Dark Monster

I'm entering my room at night. It's dark. It's late. I leave the lights off until I reach my bed, where I turn on the lamp on my nightstand. I turn towards the bed and stop. I stare, in horror, at what I see.

In the middle of my bed, glaring at me, like something evil, dressed in black - threatening me with eternal damnation.... is a Bible.

My Bible. Do I have a Bible?? (I have a Bible...)


I've got to stop reading books referencing the Bible; I never can resist the temptation to look up the passage and go "Ha ha - it doesn't even say that! Suck at that, sucker!!"

Freaks me out every time I see the damn thing though, never can figure out what the hell a Bible is doing on my bed... (I have a feeling it doesn't want to be in that particular spot any more than I want it there...)

Maybe I should get a Quran, I wonder if that would be equally freaky... 

US: Texas Republicans oppose Sex, Homosexuals, Sodomy, Freedom, History, Education... and Intelligence

The NY Daily News reported yesterday that the Texas Republicans wish to criminalize oral sex. This does not seem to have reached the European media yet, probably because no one would ever take it seriously. Well think again, fellow Europeans.

I've read through the entire final state platform for the Texas Republicans for the coming two years. It was 25 pages of sighs, eye rolling and flat out shock and open mouthed awe. The Texas Republicans do want to ban oral sex. Or at least "sodomy", which the dictionaries define as;

"Any of various forms of sexual acts held to be unnatural or abnormal, especially anal or oral copulation or bestiality."

Sodomy is only one item on a long list they want to ban or criminalize and is only mentioned once or twice. Their real mortal enemy? Homosexuality!

"We believe that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society, contributes to the breakdown of the family unit, and leads to the spread of dangerous, communicable diseases. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God"

There's clearly no arguing with God.

Homosexuality should not be presented as an acceptable lifestyle, "family" can never include a homosexual "couple" (their qoutation marks, not mine), and homosexuals should never be able to marry or form a partnership of any kind. Anyone who issues a marriage license to a same-sex couple would be facing a jail sentence.

Nor should homosexual ever be able to have custody of a child. In fact, the Texas Republicans group homosexuals and child molestors together, and preferrably such people should not even be allowed to see their own children (if they have any) at all;

"[...] visitation with minor children by such persons should be prohibited but if ordered by the court limited to supervised periods."

And that applies to homosexuals, not just molestors!

I could go on and on, but I think the position of the Texas Republicans comes across quite clearly: "We don't want no damn homos!" Or something like that.

Let's move on to more fun matters: Sex!

I already did mention the sodomy, and that deserves a second look. But wait - there's more!

•  "We oppose the legalization of sodomy."
• "We support raising the age of consent for consensual sex to 18 years."
• "We oppose sale and use of the dangerous “Morning After Pill.”"
• "We oppose any sex education other than abstinence until heterosexual marriage.".
• "We urge legislators to prohibit reproductive health care services, including counseling, referrals, and distribution of condoms and contraception through public schools."
• "We urge more stringent legislation to prohibit all pornography including virtual pornography and operation of sexually–oriented businesses." (ie. strip clubs etc.)
• "We urge the return to the requirement of blood testing in order to obtain a marriage license."
• "We are resolute regarding the reversal of Roe v. Wade." (legalization of abortion)

   --
Other than homosexuals, there is nothing the Texas Republicans hate more than abortion. If they have it their way it will be criminalized. If they don't get that, they have a number of other goals. For example should all public funding for abortion clinics and counseling be cut and schools should not be allowed to mention abortion as an option (makes sense since they want to remove all school clinics and nurses, and only teach abstinence).

But then it gets weirder. They want to pass a law stating that "abortion providers" have to "provide women full knowledge of the physical and psychological risks of abortion, the characteristics of the unborn child, and abortion alternatives" and "information about the nervous system development." Basically, you should not be allowed to have an abortion before you know the sex of the baby, if it's healthy, how far along in its development it is and so on.

