated it partly because I didn't want to have any cavities and know I hadn't been good enough at brushing my teeth, partly because my jaws just didn't open that big without being forced. It hurt. A lot.

The old dentist retired years ago and the ones I've seen since have all been nice. Still; a trip to the dentist is never pleasant. And for the first time in years I felt that horrible pain in my jaw that comes from keeping my mouth open for too long at a time.

It felt slightly wrong sitting in the dentist's chair thinking of blow jobs - the pain in the jaw was exactly the same as it used to way back when...

Friday, November 19, 2010

Do you have any idea how long it takes to fold 155 pairs of underwear?

Me neither.

I only folded the hipsters and the panties, which leaves the thongs and the strings.

I am not folding all of those.

Again, for the eighty-seventh time (at least); I have too much underwear!

But how on earth do I stop buying them when they make them as cute as they do?

It's really not my fault at all...

(except for.. you know.. the not-so-secret fact that I love lingerie... and that I already had a label called that...)

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Am sick

I've had a head full of concrete (usually when I'm sick it's cotton, but this is definitely concrete) for a week now, I'm told I sound like a dog when I cough, half the time I can't even understand my own raspy voice when I'm talking, and I don't have a clue what the hell is wrong with my throat..

At least I'm not all snotty with a runny nose and losing my sense of taste and smell - that's what I hate the most about being sick. It seems like a strange kind of cold without all those icky bits.

I have a story about big body parts, a small mouth, opening wide and going 'aaah', but that will have to wait for another day. It really wouldn't sound too exciting in the context of snotty and icky...

Next morning: don't ever speak too highly of what you have; you never know when you'll wake up and have lost it completely..

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Too many thoughts

I have too many thoughts in my head to be able to put even a single one of them down in writing. They're about anything and anyone, and a few probably wouldn't be appropriate to put on here. You never know who might read it, and for some reason I've stopped typing out every random thought in my head.

I'll try and figure out something worthwhile to say, and in the mean time I'll leave you with this; a series of photos from Kappadokia, Turkey. Google has been kind enough to translate the accompanying article for us (I recommend reading it if you like the photos) but I think the pictures mostly speak for themselves, don't you?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Last night I cut off my testicles

In a dream, of course.

Which is kinda weird since I'm a girl and therefore don't have any...

I think, in my dream, I knew a guy who'd done it, and I thought that there was no reason to keep mine; they didn't do anything and they were just in the way anyway. There were no other guy-parts, but apparently it was normal for girls to have balls down there somewhere. I'm not entirely sure where they were attached though...

I remember thinking guys might find it weird, me not having any, and the argument against plastic surgery jumped into my head; why fix something that isn't broken, you never know what complications will arise.

But I did it anyway, I sat down and cut them off with a pair of scissors. Unlike guy's testicles they were two separate things, hanging by two different bits of skin about 5mm in diameter. When I cut them off, and it didn't hurt, there was some sort of tube inside.. it looked like hollowed out spaghetti (definitely inspired by the fried squid rings I made a week ago which looked exactly the same inside).

Then I think I woke up, because I don't remember why I was doing it or what happened afterwards. I didn't even remember the dream until 12 hours later.

Gross, you say?
Kinda, I suppose.

I've never liked football or volleyball, but there are some ball games I do like... as long as the balls belong to the right guy. But being a proud owner myself? I think I'll pass.

*I have a feeling next time I see a pair I'll investigate them thoroughly to see exactly what they look like, where they're attached and how one might.. remove them. That was a weird dream...*

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

New Experiences

The past couple months I've been a substitute teacher (or been "playing teacher" as I call it) a few days a week at the local school. I've done everything from Norwegian and Maths to cooking and PE and I'm more convinced than ever that I'll never want to a teacher. Not that I ever thought I would.

It's not that I don't like it - some days are great; nice kids, having fun. Other days... well, take yesterday; four hours with seven years old yelling, followed by two hours in the computer room with ten year olds (fun actually), then one hour with a bunch of eight year olds; one of which would not surprise me if he told me he was raised by a bunch of monkeys. Or teenage boys. Can one get sexually harassed by an eight year old?

I'd never have the patience for that kind of job.

But all in all - I like it. It's something new, I love being stressed and sure get enough of that when I'm there; I never know what I'm gonna be doing until five minutes before I have to do it... if I'm lucky. I've wanted to do something like this for a while; observing the educational system from behind the scenes in a country first hand, especially a country as bound to its ideals of streamlining everything as this one, is fascinating. And I'm bound to come out of it with new experiences - perhaps I'll even learn something!

One thing I do find especially amusing is life in the teacher's lounge. Seeing what the teachers really do in there, I think all kids wonder about that. Lunch conversations are interesting and the people are nice. It's especially interesting talking to others my age, often coming in from the outside, giving their perspectives on things and the town. Conversation turns to people you know and before you know it you have learned quite a few new things about them.

It's fascinating to see someone you halfway know through another person's eyes. It can be different from your own ideas, different from the impressions acquaintances give off. Or exactly the same, only you weren't looking. Little bits of new information, constantly acquired, to make the picture more whole, fill in the blanks, making you see things a little more clearly. Or perhaps it just gets more confusing.

