Be Safe!

I really, really hope there are people out there who would actually use this one!
That truly would explain a lot...

Kids

A few nights ago I dreamt I had a child.

The birth itself was quick, easy, painless. The baby was big. I breastfed her. It felt amazing. I felt so connected to her, like nothing I've ever felt before.

The child grew fast - two days later she had eight teeth and was like an eight year old. I remember in the dream I said "you have like eight theeth". I don't know why eight - it was more like twelve. But she was like an eight year old.


I've never felt that desire to have kids. I crave freedom, I don't know where I'll be, what I'll do. Who I'll be with. For the first time, though it was in a dream, I felt what it was like to have a child.

Good enough to date?

I learnt something new today. This happens so rarely these days it feels all new and exciting - imagine knowing something now that I didn't this morning.. amazing!

The little piece of information I have now aquired came to me through a blog I visited for the first time. Five guys (I think) write about girls. They do a rather good job at it, I have to admit. The post I read started like this;

"Guys only want to have sex, but never a girlfriend!"

In the following post I will be cynical, unromantic, politically incorrect and brutally HONEST... so when, in a few lines, you'll sit there all annoyed about how big a prick I am, remember it's for a good cause. I want to help girls who complain about guys who "only want to have sex, but never a girlfriend."

But that takes a little bit of tough love, and an unpleasant dose of reality. Let's get straight to it, so here goes:

As opposed to girls, it's very common for guys to have sex with someone they don't find attractive enough to be girlfriend material!

Now, I didn't think the post was cynical or politically incorrect at all, but that's beside the point (if you want to read the rest of it, in Norwegian, you can find it here: 0330.no). What struck me was how simply put such an important piece of knowledge was.

Some of you might remember an episode of Sex and the City where Miranda was told that some guy (or by some guy) that he's "just not that into you". She saw that as an epiphany of sorts - no more hows and whys and ifs and buts; he's just not that into you. It kinda felt like that.

Girls know guys think differently about sex than we do (most of the time), and guys know girls think differently. But I hadn't thought of it quite like that before, that people can be divided into groups of those who are and those who are not attractive enough to want to date. That someone is "good enough to sleep with but not good enough to date".

I guess I just always though that if you slept with someone but didn't date them it was because of personality. I've slept with guys I didn't want to have as a boyfriend - but that's never been because he was too ugly to show off. If he was, he wouldn't have been in my bed in the first place. There have been other reasons though.. age, aquaintances, personality, geography. Actually geography is the one that stands out the most.


The concept of "attractive enough to sleep with but attractive enough to date" is new to me. Fascinating stuff..

Porno

You can say a lot about porn, but I'd really like to twist the neck of whoever made shaving everything down there not only normal on TV, but now also expected, and the only thing that's accepted, in your own home.

I bet there are many of us who think quite a few bad thoughts every time we either see a disappointed facial expression, or give in and grab the razor.

For who can argue with "hair in your food"? "Natural" means nothing anymore, and who would want the person you're sharing a bed with thinking you're disgusting because you don't look like all the girls on the Internet?

Dark thoughts, I tell you.
Dark, evil, murderous thoughts.

Thoughts and dreams

Last night I dreamt I was on a bed and suddenly saw someone I've slept with have sex with someone else. The girl was on top, then he turned her around and got on top. That's when I saw it was him.. for two seconds before it wasn't him anyway. That felt indescribably... weird. Especially since I knew the girl too.

I've never been the kind of person who can sleep with someone without feeling anything. It happens whether I want it to or not, and I've always wondered what it would be like to just... not care. When sex is just sex, and forgotten the next day. It must be so easy. Convenient. Not to feel. I'm just not like that.

I don't mean that I need to be in love to sleep with someone, nor that I fall in love afterwards. Still, it's.. different. I care more, whether it's platonic or something else. Which is why it does feel weird to sleep with someone then basically never talk to them again. I hate to leave things hanging, not to get an end to things. Not to know what happened, if anything at all.

I'm more committed to my words than to my feelings. That's not always a good thing.

Playing around

When we're kids we play around; we're police and robbers, pirates, we build tree houses and pretend we're in the jungle. Every fantasy becomes reality... we're someone else for a couple hours - and it feels real.