If a woman "orders an abortion", the doctor must explain the pain the fetus will experience, and provide pain relief (for the fetus, the woman is not mentioned). A child should never be in pain, even before it is born (or can feel anything). A child is precious and innocent, and should not be harmed in any way.

Then comes this;

• "[We] oppose actions of social agencies to classify traditional methods of discipline (corporal punishment) as child abuse."
• "We support eliminating bureaucratic prohibitions on corporal discipline [in foster homes]."
• "We urge the Legislature [...] to remind administrators and school boards that corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas."

This is only one of the many contradictions on these 25 pages. Every quote I've posted can be found in the platform document.

I am amazed. 

This isn't some crackpot's ramblings, but the final and official programme and platform for the biggest, most popular and influential party in the second largest American state. They even explain their embargo on Cuba simply by stating that it will last "until democracy is restored". Hello? Saudi Arabia? Your best bud? Ever heard of it?

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, this comes form a state where the Board of Education recently voted to stop referring to the US as a "democracy", but rather as a "constitutional republic", to make it mandatory for students to find reasons why (not "if") global organizations such as the UN are trying to "undermine U.S. sovereignty". They want to rename slavery "Atlantic triangular trade" in textbooks, and any mention of important Hispanics in American history has been denied. Even Thomas Jefferson has been replaced in the books by Christian thinkers, as examples of a an important political philosophers in US history.

One of the board members explained that; "There seems to be a denial that this was a nation founded under God. We had to go back and make some corrections".

Again - there is no arguing with God.


I have barely touched upon education in this post, unfortunately there are plenty of reasons why I should.

On the brighter side - 

- the Texas Republicans do worry about more than banning homosexuality and sodomy, preventing abortion and sex before marriage, and changing the curriculum to please God. They also care about traffic lights and cameras.

On page three, before any of the other nasty stuff, under the headline "Preserving American Freedom" - "Limiting the Expanse of Government Power";

"Banning the Use of Red Light Cameras – We oppose the manner in which alleged vehicle violations are documented and fines levied against individuals without proof of their having been the driver of the offending vehicle and we call for a ban on Red Light Cameras in the State of Texas."

I say bring on the cameras!
Maybe they'll get so preoccupied they'll decide to keep out of people's bedrooms.


Let the sodomy begin!

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Happytime with my Bible

I'm sitting quietly on my bed reading the Bible when my mum walks in and sees me.

"I'm reading the Bible", I tell her.

I just loved her reaction..

"No... Oh my!" she said, sighed, shook her head and rolled her eyes at the same time.

I had to tell her the reason I was doing so was someone had tried to argue that;
1) the Bible says catholic priests have to be celibate, and
2) only the Quran says homosexuals should be killed

Both statements were false, naturally, and I was looking for this;

"If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death, their blood is upon them (Lev.20,13)

Crazy ass Christians...

There's a Bible in my bed, There's a Bible in my bed!

Oh wait...

...it took a second before I realized what it was doing there.
A very scary second.


A friend posted a note on Facebook about Adam having called the first woman, in Norwegian, "manninne" ("mann" being "man"). Which probably makes sense if the Bible is directly translated from English (wo-man), but not in Norwegian - my edition (yes, I own one) says "kvinne" which sounds quite different.

Either some Bibles are badly translated. Well... I guess we already know all Bibles are, but for the sake of the argument let's say this was either another bad translation, or the book did not sell well enough so they decided to edit some parts.

Well... again, we all know that is true too.


Man.. it's so hard to be funny criticizing the Bible when all criticisms have already been proven true...

NotAlwaysRight.com - a funnier way to be bored!

Me: “That will be 17.50, please.”

Customer: “Are you a Christian, dear?”

Me: “Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Are you?”

Me: “Well, no. Why do you want to know?”

Customer: “Oh. I would like to be helped by someone else,
please.”

Manager: “Good morning ma’am, I hear you’ve been having
a problem with the clerk?”

Customer: “Oh, she didn’t make any trouble, it’s just that I
don’t want my money to be handled by someone not of the
faith. You should be careful, she’ll probably nick from the till
when you’re not looking.”

