The Dentist

I mentioned a story about big body parts, a small mouth, and going "aaah". I realize what that sounds like, but it's nothing like that at all - I simply went to see the dentist.

I always hated going to the dentist when I was a kid. We used to see this old guy with huge hands. He never wore gloves. I hated it partly because I didn't want to have any cavities and know I hadn't been good enough at brushing my teeth, partly because my jaws just didn't open that big without being forced. It hurt. A lot.

The old dentist retired years ago and the ones I've seen since have all been nice. Still; a trip to the dentist is never pleasant. And for the first time in years I felt that horrible pain in my jaw that comes from keeping my mouth open for too long at a time.

It felt slightly wrong sitting in the dentist's chair thinking of blow jobs - the pain in the jaw was exactly the same as it used to way back when...

Summer in Spring

20 degrees, sun, a gentle breeze blowing in my hair... I imagine this is what heaven must be like.

Add to that I feel almost completely well, in record time (alcohol+garlic=win!), and my pale white has been replaced by a subtle shade of red around the shoulders.

The butterflies are playing and the kitten is eating bugs... we got a few perfect days in May this year as well, better enjoy the rest of it before the rain starts tomorrow.

Mmm... there's nothing like long, warm, bright summer days :)

And there goes my sense of smell...

I hate being sick. Probably because I rarely am. Then again, I might have hated it more if it happened more frequently.

Thanks to my already sick sis, who drank from my bottles and sneezed in my face (thanks for that sis!) during the four days we spent on the road trip together, then laughed when I started coughing, exclaiming triumphantly she'd been able to infect someone (seriously - thanks!)... I am now sick.

I hate sick. I get angry with sick.
What I hate the most is losing my sense of smell and taste. What's the point in living if you have no sense of taste? Seriously - what's the point?

Now I'm just gonna do what I always do. Crawl into bed, sleep for three days and feel sorry for myself..? Nah. I'm gonna stay up, jump around, command myself to get well... and blow my nose ever five minutes until my sense of taste comes back (yuck... :-/)!

I do get angry with sick.
And this time I expect it to go away real fast.

What the hell has happened to Barbie?

Barbie's always been skinny, it's not that. Tall, blonde, long legs - and a small waist. But look at that waist! Where did the curves I remember from my childhood go?


I've always had Barbie dolls, I had a ton of clothes for them, a huge three story doll house my godfather gave me. Complete furniture for kitchen, dining room, bedroom, bathroom, you name it. Having a ton of aunts and uncles is a lot of fun for a little girl! (don't worry, I grew out of the materialism when the number of cousins rose over 20 and we no longer got individual presents).


So I guess I know what I'm talking about when I say that Barbie dolls did not use to be this skinny. They looked more like the girl in pink here. Still skinny, still long legs and blonde hair, but without the weird looking waist the blue one has.

If it continues like this, I'm a little worried Barbie will lose all her curves. I like curves, nothing like a girl with a beautiful hourglass figure. Skinny clothes hangers on catwalks with bones sticking out rarely look good.


So what's next for Barbie? The guys over at WAYODD.com have a suggestion. Anorexic Barbie.

Stunning, isn't she?

To Flu or Not to Flu

After seeming to disappear for a while, the swine flu has claimed its first victims around the country. In town, half the kids in school have been home sick this week; if they get symptoms they have to stay home for seven days, so how many actually has the flu is uncertain. The vaccines have arrived though, and those in the most vulnerable groups have started getting it, while it is recommended everyone get it as soon as possible.

I'm a little torn. On the one hand I hate being sick. I hate it so much I only do it once every couple of years. I'd do a lot to avoid getting sick. And if, in spite of my hatred, the virus picked me, I wouldn't want to make my whole family sick.

On the other hand, I feel everyone is overreacting. Keeping kids home for a week if they as much as cough, slaughtering pigs by the thousands, the media reporting every single death (9 so far) even though fewer die than from regular flu any other year.

People running around worried they'll get get it, quarantining everyone, arguing over vaccines. Add to that the fact that most people in other countries can't afford to buy it, and that they, the poorest in the world, are much more likely to die if they do get sick (whether it's this flu or not). Mix in a copious amount of solidarity, and you've got a pretty reluctant me.

I'm not sure what I'll decide to do if I have to make up my mind.


Which, incidentally, I might not have to. My sister is sick and coming home from school. The parents are driving a couple hours to pick her up and if she does have the flu, she'll be home for a week. Plenty of time to give it to the rest of us!