People do always tend to talk more about people's bad qualities than about the good ones. Perhaps there's a reason for that.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Autumn break

The parents suddenly decided to take off in the morning so it looks like I'll have the house to myself for a few days.

I only wish the weather could have stayed as beautiful as it's been the past week, but it seems real autumn weather is on its way. If the reports are right, we could be getting just under two inches of rain tomorrow.

I have a feeling I'll be spending the next few days cooped up inside...

Friday, October 01, 2010

The Flintstones are 50!

The prettiest Google logo ever?

The Flintstones was first aired on September 30th 1960, fifty years ago, and has to be one of the most well known cartoons out there. Apart from Donald (of course) this has always been one of my favourites. And there's just something special about theme songs from your childhood...

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Browser with a sense of humour

I tried opening Firefox when it presented an error message:
"Well, this is awkward."

It had tried to open the tabs from a previous session and obviously thought it was rather embarassing when it wasn't able to do so.

- Anyone think IE would phrase it quite like that? :)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

More jokes from Facebook

"Man and wife are making a new password for the computer.
Man types in
Wife falls to the floor laughing cause the computer says "error: too short"."

*thinking wistfully of the ones who were never too short*
(without, of course, being 'too direct' in any way possible..)

Friday, September 24, 2010

Kitty's wet day

"A hungry kitty stood by the river's bank when a bread crumb came along. The kitty reached out, caught the bread crumb, and ate it. Then a slice of bread came down the stream. The hungry kitty cat did the same thing - it reached out, and it ate the the slice of bread. Then half a loaf came down the river. The pussy cat reached out... but then it all went wrong; the pussy slipped, and landed right there in the river with the bread...

The moral of the story is... the bigger the loaf of bread, the wetter the pussy!"

...weird aunts make for awkward and amusing entertainment on Facebook...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Facebook clarification

Of all the things I've seen people post on Facebook, this one has got to be one of the best and worst ones this year;

"August 2010 had 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays and 5 Tuesdays. This only occurs once every 823 years, and according to Feng Shui those who tell their friends about this during the month of September will receive a lot of money. So copy and post!"

  1. I hate chain statuses.
  2. Feng Shui.. money.. tell your friends.. oh please!
  3. This message doesn't even make any sense and is clearly designed to see who has brains... and who doesn't.

Every time August starts on a Sunday, there will be 5 each of Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays. This happens every five or six years, except for when leap years makes August 1st go from Saturday to Monday, skipping Sunday.

Our dates follow a pretty easily discernible pattern; if August 1st is on a Sunday this year, it will be so again in 11 years. Then 6 years, 5, 6, 11, 6, 5, 6, 11 and so on.

Meaning this happens in 1993, 1999, 2004, 2010, 2021, 2027, 2032 etc etc.
Not every 823 years.

The way our calendars are planned, nothing happens only once every 823 years.

What on earth makes people post things like this without checking the facts?

But hey, I shouldn't complain - at least I learned something new today. I do get way too detailed some times...

And maybe I shouldn't be too hard on other people - if it weren't for them, Facebook would be an awfully boring place!

...823 years...

Friday, September 10, 2010

Hackers and the importance of Viagra

Not so impressed with Gmail anymore as it turns out emails they told me were intercepted and "Delivery failed" have been sent anyway.

To quote one recipient: "I got your email about viagra and how important it is".
(It seems not everyone is familiar with the concept of spam...)

Since I know a few of you were seemingly sent that email, could someone let me know whether you got it or not?

I have a feeling I shouldn't be sending out a new mass email asking "Got spam?", but I'm curious to know how many received it... and why Gmail told me no one did.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

I've been hacked!

At 1.14pm I was hacked by someone seemingly located on a mobile device in Germany.

This person sent approximately a hundred emails to people in my address book, resulting in Google shutting it down. Which meant they shut down this blog too.

First of all - if an email got through to you, I'm sorry. I hate getting spam too and I always wonder what people do to get their email addresses taken over.

Second - Gmail seems to have caught pretty much every single email, labeled them as spam, and refused to send them. I am seriously impressed!

Third - to the best of my knowledge I have never had an account hacked before and now I'm not entirely sure how to prevent it from happening again. I'm resetting the obvious options but I'll have to look into it some more in the morning.

I wonder if this means someone has physically been in my Gmail account or if they've hijacked my address from somewhere else.. Either way, I hope they keep their sticky fingers away from my accounts in the future!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Dark Monster

I'm entering my room at night. It's dark. It's late. I leave the lights off until I reach my bed, where I turn on the lamp on my nightstand. I turn towards the bed and stop. I stare, in horror, at what I see.

In the middle of my bed, glaring at me, like something evil, dressed in black - threatening me with eternal damnation.... is a Bible.

My Bible. Do I have a Bible?? (I have a Bible...)

I've got to stop reading books referencing the Bible; I never can resist the temptation to look up the passage and go "Ha ha - it doesn't even say that! Suck at that, sucker!!"

Freaks me out every time I see the damn thing though, never can figure out what the hell a Bible is doing on my bed... (I have a feeling it doesn't want to be in that particular spot any more than I want it there...)

Maybe I should get a Quran, I wonder if that would be equally freaky... 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Playing around

When we're kids we play around; we're police and robbers, pirates, we build tree houses and pretend we're in the jungle. Every fantasy becomes reality... we're someone else for a couple hours - and it feels real.