Manager: “You’re right, ma’am, I shall definitely have to
reprimand her.”

Me: *surprised* “What for?”

Manager: “For failing to notice that the lady was not planning
on paying for the three Mars bars and the map of Europe she
must have put in her bag while you were fetching me.”

(The customer freezes for a second, then looks at her bag.)

Customer: “Good heavens! I must’ve been so distracted I didn’t
even notice the devil putting them there!”

Morality

Your morality is 0% in line with that of the bible.

Damn you heathen! Your book learnin' has done warped your mind. You shall not be invited next time I sacrifice a goat.

Do You Have Biblical Morals?

I have never been more proud!

Does swearing increase pain?

In Møre og Romsdal, a Norwegian county, a woman had been in labour for hours when she uttered a phrase which may be translated into English as;

Fucking hell, it's so fucking painful!

The midwife then came up to her, bent down and told the woman no swearing would be tolerated in the delivery room, and she had better behave as she was told.

"Lying there calling upon the Devil will only bring more pain, and then I deserve a difficult birth. But if we want to, we could turn to someone else and all pray to him together. Then it might go well after all," the woman remembers being told.

It wasn't the only mistake the midwife made, and the authorities have started looking into it.


You're in more pain than you can ever imagine. When you once, one time, express your pain you're told that your choice of words means you don't deserve any better - and this by the person who is supposed to help you get through it. And then they ask you to pray?

I don't know which of those would offend me more...

Go home and have sex, pastor tells flock

Miami - A Florida church leader is challenging married members of his congregation to have sex every day for a month.

The challenge for single parishioners is slightly different, though - to abstain from sex for 30 days, reports Sky News.

Paul Wirth, head pastor of the Relevant Church in Ybor City, said the marathon undertaking could help cut high divorce rates.

He said: "Couples across America are struggling in their relationships, both married and single people.

"For married people it seems like the sex is great up front, but then for some reason life happens."

But when you're single it's like you're always thinking about it and you're like, man I'd like to have it as much as possible.

"And sometimes that prevents them from having a great, healthy relationship later on when you do get married.

"The Relevant Church describes itself as "a casual, contemporary Christian church" and says its services are designed "specifically for urban professionals and young families".

Independent Online

Saudi Arabia: Why we punished rape victim

The Saudi Justice Ministry Tuesday issued a "clarification" of a court's handling of a rape case and the increased punishment -- including 200 lashes --meted out to the victim.

The case, which has sparked media scrutiny of the Saudi legal system, centers on a married woman. The 19-year-old and an unrelated man were abducted, and she was raped by a group of seven men more than a year ago, according to Abdulrahman al-Lahim, the attorney who represented her in court.

The woman was originally sentenced in October 2006 to 90 lashes. But that sentence was more than doubled to 200 lashes and six months in prison by the Qatif General Court, because she spoke to the media about the case, a court source told Middle Eastern daily newspaper Arab News.

Al-Lahim told CNN his law license was revoked last week by a judge because he spoke to the Saudi-controlled media about the case.

"Currently she doesn't have a lawyer, and I feel they're doing this to isolate her and deprive her from her basic rights," he said. "We will not accept this judgment and I'll do my best to continue representing her because justice needs to take place."

The man and woman were attacked after they met in Qatif on the kingdom's Persian Gulf coast, so she could retrieve an old photograph of herself from him, according to al-Lahim. Citing phone records from the police investigation, al-Lahim said the man was trying to blackmail his client. He noted the photo she was trying to retrieve was harmless and did not show his client in any compromising position.

It is illegal for a woman to meet with an unrelated male under Saudi's Islamic law.

[...]

CNN.com

First you're raped - 14 times - by 7 men, then you get punished for being irresponsible enough to actually get raped. This is madness... although, unfortunately, not at all surprising.

Oh the leaves

"Leaves are dirty, that's why God put them in trees."

Reba, American TV show

I usually don't understand much when it comes to God but this one really didn't make sense..