World's Best Diet

Doesn't get any easier than this;

• Sit next to your cat when trying to eat.
• The cat will then stare at you every time you lift the fork.
• You will be overcome with guilt and will not be able to get down one bite.
  

• After a while you give in - this is stupid and the food will get cold.
  
• The cat notices this and follows your every move.
• You then proceed to give half your food to the cat to avoid it staring at you.
  

That's all!

I've effectively reduced your calorie intake by half!
And in the process given you a very stubborn (and potentially overweight) cat.

Enjoy!

Swine Flu : 3 ways to avoid it

Malaysia - masturbation
Avoiding masturbation and homosexual activities reduces the risk of contracting the virus, according to a Dr. Palaniappan. This because these activities cause friction, which in the body becomes an acid. According to news agency Bernama, the doctor emphasised that "normal sexual union between members of the opposite sex was absolutely safe."

Israel - flying rabbis
Contrary to Malaysia, various forms of blowing is encouraged in Israel. Rabbis engage in praying, blowing in ram horns and flying across Israel to prevent deaths in the country. The rabbis are convinced this will have stopped the epidemic and that the danger is over.

Egypt - slaughter all pigs
It's as simple as it sounds. Slaughter all pigs in the country and the virus will stop spreading between people. It might seem to have worked though - the only confirmed death from swine flu among Egyptian citizens is a 25 year old woman - in Saudia Arabia. I doubt if they have many pigs there.


...and finally, an explanation of how and why the virus came about in the first place;

The Netherlands - the Jews?
According to a Israeli newspaper (ahem...), Dutch journalist Desiree Rover claimed that the bird flu, which is related to the swine flu, is a conspiracy dating back to when the Khazars in the Caucasus converted to Judaism 1200 years ago. These days the descendants are "praying to another god; Lucifer, Satan", and the goal of the conspiracy is to reduce to world's population.


Who knows - maybe they're all right. The one from Malaysia does seem to solve the problem with the one from the Netherlands though...

Fantasy turned Dream

Do you ever fantasize about people in a position of authority? Everybody fantasizes about something and this is probably an all time favourite - guys like nurses and school teachers, girls like policemen and fire fighters. Who do you fantasize about?

I had a fantasy-turned-dream about my doctor a few nights ago. One of those dreams where you truly hate your alarm when it goes off because it wakes you just as it starts getting good.

Lately I've also been having some dreams about people I've used to know through the years, but as far as I can remember they've all been rather innocent. I wonder how it would be like if one of those suddenly turned dirty... (I can only hope we'd all be grown up and not still 10!)

Sure, I'd love to sleep with my doctor!

Not that it's an option.

I've just met the guy. A few times. He seems very stressed, has no nurse or secretary and keeps patients waiting for hours.

His hair is starting to turn grey, he laughs at what I say (not in a good way) and he seems to know what he's doing, while having no clue what to do next.

And I'm not even gonna tell you what he did to me last week!

He's Yummy!

Excuse me for being sick

I could give you all the yucky details but I think it's enough to say that I've been sick. I thought it was a cold, then I thought it was the flu, then I just didn't get better so I went to see the doc. I got penicillin but it didn't work. I went back to see the doc one week later, again I had to wait for four hours, new doc, new meds. And he even listened when I told him about my horrible cough. Three $10-a-piece pills later, I was out of bed.

More than two weeks of being sick is more than I can handle. I felt completely helpless and I even had to take medicine... But now it's over, pretty much, and I have books to read and people to yell at (only on here though, I'm much too nice to yell at people in real life). I'm completely dehydrated and the windows are open. It's been sunny and warm for two and a half weeks, I've only seen it through the window but now I can go outside too!

I miss grass... Cities don't have much grass.
Home has grass everywhere. I miss home.

Apples on drugs

I got sick Sunday. A week later, last Saturday, I got myself down to the medical centre to see a doctor. I was told on the phone there wasn't much people so I shouldn't have to wait long at all. I said "Great, so no three hour waiting then?", remembering all those tv shows and movies where people sit for hours waiting. "Oh no" the woman on the phone replied, "then we'd have to get in a busload of patients."