Then we grow up, and the fun and games are moved to the bedroom. Role playing feels natural to some, but most people can't seem to relax. Reality is so real, fantasy never can be. We pretend with feelings, little lies, not with fun and games. We feel stupid. And awkward.

When did we lose the ability to pretend?

Monday, August 16, 2010

I've been peed on.

Flying ants. In my shirt. Bad day not to wear a bra.

I've been peed on before. Last year, trying to take some photos of blueberries or something similarly pointless, I looked down only to realize my foot was covered with ants.

Not wanting to leave before I'd taken the photos, and of course I wasn't wearing shoes, I got peed on by about a dozen ants. I had the red marks, covering half my left foot, for over three months.

Although last time was.. let's call it unpleasant, this time felt different. It was instant, sudden; like someone stopping me short and tightening every muscle in my body, every fiber in my being directing its attention down my shirt. Something, somewhere was making it hard to breathe.

Turned out I'd got peed on. Still hurt like hell an hour later. Fortunately, aloe vera gently massaged on once in a while did the trick.

The patio gets invaded by these creatures every evening at sunset. I probably should cover up more tomorrow, but knowing myself I probably won't.

I wonder if it hurts more or less if it happens twice...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

A tiny Festival in a tiny Town

Judging by today's headache, I seem to have had a lot of fun last night.

Nice people, nice music, nice weather - and entertainment consisting of a guy playing a grand piano, and watching a game no one seemed to agree on the rules of.

It's quickly becoming a tradition - a music festival they call it, far up the valley one summer night in August. Although fewer guests than last year, it seemed everyone had a great time.

Including me - except when I at one point got stuck between four women talking about the size of their butts for twenty minutes(!). Fortunately  I was rescued by a couple guys who had no interest in butts. At least not in talking about them.

All in all a great night - even down to the half hour walk home at 5am with a bunch of people in various stages of inebriation, two of which fell four feet into a ditch and seemed to think it better to sleep there than actually get up and go home.

Now if only I could figure out where my earrings disappeared off to...

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Bad Idea

Some times I wish bad ideas were labeled as such. That there were sirens going off when you thought of one. Or you'd get electrocuted when you tried going through with one of them.

But most of the time, even though you know something is a bad idea, you'll still go through with it. And then you realize it was an even worse idea than you could have imagined. It ends up being weird. And not good.

Sunday, August 01, 2010


Summer almost over, rained away like autumn will.
Almost time to pick the cherries and the plums.
Not time to make cherry wine.

Me, I'm just bored. I should be bored. I'm stuck.
And I'm tired of making excuses.

I've got to kick myself in the butt and actually do something.

Just gotta figure out what.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Summer adventures

After a week at home I've realized how much I've missed spending some time alone. It's strange how some times you don't know what you've missed until it's actually there - and then you dread losing it again. One more week!

Although I've mostly been doing a whole lot of nothing, I did find one fun thing to do. I'm not quite sure where that thing is going, but at the moment I'm just enjoying the journey. However difficult the directions may be..

Now if it would only stop raining..
The sound of rain is nice enough when you're inside, but
inside does get boring when it's the middle of July and it's
supposed to be summer out there...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

When Night Falls...

The room is dark, but there are sounds outside a door. No light, no footsteps, no voices. Just the sound of someone, or something, breathing, moving on the floor. The silence is eerie, but soothing. After all the screaming and yelling it's a relief to know night has come and the voices have stopped.

It's not a small room, the floor and walls are made of wood. It looks old and doesn't have any furniture. A crate in the corner and some beams to hold up the roof. It looked like there might have been a window in a corner once, but it's too dark to see now. The darkness is the only thing that can protect you here.

When morning comes, the men will be back. You don't know where they'll go, what they'll do to you today. Some days you hear muted screams in the distance. Some still have a fighting spirit left in them, others are too worn down to care anymore. But they all scream when they're taken away. And nobody ever comes back.

The next day, after someone is gone, they'll usually come for you. Not to take you away, but sometimes you think that would have been easier to deal with. The younger of the men is always in a strange mood on days like that. Like a subdued ecstatic one. I wonder if they know the red drops on his shoes are visible. I wonder what he does to them. I wonder, as they take their turns and kill another few pieces of my soul, whether I'll be next.

No wonder I'm always tired when dreams like these fill my nights. This was only a small part of one of a few last night. I seem to be in one of my "two weeks of violent dreams"-periods.. I haven't had one of those for a while, my dreams are usually a lot happier than this.

This dream ended well though. When I was younger I tended to give up, now I fight more in my dreams. Although I do wake up kinda freaked, it did feel pretty good to fly over the ocean at the end, leaving the psycho killers behind..

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Note to self : Bikes

Do not go riding your bike for miles when you haven't been on it for longer than a mile in a year.

Also, do not go riding your bike for miles when the weather report says wind, cold and rain. Especially when you haven't even checked the weather report.

Man my butt hurts..

Time to snuggle up with a movie and something warm, hope I can stick it out for two whole hours!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Home Alone

For the first time in a year!

This evening the rest of the family leaves for the Canaries and I'll have the house to myself for two whole weeks!