Blow me away!

"All those in favor, say 'Aye'"

Racism with or without Religion

Curious as I am, I asked an Egyptian on Skype today whether he is a sunni or shia Muslim. I wondered which group most Egyptians belong to.

I didn't get an answer to that. I got this question;

"Do you like Muslims? Or no?"

I explained that there are Muslims who are nice and Muslims who are not nice. Just as there are Christians who are nice and Christians who are not nice. The questions continued with whether all Norwegians are good and I was told "never".

Now this is a nice guy. We don't understand each other half of the time but he says he's trying. It wasn't a "you all hate Muslims and think we're all evil" kind of reply, it was just a simple question he asked me. But it did make me think a little.

Has the Muslim become the new Black Man? Is asking questions about Islam the same as asking about the colour of your skin? Has racism evolved into religionism?

You can't talk about race, or colour or culture as I might do as I don't consider race a useful term, without being perceived as a racist. I never thought of it as a bad thing to think about somebody's skin colour, simply because that's what it is - the colour of your skin. You can be black or brown or yellow, a delicious chocolate bronze, or pinkish white like me in winter. But then there's "black/brown - different culture / Africa /African-American". If your skin has a different colour, does that mean you are different from me?

I'm all for stopping racism in any way possible. I find the whole idea of racism in itself as ridiculous as Hitler's ideas were. But that doesn't make the problem less real. I've just started to question how careful we really need to be, if I treat a black person different because they're black (I don't know what the politically correct term is these days so I'll just use black), and act real respectful because they might have a different culture even if they grew up next door from me, wouldn't that be racism in a way? Acting in a way that is based on your colour or race?


The reason I'm even digging out the topic is that it's the same with Islam these days. When race became a no-no, did we need another way to separate 'them' from 'us' and religion just seemed the obvious choice?

If you as much as mention it the other person gets defensive. I guess as a Muslim today you hear so much bad you get used to defending yourself and your religion. Explaining that you're not bad just because some psychos go around blowing themselves up. That must get quite annoying after a while. But does that mean we need to tip toe around Muslims and Islam as we might do around race related issues? Of course nobody would do that today when it's all out there and in our face every day. What about in 40 year? Will religion be something we keep quiet about so we won't offend anyone?

When did religion stop being something you're proud of and turn into something you have to defend? Is it like this with all religions these days? There are so many of us who don't have a religion. We start thinking and realize we have too few answers to make up our minds. But many have found their answers. Or never asked the questions. And they have their religion. I've defended my own views countless times, be it in discussions with Christians or Muslims.

A while ago I had a discussion with a guy who didn't believe in religion. But he believed in God and was almost - but not quite - a Christian. He said he was open minded and thought everyone should believe in what they wanted. After half an hour it became painfully clear he wasn't too serious about that. His last line before we ended the conversation stands out in my mind as how most people think these days: Islam isn't the only problem, of course not, it's some people who make it bad. They believe in God too, they are allowed to do that, to believe in what they want. They are people people like we are.

But then again...

"At least I don't commit suicide and kill people.
I'm not a Muslim."

Which Religion...?

You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof). Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe. agnosticism 79% Buddhism 71% Paganism 58% Islam 50% Hinduism 42% atheism 42% Satanism 42% Christianity 25% Judaism t 25% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

I could believe that. I always cross the 'Other' box when asked about my religion and agnosticism sounds close enough to 'Other' for me not to think they're trying to categorize me too much. You don't categorize me. I'm special. And so are you.

Hot Cellular Christians

These two landed in my inbox a few days ago:








Now, my first reaction was; "you have got to be kidding me!". But now that I've thought about it, it actually makes sense. Religion is everywhere and we're all arguing about it. It would make sense to know right away just how religious your date is so that you won't end up in a terrible fight when you tell your girl she can't talk to men she's not related to, or you tell your man he has to wear a Kippah to the synagogue.

