Thursday, March 25, 2010

Fantasies and Broken Dreams

Some times we have to make difficult choices. Choices we are reluctant to make because they challenge fundamental believes inside of us. They change hopes and dreams. Some times we have to choose between a fantasy and what we can realistically achieve. Fantasies and dreams can come true, but you have to work for them. Someone has to make the first move. And when you hesitate you may lose your chance. The only chance you're ever given.

So we chose.. we choose what is safe. We carefully place one stone onto another as we build our lives here on Earth. We place our stones one next to the other, horizontally. We build houses, little houses of our stones, not big towers standing tall. Not like we used to. We've forgotten our castles in the sky.

It's part of growing up, they say. They don't call it 'losing hope'.They no longer remember their dreams as anything other than fantasies, thought up by an overactive mind in an unrealistic child. It's easier to deal with silly fantasies than broken dreams.

It can be anything ... buying one apartment because you don't know if the one you're dreaming of even exists. Taking a job you don't really want because those you do are impossible to find. Choosing to go with the guy who tells you he likes you, because the one who makes you tingle never said a word. Choosing a small town life over a city because not even the city is big enough to hold all your dreams.

How long do you give it? How long does the single woman wait to have the child she longs for? How long do you wait for 'the one'? When do you know it's now or never, when have you had enough? How do you know? How do you know it's time to knock over your tower, to start laying your stones down, one next to the other?

When you reach for the stars you may tumble and fall. And the way back down is long and hard. Broken dreams are hard to deal with, so we rationalize. We choose differently to avoid getting hurt. To avoid wasting time waiting for something which might not even be real.

What about the guy who says he likes you and the job you don't really want? Long term those might be the smartest choices you ever made. Short term ... you'd rather have the tingle and the fun.

Maybe our dreams 'breaking' is what it takes for us to see the future. To accept it. To embrace happiness over insecurity. A way to force us to examine reality and take our dreams for what they are ... just dreams.

We choose to change. And we do so by telling ourselves we have no choice. But like a flower turning away from the sun we too will wither and die without the light and the hope our dreams bring.

It's easier to deal with silly fantasies than broken dreams. They both tell us something about ourselves; the fantasies who we are. the dreams who we were.


  1. You've just reinforced a unique perspective on dreams being broken - that it helps us see the future -- that I only just considered as I was reading Robert Benjamin's memoir I Promised You Daisies. At one reflection point, he is in his 30's, his marriage has ended, and he's wondering how to move on. He writes, "What if I could have the courage to perform my own amputation, to cut myself away from all the old sadness, and cauterize my wound with the stinging shock of leaving behind everything familiar and comfortable? Could I do that?"

    I think there's something in the human psyche that leaves us no choice but to do so or watch our spirit die long before our body does.

    As for fantasies being easier to deal with than broken dreams...absolutely, but I'd rather have the experience of reaching for my dreams and having my heart broken than, as the Moody Blues so aptly write and sing, "living in the land of make-believe." Life in a body is too amazing not to try.

  2. Anonymous11:28 PM

    It's "LOSING" NOT "LOOSING". :)

    "Loose" means less tight.

    I think if we dream we need to set goals and put them in action. Otherwise you set yourself up for disappointment.

    If we don't meet those goals then we reevaluate. We also need to be realistic. We can't all have the perfect house or the perfect partner but we can all have happiness if we try. We need to remember we are imperfect and part of finding happiness is accepting that.

    But then again, a lot of what you speak is not about dreaming the impossible but limiting yourself with self doubt. It's not likely that you will marry Tom Cruise but if you make yourself the best person you can you will very likely meet someone that is incredible and have a rich fulfilling life.

  3. @Kate - absolutely. By "fantasies and broken dreams" I meant that... when we're young we dream. And as we grow up it's easier to say "oh that... that was just a silly fantasy I had as a kid" than to admit "yeah... I really wanted that.. but I didn't get it. And I never will". It's easier to believe, looking back, that what never happened could never, realistically, happen.

    That's why it's important to do what you can, when you can.. because when we get older those lost dreams will eat away at us, and we'll be forced to ignore them, ridicule them, simply to survive.

    @ Anonymous - Yeah... I won't even comment on the Tom Cruises of the world..

    Thanks for the tip on the spelling error, I'll get that corrected right away.

  4. sv: Takk for hjelpen! jeg ante meg at det var en god grunn til at de ikke var oppført på grønn listen deres, har lest flere plasser at de ikke tester på dyr, så har valgt å tro på det fremfor :)


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