I started thinking about it and I must admit - I have never truly had either. Chemistry perhaps, you need chemistry to make friends and lovers. But in combination with passion and lust in the bedroom? Never.
That strikes me as a little unfortunate and I can't help but feel I've missed out. I've never had that connection with someone that makes you tingle with anticipation, when you just have to have someone, raw passion, instincts taking over not caring about anything other than the here and now.
I've had the "like" and the "care for". The "just for fun" and the "feel like doing it", just not... not the passion and the chemistry in bed that I want to experience, that I imagine we all want to experience. Just being tossed around in the sack for a bit, because no one says love and lust are the same.
Then again, my friends do tell me sex is always better when you find that person you truly love, and who loves you back.
Have you ever had that lust, that passion with someone?
And would you rather have good sex with someone who is right for you in the long term, or experience raw passion with someone who is completely wrong?
Join the club, gurl. Passion + lust happened only once in my life, but he ruined it at the end with his insensitivity.
ReplyDeleteI think many people fool themselves into believing they love and are loved by the person they are bedding. Maybe it's gentler for their emotional psyche to handle than admitting to themselves they're thinking of someone else during the act.
That's why I'd prefer it if people gazed into one another's eyes throughout the act because if you close your eyes for a second, you're gonna think of somebody else, whoever it is. Maybe cos you can't close your eyes and picture the guy who's already IN you?
My theory about lack of intimacy during sex is because of the light. WHY OH WHY more and more people wanna see you during the act??? Buddy, genitals were made to be looked at only to initially arouse you, NOT have you stare at them all the time!
Whew ... I have calmed down now. :)
I'll let you in on a secret of mine I might have discovered only last night, as I was munching on almonds: I'd love it if the guy I was in love with did not have sex with me. Weird, huh? To me, as soon as sex happens, love leaves the bed and my heart. But is there anybody willing to see and not touch? Doubt it ...
I totally agree. Well, actually, if the guy would have desired me and wanted to have sex with me (so I would feel attractive, beautiful and sexy) but somehow we never actually had sex, that would be perfect. I have actually been in relationships like that..where the guy loves me so much he would do without it, not because he wanted, but because he loved me more. And no cheating involved either.
ReplyDeleteGuess who ended up dumping them?
Me.
Not because I did not "like" them or even "loved" them, as the author says...but because without this additional feeling of being in love, or at least being lustful as hell...something feels wrong. Something IS missing...and then I would rather be single than feeling that way.
Then there are new rounds of avoiding these situations until you again think you should give it a go, date someone...and you know what is ahead, it will be the same thing all over again..but you still wish things were different.
At least I am happy to learn there are several people feeling something similar to what I am.
At the same time..I also grieve this lack of interest I seem to have for it. Argh.
I actually think that I have really strong crushes on people until something actually happens. If I know sex might be an option..or even after days of just kissing and petting..I am not interested. So I think feeling lust + personal chemestry is all that it takes to being crazy in love.
:(