Well, apparantly the bus came cuz I waited for 3 hours and 45 minutes. I was sitting right in front of the door where people went in so it's not like they could have called me up and I just didn't hear. Then people who had arrived hours later than me started getting called up. I'm fine with people with sick kids getting in first (which they didn't) and people who are in pain should be sent in as soon as they come. But when you come two and a half hour after me, you're my age, you don't look sick, you don't sound sick, you're walking around with your two plastic bags of bottles from the liquer store, only getting the doctor's visit out of your way before you go home and get ready for tonight's party, and you get in after barely one hour of waiting, then it's not fine.

Anyway, I went into the room where they all went when their names were called. Not because they called my name, but because I started thinking they really must have called my name, no one had been there as long as I had. They looked at their computer and went "Umm... we were... uhh... just about to call you, let's see if we have a vacant room, hey, can you take her into room 1, do you have the paper they gave you when you came?"

I waited for another 10 minutes, then the doctor came, looked into my ears and nose, I had a fever but not too bad, I told him how I'd thought it was just a cold or the flu but then when I thought it was going away, it just came coming back. He said I had a sinus infection and I got a prescription for penicillin. Both the doc and the lady at the pharmacy said I should feel better after 2-3 days but it was very important I finished all the pills anyway. That was Saturday, now it's Thursday and I'm not feeling better. I've called them and they said give it time and drink a lot.

I'm not a good sick person. I hate being sick. I've lost my bounce. I can't remember the last time I took medicine... I remember we had penicillin when I was a kid, in a bottle, yucky tasting white goo - the worst thing I've ever had... I must have been 5-6 then. This is the weirdest 'sick' I've experienced though. Usually, when I have a cold, I just want it to go away and I fight it with everything I got. But now I just feel hopeless and helpless and even if I'd want to do something, I wouldn't be able to.

And the fire alarm has been going dooooaaaahdooooaaaah for so long now, it's actually changed its sound to doodooaaaahdoodooaaaah - two doos for every aaah.

Bad day

I sneezed last night. Nothing scary there, only it feels like I sneezed open a big wound deep down in my throat. I read a bit before I went to bed, it was warm inside so I opened the window for an hour. They don't open much and only on top so I decided it would be alright. Apparantly it wasn't, I woke up with a sore throat, a runny nose and my contacts still in my eyes.

Someone knocked on my door this morning when I just wanted to sleep. It was one of my roommates but I don't know what she wanted cuz I just rolled around in bed. I later found out the bucket and the floor washing... thing in the bathroom was gone so I assume she had decided to clean something. Maybe I've set a good example for the first time ever!

After a lot of rolling around, a bit of reading, a lot of dreaming and a bit of thinking, I decided to get up. My roommate and her boyfriend had left, I decided to make dinner. Everything ready, I put the oven on. It took a long time to warm up so I looked inside. I don't remember what I saw but it was enough for me to open the door and out came a massive wave of smoke. I threw the door shut, opened the veranda door and took off the thing that is in front of the fan above the stove.

I opened the oven door again and the smoke came towards me. I couldn't keep it open as I live in a building where frying an egg can set the fire alarm off, in which case it would go dooooaaaahdooooaaaah in the entire building for half an hour. I managed to leave it open a crack while the smoke went up into the fan, both from the oven and from the rest of the room. I looked inside to see if there was something in there.

What did I see? A pool of something that looked like oil. Like olive oil. It was all over the bottom of the oven and that was what caused all the smoke. "What a wonderful day..." I said to myself as I got down on the floor with loads of kitchen roll, dizzy as I was (my head feels like it's stuffed with cotton), and started mopping up the oil-like substance. It did not smell good, it did not look good and it was not too easy. I'm not in the habit of mopping up burning-hot oil from the inside of warm ovens.

But I did it and I put in the pizza. I was supposed to make it last night when my roommate (not the one who might have cleaned her room) had decided to have a romantic dinner with a potential boyfriend. They were whispering sweet nothings to each other and I found it best to give them a little privacy.

Then I had a shower and felt almost alright for the first time today.

I hope I'm not sick... Surely a sore throat, a runny nose, a head full of cotton, pains in my neck and shoulders, eyes and ears, being warm but feeling like I'm freezing does not constitute 'sick'. Or 'ill'. Or 'having a cold'. Does it?

I hate sick. It makes me feel powerless. Mind over matter, that's what I believe in, but when the matter has decided it wants to be goo for a few days, that just sucks. Lots of fluid isn't that what they say? I'm just worried the cotton will expand and my head will explode.

I think I'll take my chances with some warm milk and honey though. Can't go wrong with warm milk and honey.