Then we grow up, and the fun and games are moved to the bedroom. Role playing feels natural to some, but most people can't seem to relax. Reality is so real, fantasy never can be. We pretend with feelings, little lies, not with fun and games. We feel stupid. And awkward.

When did we lose the ability to pretend?

US: Texas Republicans oppose Sex, Homosexuals, Sodomy, Freedom, History, Education... and Intelligence

The NY Daily News reported yesterday that the Texas Republicans wish to criminalize oral sex. This does not seem to have reached the European media yet, probably because no one would ever take it seriously. Well think again, fellow Europeans.

I've read through the entire final state platform for the Texas Republicans for the coming two years. It was 25 pages of sighs, eye rolling and flat out shock and open mouthed awe. The Texas Republicans do want to ban oral sex. Or at least "sodomy", which the dictionaries define as;

"Any of various forms of sexual acts held to be unnatural or abnormal, especially anal or oral copulation or bestiality."

Sodomy is only one item on a long list they want to ban or criminalize and is only mentioned once or twice. Their real mortal enemy? Homosexuality!

"We believe that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society, contributes to the breakdown of the family unit, and leads to the spread of dangerous, communicable diseases. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God"

There's clearly no arguing with God.

Homosexuality should not be presented as an acceptable lifestyle, "family" can never include a homosexual "couple" (their qoutation marks, not mine), and homosexuals should never be able to marry or form a partnership of any kind. Anyone who issues a marriage license to a same-sex couple would be facing a jail sentence.

Nor should homosexual ever be able to have custody of a child. In fact, the Texas Republicans group homosexuals and child molestors together, and preferrably such people should not even be allowed to see their own children (if they have any) at all;

"[...] visitation with minor children by such persons should be prohibited but if ordered by the court limited to supervised periods."

And that applies to homosexuals, not just molestors!

I could go on and on, but I think the position of the Texas Republicans comes across quite clearly: "We don't want no damn homos!" Or something like that.

Let's move on to more fun matters: Sex!

I already did mention the sodomy, and that deserves a second look. But wait - there's more!

•  "We oppose the legalization of sodomy."
• "We support raising the age of consent for consensual sex to 18 years."
• "We oppose sale and use of the dangerous “Morning After Pill.”"
• "We oppose any sex education other than abstinence until heterosexual marriage.".
• "We urge legislators to prohibit reproductive health care services, including counseling, referrals, and distribution of condoms and contraception through public schools."
• "We urge more stringent legislation to prohibit all pornography including virtual pornography and operation of sexually–oriented businesses." (ie. strip clubs etc.)
• "We urge the return to the requirement of blood testing in order to obtain a marriage license."
• "We are resolute regarding the reversal of Roe v. Wade." (legalization of abortion)

   --
Other than homosexuals, there is nothing the Texas Republicans hate more than abortion. If they have it their way it will be criminalized. If they don't get that, they have a number of other goals. For example should all public funding for abortion clinics and counseling be cut and schools should not be allowed to mention abortion as an option (makes sense since they want to remove all school clinics and nurses, and only teach abstinence).

But then it gets weirder. They want to pass a law stating that "abortion providers" have to "provide women full knowledge of the physical and psychological risks of abortion, the characteristics of the unborn child, and abortion alternatives" and "information about the nervous system development." Basically, you should not be allowed to have an abortion before you know the sex of the baby, if it's healthy, how far along in its development it is and so on.

If a woman "orders an abortion", the doctor must explain the pain the fetus will experience, and provide pain relief (for the fetus, the woman is not mentioned). A child should never be in pain, even before it is born (or can feel anything). A child is precious and innocent, and should not be harmed in any way.

Then comes this;

• "[We] oppose actions of social agencies to classify traditional methods of discipline (corporal punishment) as child abuse."
• "We support eliminating bureaucratic prohibitions on corporal discipline [in foster homes]."
• "We urge the Legislature [...] to remind administrators and school boards that corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas."

This is only one of the many contradictions on these 25 pages. Every quote I've posted can be found in the platform document.

I am amazed. 