What to do for two weeks?

My friend Sleepy simply suggested I host an orgy. Right. He's Dutch. I wonder what that would be like though, creating something like the infamous Plato's Retreat in a tiny town like this. Imagine the drama!

... I should probably stop watching documentaries starting well after midnight...

Two weeks and no plans.. any suggestions?

Monday, July 12, 2010

Explosions in Kampala

So far 74 people have been reported dead, and at least as many injured, in two bomb attacks last night in Kampala, the capital of Uganda. The bombs targeted crowds in two locations where people had gathered to watch the World Cup finals Sunday night.

Somehow this feels closer than any attack in a neighbouring country ever could. I've lived in Kampala. I've been at the Kyadondo Rugby Club where two bombs went off, killing at least 60. It's a relatively small club, very cosy with a couple pool tables and an outdoor barbeque. And a big field where people tended to walk off hand in hand, seeing where their passion, and the eternal summer nights, would take them.

I can't help but think of the people I know there, people who were likely to have gone to watch the World Cup final. Hell, if I had been in Kampala I would probably have been there myself.

Somali militants are said to have placed the bombs, three in total. Uganda has African Union peacekeeping troops in Somalia, a country which has practically been taken over by extremists the past years. The statement from the Somali militants reads;
"We know Uganda is against Islam and so we are very happy at what has happened in Kampala. That is the best news we ever heard."
They obviously haven't been in Kampala; there are as many mosques as there are churches.

It doesn't make much sense, killing people who are gathered to watch a football match. Then again, extremists who aim at killing as many innocent people as possible never did make much sense.

I'm just waiting to hear from friends in Kampala. I know people who lost friends in the attacks... I have to say this is quite surreal. Africa sounds dangerous to most people, but I would never have thought anything like this could ever happen in Kampala.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Meow she said

Kitten jumps in my window, sits there for a while looking out.

Kitten vomits some creature's insides all over the window sill.

Small creatures have long intestines.
Intestines smell ... bad.

I'm really not sure if I could get any more grossed out right now.

Friday, July 09, 2010

Can-on, Can-not

How stupid am I when it takes me a year to figure out the memory card for my camera can be inserted directly into my Asus eee, thereby making the wires redundant and transferral of photos a whole lot easier...

I knew the slot was there. I even tend to take the plastic bit inside it out when I'm bored and waiting for a page to load (strangely enough it's oddly soothing to push it in and out of its slot, feeling it click into place).

Now all that remains is to wait for the first time I forget to take the memory card out of the slot and put it back into the camera. I'm sure it will happen on a day I really really need to take some pictures, and I'm sure I will curse the day, this day, when I figured out it was a good idea to take the card out of the camera in the first place..

Monday, July 05, 2010

US: Texas Republicans oppose Sex, Homosexuals, Sodomy, Freedom, History, Education... and Intelligence

The NY Daily News reported yesterday that the Texas Republicans wish to criminalize oral sex. This does not seem to have reached the European media yet, probably because no one would ever take it seriously. Well think again, fellow Europeans.

I've read through the entire final state platform for the Texas Republicans for the coming two years. It was 25 pages of sighs, eye rolling and flat out shock and open mouthed awe. The Texas Republicans do want to ban oral sex. Or at least "sodomy", which the dictionaries define as;
"Any of various forms of sexual acts held to be unnatural or abnormal, especially anal or oral copulation or bestiality."
Sodomy is only one item on a long list they want to ban or criminalize and is only mentioned once or twice. Their real mortal enemy? Homosexuality!
"We believe that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society, contributes to the breakdown of the family unit, and leads to the spread of dangerous, communicable diseases. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God"
There's clearly no arguing with God.

Homosexuality should not be presented as an acceptable lifestyle, "family" can never include a homosexual "couple" (their qoutation marks, not mine), and homosexuals should never be able to marry or form a partnership of any kind. Anyone who issues a marriage license to a same-sex couple would be facing a jail sentence.

Nor should homosexual ever be able to have custody of a child. In fact, the Texas Republicans group homosexuals and child molestors together, and preferrably such people should not even be allowed to see their own children (if they have any) at all;
"[...] visitation with minor children by such persons should be prohibited but if ordered by the court limited to supervised periods."
And that applies to homosexuals, not just molestors!

I could go on and on, but I think the position of the Texas Republicans comes across quite clearly: "We don't want no damn homos!" Or something like that.

Let's move on to more fun matters: Sex!

I already did mention the sodomy, and that deserves a second look. But wait - there's more!
  •  "We oppose the legalization of sodomy."
  • "We support raising the age of consent for consensual sex to 18 years."
  • "We oppose sale and use of the dangerous “Morning After Pill.”"
  • "We oppose any sex education other than abstinence until heterosexual marriage.".
  • "We urge legislators to prohibit reproductive health care services, including counseling, referrals, and distribution of condoms and contraception through public schools."
  • "We urge more stringent legislation to prohibit all pornography including virtual pornography and operation of sexually–oriented businesses." (ie. strip clubs etc.)
  • "We urge the return to the requirement of blood testing in order to obtain a marriage license."
  • "We are resolute regarding the reversal of Roe v. Wade." (legalization of abortion)
Other than homosexuals, there is nothing the Texas Republicans hate more than abortion. If they have it their way it will be criminalized. If they don't get that, they have a number of other goals. For example should all public funding for abortion clinics and counseling be cut and schools should not be allowed to mention abortion as an option (makes sense since they want to remove all school clinics and nurses, and only teach abstinence).