We should have dating services for Jews and Mulims aswell, not to mention Hindus and Buddhists. This one is for Christians, I'm not Christian so I won't have any use for it, but there might be others out there who will. I wonder if you have to tell them if you are a Catholic or Lutheran or if you belong to the Angelican church (forgive me for errors, as I said, it's not my religion).

The second ad also makes sense. You wouldn't want your Christian money to end up in the hands of a Jew or a Muslim would you? Who knows what they would do with it. Muslims aren't supposed to pay interest, their religion forbids it, could that be your concern? It does not, however, say that only Christians can apply, it only says 'Money Lending Based on Christian Prinsiples'. What are Christian principles within the money lending business? We'll give you money now then we'll take yours later? Do to others what you want others to do to you?

A good idea for those who are Christian. Maybe we'll all just convert to Christianity so that we can date all those wonderful people in the first ad and get all the money from the second ad. We sure don't want to be left out and Christians do seem to get around. With fancy ads from Hot Cellular Deals and everything.

666 saw 'Constantine'

The movie Constantine tells the story of a supernatural detective, hell, and things like it, and was seen by 666 people in Bergen the day it opened. The number supposedly belonging to the devil himself (herself? itself?) only amused the marketing director at Bergen Kino. 'A coincidence' she says.

A priest commented "The number 666 is only mentioned once in the Bible and is not a very important concept in Christianity".

Shoot, I should have gone, I would have made it 667...

Doris Day porn shocker!

A devout baptist couple were shocked when what they thought was a 1957 Doris Day film turned out to be a porn film.

But pensioners Alan and Anne Leigh-Browne, from Wellington, Somerset, watched the whole film before complaining.

They had bought the DVD of the 1957 U-certificate Pajama Game for £2.99 from a bargain bin at a Safeway supermarket.

But inside the box was Italian movie Tettore che Passione, which translates as Breasts of Passion, reports the Mirror.

Retired doctor Alan, 67, said: "We knew something was amiss when a warning flashed up on the screen advising under-18s not to carry on watching.

"It was a pretty raunchy, explicit film. It certainly pulled no punches. My wife and I were very shocked, but we watched it until the end because we couldn't believe what we were seeing."

The couple had expected to see the harmless story of a bunch of women workers in a pajama factory.

Alan went on: "Topless women appeared and started talking in Italian. We were horrified. The film became progressively more graphic. There was no plot to it - just sex."

Alan and Anne, 60, a retired teacher, are regulars at their local Baptist church.
Morrisons, which owns the Safeway store in Taunton, has promised to investigate.

09:23 Friday 28th January 2005
Copyright © 2005 Ananova Ltd



Now... what was it I really noticed in this text?

Let's see... "My wife and I were very shocked, but we watched it until the end because we couldn't believe what we were seeing."

You sat there for, what, an hour? Hour and a half? Because you couldn't believe it?

Alan, Anne, I don't think ANYBODY buys that... So you wanted to see a dirty movie when it was already there, so what?

Oh, maybe Baptists aren't supposed to watch porn... does anybody know?

Psalms and Dreams

There's this psalm called 'Måne og sol' - Moon and sun. That's the only psalm I like, not that I ever sing or hear any psalms. But I liked this one when I went to Sunday school and put sticky giraffes in a book. Yeah, I went to Sunday school. With my brother. Hated it too.

But this song, Måne og sol, is one I've always liked. I don't know it though, only the first lines and the tune. Or so I though. See, I've always thought the first line was

Måne og sol, vinder og hav
(Moon and sun, winds and oceans)

Well, today I did a search for it. And I found out I've been wrong all along. There's no ocean. The real version is

Måne og sol, skyer og vind
(Moon and sun, clouds and wind)

Where did I get the ocean from? When did I take the clouds out?

I've always loved the ocean. Growing up in a small town with a big lake, mountains all around, summer always meant going to the island where my mum grew up further north. I can see the ocean from my window now, but it's not an ocean, not really. It's a fjord creeping between islands and mountains. A month ago I was able to see the sky touch the sea in the horizon for the first time in... probably for the first time since I was there last, over 5 years ago. That's one of the most amazing things I can imagine... Just looking straight ahead, knowing there's nothing there for miles and miles.