This isn't some crackpot's ramblings, but the final and official programme and platform for the biggest, most popular and influential party in the second largest American state. They even explain their embargo on Cuba simply by stating that it will last "until democracy is restored". Hello? Saudi Arabia? Your best bud? Ever heard of it?

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, this comes form a state where the Board of Education recently voted to stop referring to the US as a "democracy", but rather as a "constitutional republic", to make it mandatory for students to find reasons why (not "if") global organizations such as the UN are trying to "undermine U.S. sovereignty". They want to rename slavery "Atlantic triangular trade" in textbooks, and any mention of important Hispanics in American history has been denied. Even Thomas Jefferson has been replaced in the books by Christian thinkers, as examples of a an important political philosophers in US history.

One of the board members explained that; "There seems to be a denial that this was a nation founded under God. We had to go back and make some corrections".

Again - there is no arguing with God.


I have barely touched upon education in this post, unfortunately there are plenty of reasons why I should.

On the brighter side - 

- the Texas Republicans do worry about more than banning homosexuality and sodomy, preventing abortion and sex before marriage, and changing the curriculum to please God. They also care about traffic lights and cameras.

On page three, before any of the other nasty stuff, under the headline "Preserving American Freedom" - "Limiting the Expanse of Government Power";

"Banning the Use of Red Light Cameras – We oppose the manner in which alleged vehicle violations are documented and fines levied against individuals without proof of their having been the driver of the offending vehicle and we call for a ban on Red Light Cameras in the State of Texas."

I say bring on the cameras!
Maybe they'll get so preoccupied they'll decide to keep out of people's bedrooms.


Let the sodomy begin!

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Results : Threesomes

These are the [very late] results from two polls about threesomes I had quite a while back and suddenly realized had not been posted! (procrastination is my curse)

 There were two questions;
1) Have you ever had a threesome
2) Who would you want in one beside yourself?

A lot of votes came in this time but the results can be quickly summed up;

• 28% have had a threesome
• 90% of respondents fantasize about a threesome
• Most of the respondents were male
• Men want threesomes with two women
• Women want threesomes with two men
• Women are more likely than men to fantasize about a threesome including a person of their own sex 

and to answer the question I've been asked quite a few times;

• Most women do fantasize about threesomes

...at least those who are likely to visit a blog like this and answer polls about sex...

For the detailed results, please click the images to enlarge.

The Scary Pill : Hormones and Pheromones

According to researchers, women tend to choose different men when we're on the pill than we otherwise would. The reason is that during ovulation, our hormones peak. When on the pill, we do not ovulate and the hormones which usually flow into our blood never get released.

This means the men we would usually pick at the time we are most likely to get pregnant, the typically masculine men, we no longer want. Instead, we go for the type of guys we would pick when we are not ovulating - caring, more feminine guys who resemble ourselves.

Although we'd like to think we're making an informed decision, whether or not we are on the pill (and the hormones that go with it) can actually influence our decision when it comes to picking a mate.

The influence of the pill does not stop there. When women do not ovulate, we no longer produce pheromones, which all over the animal kingdom, including for us human beings, is a scent or a stimulant for attracting those of the opposite sex.

It's what tells animals when the females are in heat, and humans also subconsciously react to it. Selling "pheromones" in little bottles has become an industry, advertising that this will make you irresistible (kind of like the Axe commercials for men). The pill removes this natural element completely.


So.. side effects of the pill are; you get attracted to feminine men, you get less attractive to all men, and you want less sex.

And we think the pill is so great.. why exactly?

I'm a self absorbed slut. What else is new?

I'm very self absorbed. I'm a slut too. And a "female horndog".

At least according to the random stranger who read my blog and found it provoking enough to track me down and tell me exactly how he feels about me.

You see, I'm ruining my life here. Not only am I having sex "just for the hell of it". Instead of being ashamed, as anyone should be, I actually admit to that fact online. In a blog. Which apparently everyone I know reads; my family, my friends - even my future employer who would never consider hiring someone like me. Why?

Because "a reasonably cultured intelligent person would not admit to having sex with a person they did not imagine themselves having a long term relationship with". At least so says the stranger (who ironically enough called himself "ReallyNiceGuy"). Before he ended by saying that I (the slut) probably never have sex anyway since I'm too self absorbed.