But then it gets weirder. They want to pass a law stating that "abortion providers" have to "provide women full knowledge of the physical and psychological risks of abortion, the characteristics of the unborn child, and abortion alternatives" and "information about the nervous system development." Basically, you should not be allowed to have an abortion before you know the sex of the baby, if it's healthy, how far along in its development it is and so on.

If a woman "orders an abortion", the doctor must explain the pain the fetus will experience, and provide pain relief (for the fetus, the woman is not mentioned). A child should never be in pain, even before it is born (or can feel anything). A child is precious and innocent, and should not be harmed in any way.

Then comes this;
  • "[We] oppose actions of social agencies to classify traditional methods of discipline (corporal punishment) as child abuse."
  • "We support eliminating bureaucratic prohibitions on corporal discipline [in foster homes]."
  • "We urge the Legislature [...] to remind administrators and school boards that corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas."

This is only one of the many contradictions on these 25 pages. Every quote I've posted can be found in the platform document.

I am amazed. 

This isn't some crackpot's ramblings, but the final and official programme and platform for the biggest, most popular and influential party in the second largest American state. They even explain their embargo on Cuba simply by stating that it will last "until democracy is restored". Hello? Saudi Arabia? Your best bud? Ever heard of it?

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, this comes form a state where the Board of Education recently voted to stop referring to the US as a "democracy", but rather as a "constitutional republic", to make it mandatory for students to find reasons why (not "if") global organizations such as the UN are trying to "undermine U.S. sovereignty". They want to rename slavery "Atlantic triangular trade" in textbooks, and any mention of important Hispanics in American history has been denied. Even Thomas Jefferson has been replaced in the books by Christian thinkers, as examples of a an important political philosophers in US history.

One of the board members explained that; "There seems to be a denial that this was a nation founded under God. We had to go back and make some corrections".

Again - there is no arguing with God.

I have barely touched upon education in this post, unfortunately there are plenty of reasons why I should.

On the brighter side - 

- the Texas Republicans do worry about more than banning homosexuality and sodomy, preventing abortion and sex before marriage, and changing the curriculum to please God. They also care about traffic lights and cameras.

On page three, before any of the other nasty stuff, under the headline "Preserving American Freedom" - "Limiting the Expanse of Government Power";
"Banning the Use of Red Light Cameras – We oppose the manner in which alleged vehicle violations are documented and fines levied against individuals without proof of their having been the driver of the offending vehicle and we call for a ban on Red Light Cameras in the State of Texas."

I say bring on the cameras!
Maybe they'll get so preoccupied they'll decide to keep out of people's bedrooms.

Let the sodomy begin!


Sunday, June 27, 2010


I've always thought they were kinda fun to read, although I also always forgot what they said as soon as I flipped over the page. I don't believe in horoscopes and I think we find things that fit and things that don't in all the twelve signs - if only we bothered to read them.

It must have been almost ten years ago I read my horoscope for the coming year. It said I would have luck in money games the next 7-8 months so now it was time to go all in! I kinda lost respect for them even as entertainment when I read that, and couldn't help wonder who sponsored the horoscopes in that particular magazine..

I do still read them when I find one in front of me, a situation I'm finding myself in now. The summer horoscope is out and my mum's magazine was opened on its pages. I flip through to mine, wonder where the Libra is, what it will say about my summer. These are the hightlight; (and since reading about my life isn't all that interesting you can go to the bottom of the post to find your sign)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Nighttime Flowers

As the summer solstice has passed, the longest and brightest day of the year being yesterday, it will now gradually start getting darker.

In the previous post I wondered why the air smells so good at night, so full of flowery scents. It's quite a different experience from the daytime, and somehow it also seems warmer - probably because the cold winds stop as the sun sets.

The reason the air smells different at night is quite simple, to quote professor Natalia Dudareva;
"Plants tend to have their scent output at maximal levels only when the flowers are ready for pollination and when its potential pollinators are active as well. Plants that maximize their output during the day are primarily pollinated by bees or butterflies, whereas those that release their fragrance mostly at night are pollinated by moth and bats."
According to Judy Sedbrook at Colorado State University;
"With the setting of the sun, the nocturnal garden awakens and the night shift takes over. Many plants bloom exclusively at night. Many more wait to release their heady scent until evening."

It turns out some flowers only bloom at night, others release their scent only when dark falls. If you've heard some of their names before, that conclusion might be easy to draw.. at least in hindsight; among flowers that bloom at night are Evening Primrose, Moonflowers, Angel's Trumpet, Night Phlox and Evening Stock.

Among those that release their scent during the night are Night Gladiolus, Climbing Hydrangea and Honeysuckle to mention a few. Even Basil and Oregano-plants give off their scent primarily at night. There's also a long list of white and reflective plants which bloom at night, and seem to glow when they reflect the moonlight. For a more extensive list of flowers, you'll find one in the article entitled The Night Shift

- I don't know about you, but I think I'm going to have to go for a walk tonight :)

Thursday, June 17, 2010


It's as warm at midnight as it was at noon. It's just as light too. The only difference is it smells better. I don't know why, but the warmth of the night (and it does feel warmer at night) brings with it the most amazing flowery smells.

