Swine Flu : 3 ways to avoid it

Malaysia - masturbation
Avoiding masturbation and homosexual activities reduces the risk of contracting the virus, according to a Dr. Palaniappan. This because these activities cause friction, which in the body becomes an acid. According to news agency Bernama, the doctor emphasised that "normal sexual union between members of the opposite sex was absolutely safe."

Israel - flying rabbis
Contrary to Malaysia, various forms of blowing is encouraged in Israel. Rabbis engage in praying, blowing in ram horns and flying across Israel to prevent deaths in the country. The rabbis are convinced this will have stopped the epidemic and that the danger is over.

Egypt - slaughter all pigs
It's as simple as it sounds. Slaughter all pigs in the country and the virus will stop spreading between people. It might seem to have worked though - the only confirmed death from swine flu among Egyptian citizens is a 25 year old woman - in Saudia Arabia. I doubt if they have many pigs there.


...and finally, an explanation of how and why the virus came about in the first place;

The Netherlands - the Jews?
According to a Israeli newspaper (ahem...), Dutch journalist Desiree Rover claimed that the bird flu, which is related to the swine flu, is a conspiracy dating back to when the Khazars in the Caucasus converted to Judaism 1200 years ago. These days the descendants are "praying to another god; Lucifer, Satan", and the goal of the conspiracy is to reduce to world's population.


Who knows - maybe they're all right. The one from Malaysia does seem to solve the problem with the one from the Netherlands though...