Natural Harvest - a collection of semen-based recipes

A cookbook by Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer

FOREWORD
"Semen is nutritious. It contains a good balance of fructose sugars, protein, enzymes, vitamins and minerals. On its own, semen meets the criteria for a low-carb food. In fact, Dr. Atkins would probably have praised semen as an ideal food had it not been considered a faux pas."

Although most of us would find this slightly.. erm.. gross, the author does have some good points. People already eat blood, flesh from animals, we drink milk from what are basically the cow's breasts, we eat liver, caviar. What is caviar? Fish eggs! We're already eating so many strange things, what makes semen different - or worse?

"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. 

This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist!"

After being posted online the cookbook had quickly been downloaded 100.000 times. The author decided it was time to make it into an actual book, and since then it has become wildly popular. To read more, see www.cookingwithcum.com.


Unfortunately, I do not have access to any semen so I can't try any of the recipes. If I had had access to semen, I still would not have tried any of the recipes. Sex is fun, food is fun. Sex and food? I'm sure the harvesting of the ingredient would be fun but... "Honey, give me a squirt will you, I'm gonna make hot chocolate with cream"?

I think I'll pass!

Passionate Encounters - and the lack thereof

Last night while discussing love, lust and the like with one of those nice people who live in my computer, I was confronted with the question of what is really the difference between passion, chemistry and lust? I don't really know if is there any significant difference.

I started thinking about it and I must admit - I have never truly had either. Chemistry perhaps, you need chemistry to make friends and lovers. But in combination with passion and lust in the bedroom? Never.

That strikes me as a little unfortunate and I can't help but feel I've missed out. I've never had that connection with someone that makes you tingle with anticipation, when you just have to have someone, raw passion, instincts taking over not caring about anything other than the here and now.

I've had the "like" and the "care for". The "just for fun" and the "feel like doing it", just not... not the passion and the chemistry in bed that I want to experience, that I imagine we all want to experience. Just being tossed around in the sack for a bit, because no one says love and lust are the same.

Then again, my friends do tell me sex is always better when you find that person you truly love, and who loves you back.

Have you ever had that lust, that passion with someone?

And would you rather have good sex with someone who is right for you in the long term, or experience raw passion with someone who is completely wrong?

Consensual Devaluation of a Life

In Norway we've had this strange little law for about a year now. It says you're perfectly allowed to sell sex ... but you're not allowed to buy it. This, it has been said, is because it's not the prostitutes one is out to get, but the clients who create a demand and make the sex trade a viable business. A way of life, for some.

Most prostitutes on Norwegian streets are not from here. They're immigrants, refugees from Africa, women from Eastern Europe staying a few months in each country. Norwegians have money, they hear. And the costumers are many. So they come. Hoping to sell the only thing they have on the cold streets of Norway, sending money home to a family in a much poorer land.

Does it do something to you? Selling your body time and time again, giving the men what they want and taking their money. Or is it just another job? Do you feel sad and alone, getting undressed, spreading your legs? Or is it a job you chose because you wanted to?

Massage Boys

No, I'm not thinking of Thai ladyboys, which might be the first thing that springs to mind.

I'm thinking of the boys that spend their teenage years following pretty girls around, catering to their every need, talking sweetly to them, calling them cutsey names and - you got it - massages them. In class, during seminars, lunch breaks, in line for the bus, gym class - anywhere.

Then they spend the next eight years complaining about how girls see them as friends and not as dangerous, sexy, masculine men.


I hate those guys.
I hate even more those who don't seem to grow out of it, those who keep behaving that way even when they've long since become grown men with jobs, suits and fancy cars. And simply don't understand why puppy dog eyes and complete obedience doesn't make them attractive and sexy.


Sure, sure - people are different and some guys are more feminine than others. Our gym classes painted a fairly nice picture of that the times we got to choose what we wanted to do. After they were done massaging we usually divided into two groups - the girls wanted to play volleyball, the boys wanted to play floor hockey. Inevitably, a couple girls wanted to play hockey with the boys and a couple guys always played volleyball. The massage boys, of course.