Maybe it's the quiet, maybe it's the light at midnight, maybe it's just magic. I don't know. Somehow the world smells better at night.. and I'm sure there's someone way smarter than me out there who knows exactly why :)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Results : Threesomes

These are the [very late] results from two polls about threesomes I had quite a while back and suddenly realized had not been posted! (procrastination is my curse)

 There were two questions;
1) Have you ever had a threesome
2) Who would you want in one beside yourself?

A lot of votes came in this time but the results can be quickly summed up;
  • 28% have had a threesome
  • 90% of respondents fantasize about a threesome
  • Most of the respondents were male
  • Men want threesomes with two women
  • Women want threesomes with two men
  • Women are more likely than men to fantasize about a threesome including a person of their own sex 
and to answer the question I've been asked quite a few times;
  • Most women do fantasize about threesomes least those who are likely to visit a blog like this and answer polls about sex...

For the detailed results, please click the images to enlarge.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


One thing that often strikes me when visiting random (or not so random) blogs is how many of them seem to have lasted only a few months.

People seem to start off with a blast, telling the readers everything they're interested in and everything they'll write about. A few post (and months) later they do a post along the lines of; "I'm sorry I update so rarely, this will change from now on, stay tuned!"

Then a post or two later the blog ends, gets buried in Blogger's basement, until a year or so later I stumble across it and blow off the dust.

Do people quickly realize blogging wasn't as fun and rewarding as they thought? That they didn't get fifty comments on each post like those blogs they've read before?

Or do people realize they don't really have that much interesting stuff to tell the world anyway?

I'm usually in the second category but I'm sticking with it. I'm not quite sure why sometimes, but it's become a little hiding place for me (though not so hidden anymore).

This blog is kinda old (for a blog) and I started it basically before I even knew what a blog was - so I had no expectations. Maybe that's why I feel I have a right to fill your screen with random words strung together and wonder if you'll read them..

I realize how quickly blogs die, and I am glad there are some people out there who do stick with it. I'll do my best to stay among them - apples won't look good with dust on them.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Lawn Mowing Behaviour

I think people mow their lawns every single day here. At least it feels like it - there's always a lawn mower going somewhere.

I've always found lawn mowing behaviour to be kind of amusing. One afternoon you'll hear a neighbour start. Then a little while later one on the other side starts. And when they're done another neighbour gets going... It's almost like when they hear someone else doing it, they're reminded they probably should too.

Whether they realize they're reminded of it because they hear the noise, or whether they think they came up with it all on their own, is hard to say. I'm inclined to say most favour the second option, though I don't think that's what's really going on.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

June once again

After a week of chopping, throwing, piling and transporting wood from the woods, I now have brownish arms and white legs. And one muscle. I think. I'm not quite sure.

The flowers are blooming, colours and smells everywhere; I can tell it's been long since I've been here this time of year. I keep deciding to put up the hammock but it's still just a little too cold in the shade.

I tend to lie there, between the cherry tree and the plum tree, dreaming of summer adventures. I know I should just do it.. whatever it is.. "seize the day", that it's "better to regret what you've done than what you didn't do". I just hold back. I always have.

June always holds such promise, such potential for the summer to come. Long summer nights, the smell of lilacs, short skirts and the big, blue lake.. all that's lacking is a bit of excitement. I wonder where to go to find that?

Saturday, May 29, 2010


They say Windows crashes constantly. They say CTRL+ALT+DEL will become your best friend. Then it becomes your worst enemy when you realize that, contrary to popular belief, it doesn't do all that much to fix the problem. If anything at all.

They say Apple and its Mac limits your freedom. Although it doesn't crash as much, it tells you what you can and cannot install. It tells you what you can and cannot do. And then it crashes anyway.

Welcome to Linux Xandros on the Asus eee 900. It's a wonderful blend of Windows and the Mac. It does crash constantly, it does tell you what you can and cannot install (which has been everything the past year), and it seems to have been created simply to annoy the crap out of me.

It doesn't even have the possibility of running the bloody CD that came with it, which would enable me to reset it to its original miserable state of inadequacy.

Say what you want about Windows... having been around the block a couple times I have to say my future laptop will be neither a Mac nor running Linux. Interpret that any which way you want.

If you've got any better suggestions, please do leave a comment.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Summer in Spring

20 degrees, sun, a gentle breeze blowing in my hair... I imagine this is what heaven must be like.

Add to that I feel almost completely well, in record time (alcohol+garlic=win!), and my pale white has been replaced by a subtle shade of red around the shoulders.

The butterflies are playing and the kitten is eating bugs... we got a few perfect days in May this year as well, better enjoy the rest of it before the rain starts tomorrow.

Mmm... there's nothing like long, warm, bright summer days :)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

And there goes my sense of smell...

I hate being sick. Probably because I rarely am. Then again, I might have hated it more if it happened more frequently.

Thanks to my already sick sis, who drank from my bottles and sneezed in my face (thanks for that sis!) during the four days we spent on the road trip together, then laughed when I started coughing, exclaiming triumphantly she'd been able to infect someone (seriously - thanks!)... I am now sick.