I am gonna get on that boat one day, and I am gonna sail around the Caribbean.... Or the Mediterranean.

Not or - and.

Dreams...

The Church and The Wave

I'm going to church later. No, I haven't gone Christian all of a sudden but my sister is going to play today. She plays a trumpet like thing in the school band which isn't a school band anymore it's just basically everyone who wants to play. But they're good. It's sorta a Christmas concert and others will play, lots of singing and violins I expect. I used to play the violin, most kids here play an instrument. Music has always been a part of this town, people making violins, writing traditional Norwegian songs, the special way of singing these songs is called 'kveding'. 'Kved' is probably the same as 'Kvad' which was a song or a verse of some kind when the vikings where here. It's stuck around.

I don't much like this kind of music though, the singing really gets on my nerves. But it's tradition. Old songs being played again, old dances being danced so as not to be forgotten. Tourists love it. They can't get enough of it. When I played the violin we always had to play these old songs, old dance tunes like 'masurka' and 'polka'. I hated it. So did everybody else and most of us quit at the same time. I sucked at it, mostly because I didn't bother trying. Why? Because I didn't like those old songs. Over and over and over. We did get to play a Christmas song or two in December. If we were lucky. I wish they would put in some easy classical music, something more than just folk tunes from Honndalen.

Well, as I was saying, I'm going to church later. I'm gonna bring my camera and try and get a few pictures from there. I haven't been there in... probably two years... just go whenever there's a concert where my sister is playing or the school has a Christmas concert. I've left all that behind but it's nice when it's all Christmassy like today. Yesterday I was out walking with my sister, stopped by our grandparents and then went to rent some films. It was snowing and it was beautiful so I brough my camera. There must be something wrong with it, pictures are never clear anymore, they're either blurry or just... they don't look like they should. They look like they've been taken with a cell phone with a crappy quality camera in it. Of all the pictures I took last night, this one was the only one where you can actually see anything.

The picture is of a statue at the museum, just below our house. It's in a little fountain and they usually bring it inside for winter but this year they haven't. The statue is beautiful, it's a man standing and a woman sitting, looking up, holding onto him. It's called 'The Wave'. I'll have to get a better picture when spring comes. Must be cold for them though, no clothes, out there in the the snow...

Aaaargh!!

A jury made up of United Methodist Churchclergy convicted a lesbian minister Thursday of violating church law by openly living with her partner in a committed relationship. (FOXNews.com)

And I thought we didn't like it when religious people formed a jury and convicted others... Or maybe that's only if they're not christian because then everything goes. Right?

We're all supposed not to understand 'other' religions, assuming Christianity is what 'we' have and those are the rules we need to live by. I'm not even Christian and just because I live in Europe I'm supposed to be a part of all this. You know, I don't understand christianity either. I think it's great that people can believe in things they can find comfort in, that's wonderful. I however don't believe in it, and sometimes I'd like to say "it's great that you belive this, but we know it's not true so why waste energy trying to make everyone else believe it?". But I don't say that because I have no way of knowing what is true or not. There could be a god. It could be allah. We might go to nirvana after many many lives, or we might go to heaven or hell after this one. Or even purgatory. Who am I to say what is right? How would I know?

But this is just the problem isn't it? There are plenty people believe they do know. Some people believe god talks to them. Some people believe they or others are special because god or someone else chose them. How can you know if that's true or not? You can't. God chose them. He spoke to them. Not us.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgghh!!!


Lots of words that should be in CAPS here but I just chose to write all words the same way...

But...what...?

Touching upon the subject of arranged marriage with a guy from Pakistan. When he says it is this way (men are able to marry several women, while women can only have one husband) because religion says so, I say that 'religion sucks'. The answer I got was:

"not really
it has its own logics

well women were made for men
just to save the imbiguities of life religion made this rule"

Strange words from a smart guy, thanks to Asif for letting me post this.