Me, I always played hockey with the boys. It's the one thing I miss about high school, getting to run around and actually be fairly good at something in gym. And I didn't really hate seeing how annoyed the boys could get whenever I, a girl, snatched the balls from between their legs (no pun intended).


I won't say I'm not a feminine girl; I love wearing skirts, new makeup - I read the chick lit, love kittens, will squeal if you tickle me , and I hate my hair. But I've never been the "pink all over, unicorns and poetry" kind of girl. So maybe what it all comes down to is... it's just weird seeing guys who act more like a girl than I do. Especially when they themselves don't understand what it is they're doing..

.. and that most girls are looking for a boyfriend, not a little sister.

Do I miss sex?

My good friend Sleepy asked me if I don't miss having sex. He knows it's been a while, and, I'm sure, felt a need to brag about his recent exploits. Then again, chatting with a girl once, then flying halfway across the country to spend the weekend in her bed does give bragging rights.

So.. do I miss sex? How long has it been...? Since I left the city and moved out here into the middle of nowhere. I guess both yes and no;

• No because it's been a while, first you need it, you gotta have it, then you settle into the routine of not getting it. Plus cuz of the grooming that's required...
  
• Yes for the obvious reasons - you miss getting a little sumthin sumthin, I miss the excitement, the feeling, being that close to someone. Feeling a big hard... well you get the picture. Girls have needs too, and sometimes I don't quite know what to do with myself. (TMI?)
  

Do I miss sex? Well, I hope I'm not considered a nun quite yet. But yes, I do. I miss the excitement, the happiness and the satisfaction. But I don't miss the routine that develops in a relationship, and I don't really do one night stands. Maybe I need an FGF?

The Guy With The Latex Sheets

A couple years ago I was at work at the mall in Bergen. I walked past some guys, one had a microphone in his hand and wondered if he could ask me some questions. I didn't have the time, I had to hurry back to work.

I walked up the stairs and the guy came running after me. He seemed nice, if a little pushy and a bit older than me. His microphone was shoved in his back pocket. When we got to the shop he said he needed some help. He was looking for sheets, you see.

Sheets. Right. We had plenty of those. He asked if we had any in latex.
"You know, because things can get a bit messy sometimes" *wink wink*. Yeah... no sorry, we didn't have any of those. At that, he made a flirty comment I can no longer remember, and left.

I thought of that guy again today when I was reading a post on a Norwegian blog about sex toys, body paint, massage oil and the like. The oil always seemed so messy to me - how do you manage to play around with the sticky stuff without leaving stains all over? The solution may be getting a latex sheet.

It is kinda hard to be spontaneous if you have to change the sheets before you start though... anybody got any better ideas?

As for the guy, I saw him again a week later. He was jogging past the building where I lived as I came outside. He stopped fifty yards up the road, just outside the window of the apartment, bent down and fiddled with his shoes until I'd passed him, which was when I recognized him.

I'm sure if he lived in the neighbourhood I'd seen him many times before.. it only took a microphone and a few comments about latex sheets for me to notice him (I wouldn't recommend that as a pick up line though, it probably won't have the desired effect!).


Or who knows, maybe he was a secret agent spying on me from the place I worked and outside the apartment. He probably had a tiny camera and binoculars with him, and there's a thick dossier on me on someone's desk somewhere...

A jogging latex spy.
I like!

Changing Perceptions of Normality

It's a happy day for Norwegian transvestites.

The Directorate of Health has decided to remove transvestism, sexual fetishism and sadomasochism from its list of disorders and diagnoses.

The Director of Health says their goal is to change the idea that certain sexual preferences and identities can be seen as illnesses. Homosexuality was a diagnosis in Norway until 1979 and changing perceptions is a very slow process.


A simple search on google reveals a lot of people seem to mix the terms transvestite and hermaphrodite (recently replaced by the term intersexual). This can possibly be done deliberately by some to sell access to their sites, or it could simply be ignorance. It never ceases to amaze me how those who are the most hateful are often the most ignorant among us..