I hate sick. I get angry with sick.
What I hate the most is losing my sense of smell and taste. What's the point in living if you have no sense of taste? Seriously - what's the point?

Now I'm just gonna do what I always do. Crawl into bed, sleep for three days and feel sorry for myself..? Nah. I'm gonna stay up, jump around, command myself to get well... and blow my nose ever five minutes until my sense of taste comes back (yuck... :-/)!

I do get angry with sick.
And this time I expect it to go away real fast.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Road Trip..?

If only for a few days, just a weekend, it'll be great to leave the town, the country. To get far, far away.

Spring is supposed to be here but it keeps snowing every other day.. Nothing ever happens here, no matter how much I want it to. I miss the pink cherry trees of Bergen!

Friday, May 07, 2010

The Horror of Alarms

I thought I'd left the car alarms behind when I left the city. Unfortunately, something seems to happen every spring and summer; new people come to town. Tourists, friends, relatives.. they come here from other parts of the country, they park their cars, and they turn their car alarms on.

Car alarms don't work here. Well.. they work.. a little too well, to be honest. Which is why they don't work - in the sense that you can't turn them on. This is the quietest little town ever, and people aren't used to car alarms. Neither are cats, dogs, birds..

Basically - if you turn your car alarm on, it's bound to go off. Usually in the middle of the night and it will keep the neighbours up. What you do then is turn it off. What you don't do is turn the bloody thing back on and go back inside!

When you do that it'll only go off again. In about half an hour. Trust me - I know. Leave it off, you won't regret it. Nobody is gonna steal your friggin car anyway, because nothing bad ever happens around here. Again - trust me. I know.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Scary Pill : Hormones and Pheromones

According to researchers, women tend to choose different men when we're on the pill than we otherwise would. The reason is that during ovulation, our hormones peak. When on the pill, we do not ovulate and the hormones which usually flow into our blood never get released.

This means the men we would usually pick at the time we are most likely to get pregnant, the typically masculine men, we no longer want. Instead, we go for the type of guys we would pick when we are not ovulating - caring, more feminine guys who resemble ourselves.

Although we'd like to think we're making an informed decision, whether or not we are on the pill (and the hormones that go with it) can actually influence our decision when it comes to picking a mate.

The influence of the pill does not stop there. When women do not ovulate, we no longer produce pheromones, which all over the animal kingdom, including for us human beings, is a scent or a stimulant for attracting those of the opposite sex.

It's what tells animals when the females are in heat, and humans also subconsciously react to it. Selling "pheromones" in little bottles has become an industry, advertising that this will make you irresistible (kind of like the Axe commercials for men). The pill removes this natural element completely.

So.. side effects of the pill are; you get attracted to feminine men, you get less attractive to all men, and you want less sex.

And we think the pill is so great.. why exactly?

Saturday, April 24, 2010

I'm a self absorbed slut. What else is new?

I'm very self absorbed. I'm a slut too. And a "female horndog".

At least according to the random stranger who read my blog and found it provoking enough to track me down and tell me exactly how he feels about me.

You see, I'm ruining my life here. Not only am I having sex "just for the hell of it". Instead of being ashamed, as anyone should be, I actually admit to that fact online. In a blog. Which apparently everyone I know reads; my family, my friends - even my future employer who would never consider hiring someone like me. Why?

Because "a reasonably cultured intelligent person would not admit to having sex with a person they did not imagine themselves having a long term relationship with". At least so says the stranger (who ironically enough called himself "ReallyNiceGuy"). Before he ended by saying that I (the slut) probably never have sex anyway since I'm too self absorbed.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Natural Harvest - a collection of semen-based recipes

A cookbook by Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer

"Semen is nutritious. It contains a good balance of fructose sugars, protein, enzymes, vitamins and minerals. On its own, semen meets the criteria for a low-carb food. In fact, Dr. Atkins would probably have praised semen as an ideal food had it not been considered a faux pas."

Although most of us would find this slightly.. erm.. gross, the author does have some good points. People already eat blood, flesh from animals, we drink milk from what are basically the cow's breasts, we eat liver, caviar. What is caviar? Fish eggs! We're already eating so many strange things, what makes semen different - or worse?

"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. 
This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist!"
After being posted online the cookbook had quickly been downloaded 100.000 times. The author decided it was time to make it into an actual book, and since then it has become wildly popular. To read more, see

Unfortunately, I do not have access to any semen so I can't try any of the recipes. If I had had access to semen, I still would not have tried any of the recipes. Sex is fun, food is fun. Sex and food? I'm sure the harvesting of the ingredient would be fun but... "Honey, give me a squirt will you, I'm gonna make hot chocolate with cream"?

I think I'll pass!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Passionate Encounters - and the lack thereof

Last night while discussing love, lust and the like with one of those nice people who live in my computer, I was confronted with the question of what is really the difference between passion, chemistry and lust? I don't really know if is there any significant difference.

I started thinking about it and I must admit - I have never truly had either. Chemistry perhaps, you need chemistry to make friends and lovers. But in combination with passion and lust in the bedroom? Never.

