Celeb Quotes

«So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? »
Christina Aguilera

«I get to go to lots of overseas places... like Canada. »
Britney Spears

«I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. »
Golf pro Greg Norman

«Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. »
Mariah Carey

«The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change. After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush. »
Sylvester Stallone

«I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. »
Linda Evangelista

«I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me. »
Jessica Simpson

«Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. »
Brooke Shields

«What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like wall stuff? »
Paris Hilton

«I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.»
Britney Spears

«Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken by the sea. »
Jessica Simpson

«I'm not sure if there was a key event that changed me, but I first had sex when I was 14. »
Angelina Jolie

«I've got taste. It's inbred in me. »
David Hasselhoff

«I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness. »
Alicia Silverstone

« I think God is a giant vibrator in the sky ... a pulsating force of incredible energy. »
David Arquette

«I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. »
Arnold Schwarzenegger

«He speaks English, Spanish, and he’s bilingual too. »
Boxing promoter Don King

«I feel my best when I'm happy. »
Winona Ryder

«All of a sudden you're like the Bin Laden of America. Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows what I'm going through. »
R.Kelly

«Where is East Angular, is it abroad? »
Big Brother contestant Jade Goody

Sandman says...

ok question


i just biked home


with my underwaer in my hands


is that a sign that a party was good?




gotta love a drunk boy...

Stupidity

"If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war."

- Pentagon official, on why US military
censored graphic footage from the Gulf War

Pick up lines

There are good ones, there are bad ones and there are the horrible. I think we can all agree that the reason they sometimes work is that they are just what they are - cheesy little lines meant as a way to start a conversation.

But as with anything and everything in life, it is not necessarily what you say that is the most important thing - it's how you say it. Only about 5-10% of our first impression of a person consists of the words the person says, the other 90-95% is body language; how they stand, sit, look at you, and the tone of their voice.

Even so, it does matter what comes out of your mouth (and what might end up inside it a little later);


What was that?

• So, you're a girl huh?

• Do you have a boyfriend?
  [No]
  Want one?
  [Yes]
  Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.

• I'd suck a fart out of your ass and hold it like a bong hit.

• If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
  

• Guy: I bet you're a C-cup.
  Girl: How'd you know that?
  Guy: My testicles are the same size.
  

No, no, no!

• Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?

• Roses are red, violets are blue, I have warts, so will you.

• Beww BEWWW Beww
  (What?)
  That is the sound of the ambulance coming to pick me up because when I saw you my heart stopped!

• Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose.
  (What?)
  (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!
  

That's cute

• I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

• There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.....

• I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

• I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?

• Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

• Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

• [Put a pen and a $20 in your pocket. Approach the target and take out the twenty and the pen. Rip the $20 in half and write your number on one half. Give the target the other half, then say call me tonight so we can figure out how to spend that money, and walk away.]

One I've heard is funny..

• Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
  (Why?)
  'Cause I could see myself in your pants.

Ooh baby...

• I'm bigger and better than the Titanic..... only 200 women went down on the Titanic.

• Ask: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?"
  (No.)
  [Wink.]

• [Use index finger to call someone over then say:] I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

• Male: Hey, I don't feel to good.
  Female: Why?
  Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach.
  Female: What?
  Male: (looking down) I think his trunk is already sticking out.

...and finally, my favourite:

• Can I please be your slave tonight?

mmm baby, any time...

Oh the leaves

"Leaves are dirty, that's why God put them in trees."

Reba, American TV show

I usually don't understand much when it comes to God but this one really didn't make sense..

Grapes of Wrath, part II

'If Ma was anywheres about, that gate'd be shut an' hooked. That's one thing she always done - seen that gate was shut.' His eyes were warm. 'Ever since the pig got in over to Jacobs' an' et the baby. Milly Jacobs was jus' out in the barn. She come in while the pig was still eatin' it. Well, Milly Jacobs was in a family way, an' she went ravin'. Never did get over it. Touched ever since.'

-- John Steinbeck, "The Grapes of Wrath"

Grapes of Wrath, part I

"Here's me preachin' grace. An' here's them people gettin' grace so hard they're jumpin' an' shoutin'. Now they say layin' up with a girl comes from the devil. But the more grace a girl got in her, the quicker she wants to go out in the grass." An' I got to thinkin' how in the hell, s'cuse me, how can the devil get in when a girl is so full of the Holy Sperit that it's spoutin' out of her nose an' ears.

-- John Steinbeck, "The Grapes of Wrath"

Ziya said...

"if my flight crashes i'll IM you from heaven"



How cute is that?
I wonder if they'll let him do that if he goes down below...

.dreams

"I remember one teacher told us that you know that you mastered the language when you dream with English."

- Ayoub the Berber

Bushes...

"But why should we hear about body bags, and deaths, and how many, what day it's gonna happen, and how many this or what do you suppose? Or, I mean, it's, it's not relevant. So, why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?"

Barbara Bush on Good Morning America (March 18, 2003) discussing her son proposing Iraqi Invasion II.


Read on Sylvana's blog Renegade Mouth

Squeek Squeek Squeek

Men and Monsters

Also from the book I'm reading.

The woman telling the story is a make up artist working for a TV station, currently on a science fiction show where she has to make the actors look like aliens, 'monsters' if you like.

"Hector took me aside today. He said he was sorry about Terry. I said, all I ever wanted to do was understand the man inside the monster. He said 'No love, you've got it the wrong way round.' He said women always do."


I think they might be invisible.

Military Instructions

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit.
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

Aim towards the Enemy.
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.
- USAF Ammo Troop

It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
- U.S. Air Force Manual

You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
- Unknown Marine Recruit


any my two favourites from this chain mail:

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
- U.S. Marine Corps

Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammunition.
- Infantry Journal

Things from TV

A few things I've seen on TV the last month or so, and decided I had to write down.

My big fat obnoxious fiancee
"A mother is only as happy as her saddest child"

According to Jim
Andy: "How do you sleep at night?"
Jim: "In the nude, with your sister."

Making Space
Family getting help making space in their house, they have the rooms, but too much mess. The two children (twins 3 1/2 years) have slept in their parents' bedroom all their lives. --- Three and a half years??? What about privacy? What about if the parents wanna, well, do what caused the kids to get there in the first place? Kitchen tables are useful, but surely there must be a limit to how much they can take...

Mythbusters (Discovery)
It has finally been proved that you get wetter by running in the rain, than by walking. Same distance, same amount of water. Don't run!

They tried making bullets out of different materials and found out that some materials (or powder in the bullets) have more 'stay-in-theredness' than others.

Forensic Detectives (Discovery)
Guy from Graham, Texas had been killed, the story of how they found out who did it. People he knew said he was a nice guy, he was like everyone else, always wore a hat, always wore big boots. --- Oh, I wanna live somewhere you're not normal if you're not wearing a cowboy hat!

Fornemmelse for mord (Norwegian show)
A woman commited suicide five years ago. What's strange about it? She did it in the freezer. Then afterwards she put a box on top of it.

Dharma & Greg
Kitty: "Don't worry, I have enough money to get away with one murder."

Woman: "The theme was 'under the sea' and I was drowning in loneliness."

Planet of the Apes
"Their ingenuity goes hand in hand with their cruelty" (about the humans)

Amish in the city
City-girl: "Milk is cow puss. It gets inside your body and makes you sick."

Same city-girl, whispering: "Those are chicken abortions" (about eggs)