Either way, I admire those who are different and dare express it - I may not understand half the fetishes out there, I may not want wish to be a transvestite and I may never have tried out S&M.. but that certainly doesn't mean anyone should be labeled as having a disorder simply because they like lace panties or enjoy a good spanking once in a while.

Norway's changed, who's next?

Norwegian what?

I heard a new term today and innocent as I am I expected it to be something nice, something clean, something... innocent.

Norwegian nasty - When an erect male penis is inserted into a female's ass, and afterwards the male proceeds to receive oral sex from the woman.

I just gave that girl a mean Norwegian nasty.

Urbandictionary.com seems to have a lot of terms starting with "Norwegian" these days;

Norwegian culture - A perfectly valid excuse for punching someones testicles.

Norwegian massage - a woman massaging another woman without using her hands

Norwegian goggles - An act of shame committed upon a passed out person, where the perpetrator places his hairy naked scrotum upon the closed eyes of the victim. This must be performed while facing the victim's feet, so that the penis will naturally fall upon their nose in a manner resembling the nose guard of traditional viking helmets.

I'm sensing a theme here...

The Mysterious Jeans

My mother came storming down the stairs and into my room a few days ago. She was all serious like and demanded to know if I'd had a guy in my room the previous night.

Now, you may wonder what brought this on, as I did, since my parents are not very likely to mind if there had been a guy in my room. But there had not. Then where did the jeans come from?

My mother had been folding clothes when she found a pair of jeans which did not belong to anyone in the house. Whose were they? The most entertaining solution my mother could think of was that there had been a guy in my room and I'd kicked him out in the middle of the night.

I said that might have been fun, but sorry, it didn't happen. My mother did not give up, instead she asked if this guy was someone I didn't want to see again (or admit to be seeing). I told her the truth,

"Mum, I think that if I'd kicked a guy out in the middle of the night, without his pants on, in half a meter of snow and -17C (1.4F), it's more likely that he's the one who won't be wanting to see me again."

At that, she could no longer keep a straight face. She did really wonder where the jeans came from though, perhaps we have a flasher in our midst?

Wear your beauty on the outside, please!

"LONDON (Reuters) - The way that BeautifulPeople.com accepts new members is simple. A potential member applies with a photo and a brief profile. Over 48 hours, existing members of the opposite sex vote whether or not to admit them.

The site was founded in 2002 in Denmark and went live across the globe last month. Since then, the site has rejected nearly 1.8 million people from 190 countries, admitting just 360,000 new members."

From the website;

• Do looks matter to you, when it comes to selecting a partner?
• Do you want to guarantee your dates will always be beautiful?
• No more filtering through unattractive people on mainstream sites.
• Meet beautiful people locally and from around the world - now.

Online dating used to be a little taboo. Now it's getting more accepted, but apparently there's still one thing wrong with it; there's ugly people there!! Oh the horror..

Of course, everyone understands how humiliating it must be for Barbie herself to meet this wonderful guy she's been talking to, this potential Mr. Right (or at least Mr. Right Now and tonight) only to discover he looks like the Grinch. She must feel so violated!


The site has recently gone global so... where are Barbie and the Grinch from?

"Fewer than 12.5% of British men and 15% of women who have applied to BeautifulPeople.com have been accepted, an emailed statement from the website showed. Only the male Russian and Polish applicants fared worse than British men.

Swedish men have proved the most successful, with 65 percent being accepted, while Norwegian women are considered the most beautiful with 76 percent accepted."

I'm not entirely sure if knowing that people from your country are considered the most beautiful is a good thing or a terrible thing for those of us who would never even entertain the thought of trying to join a club like that (key word being trying), where looks are everything and personality nothing..

The site claims to be honest and not politically correct (in that they admit beauty is important when selecting a mate), and also offers a "Business Area for networking and employment opportunities" since looks are critical when doing business.


I guess this site is pretty much Superficial Central. I have a feeling I wouldn't like it there - and they sure wouldn't like me. The site has been criticized a bit but I'm thinking... if this keeps the most shallow people off other sites (because, let's face it, the rest of us can never measure up to them) that makes them steer well clear of me.
And that is definitely a good thing!

(apples - always looking for the silver lining!)