That strikes me as a little unfortunate and I can't help but feel I've missed out. I've never had that connection with someone that makes you tingle with anticipation, when you just have to have someone, raw passion, instincts taking over not caring about anything other than the here and now.

I've had the "like" and the "care for". The "just for fun" and the "feel like doing it", just not... not the passion and the chemistry in bed that I want to experience, that I imagine we all want to experience. Just being tossed around in the sack for a bit, because no one says love and lust are the same.

Then again, my friends do tell me sex is always better when you find that person you truly love, and who loves you back.

Have you ever had that lust, that passion with someone?

And would you rather have good sex with someone who is right for you in the long term, or experience raw passion with someone who is completely wrong?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Facebook - the Annoying Contacts

We all have them; the annoying contacts. They are annoying in several different ways, and most of them are not that bad all the time. We are all probably an annoying contact to someone else, at one point or another.
I wrote about Farmtown. a while ago, but people on Facebook itself can be pretty frustrating too!

  • People who use "cutsie-speak". Often seen on comments on photos and goes along the lines of "ooooh u r soo pretty!!", "prettiiiiieessstt!!", "no ur so hoottt!", "no u r!", "ur the beessttt!!". Yes, it was a nice photo of a beautiful girl, but what happens with people's language when they see something pretty? Do people automatically revert back to being 14, or is it like when people see babies? We all know how that works. 
    • People whose status updates only revolve around 1) how drunk they were last weekend, and 2) how drunk they are planning to get next weekend. It's fine being enthusiastic, I love that. But when you're in your mid twenties and all you write is "I was soo wasted, dunno how I got home! should I drink again tomorrow?" But I suppose it does says something about your state of mind when most of your friends and the people who comment are very young teenage girls, a decade or more younger than you.

    Thursday, March 25, 2010

    Fantasies and Broken Dreams

    Some times we have to make difficult choices. Choices we are reluctant to make because they challenge fundamental believes inside of us. They change hopes and dreams. Some times we have to choose between a fantasy and what we can realistically achieve. Fantasies and dreams can come true, but you have to work for them. Someone has to make the first move. And when you hesitate you may lose your chance. The only chance you're ever given.

    So we chose.. we choose what is safe. We carefully place one stone onto another as we build our lives here on Earth. We place our stones one next to the other, horizontally. We build houses, little houses of our stones, not big towers standing tall. Not like we used to. We've forgotten our castles in the sky.

    It's part of growing up, they say. They don't call it 'losing hope'.They no longer remember their dreams as anything other than fantasies, thought up by an overactive mind in an unrealistic child. It's easier to deal with silly fantasies than broken dreams.

    Saturday, March 20, 2010

    Consensual Devaluation of a Life

    In Norway we've had this strange little law for about a year now. It says you're perfectly allowed to sell sex ... but you're not allowed to buy it. This, it has been said, is because it's not the prostitutes one is out to get, but the clients who create a demand and make the sex trade a viable business. A way of life, for some.

    Most prostitutes on Norwegian streets are not from here. They're immigrants, refugees from Africa, women from Eastern Europe staying a few months in each country. Norwegians have money, they hear. And the costumers are many. So they come. Hoping to sell the only thing they have on the cold streets of Norway, sending money home to a family in a much poorer land.
    Does it do something to you? Selling your body time and time again, giving the men what they want and taking their money. Or is it just another job? Do you feel sad and alone, getting undressed, spreading your legs? Or is it a job you chose because you wanted to?

    Monday, March 15, 2010

    Easiest OS ever?


    Thursday, March 11, 2010

    Massage Boys

    No, I'm not thinking of Thai ladyboys, which might be the first thing that springs to mind.

    I'm thinking of the boys that spend their teenage years following pretty girls around, catering to their every need, talking sweetly to them, calling them cutsey names and - you got it - massages them. In class, during seminars, lunch breaks, in line for the bus, gym class - anywhere.

    Then they spend the next eight years complaining about how girls see them as friends and not as dangerous, sexy, masculine men.

    I hate those guys.
    I hate even more those who don't seem to grow out of it, those who keep behaving that way even when they've long since become grown men with jobs, suits and fancy cars. And simply don't understand why puppy dog eyes and complete obedience doesn't make them attractive and sexy.

    Sure, sure - people are different and some guys are more feminine than others. Our gym classes painted a fairly nice picture of that the times we got to choose what we wanted to do. After they were done massaging we usually divided into two groups - the girls wanted to play volleyball, the boys wanted to play floor hockey. Inevitably, a couple girls wanted to play hockey with the boys and a couple guys always played volleyball. The massage boys, of course.

    Me, I always played hockey with the boys. It's the one thing I miss about high school, getting to run around and actually be fairly good at something in gym. And I didn't really hate seeing how annoyed the boys could get whenever I, a girl, snatched the balls from between their legs (no pun intended).

    I won't say I'm not a feminine girl; I love wearing skirts, new makeup - I read the chick lit, love kittens, will squeal if you tickle me , and I hate my hair. But I've never been the "pink all over, unicorns and poetry" kind of girl. So maybe what it all comes down to is... it's just weird seeing guys who act more like a girl than I do. Especially when they themselves don't understand what it is they're doing..

    .. and that most girls are looking for a boyfriend, not a little sister.