Grandfather

I was planning on writing how I'd walked back from one of my exams today, they have most of the exams a bit outside the city and it took about an hour and a half to get back here. I really have to start bringing my camera when I go out – the view was amazing from up there. I walked and walked until «wait a minute... I've been here before...» and realized I'd been walking in circles.

That's when my mum sent me a text message saying «Hey. Call home when your exam is over.» So many things were wrong with that message, knowing the way my mum writes and the fact that she was supposed to be at work at the time. I felt something was very wrong, as I have the two times I've had grandparents pass away.


My grandfather died this morning. He's been... gone... for a while, no one could really understand what he was saying and he couldn't walk or do anything by himself. He'd been getting worse lately and although we didn't expect it, it wasn't exactly a shock.

I can't... feel sad that he's gone. Not yet. I felt we'd lost him already. Now it's just thinking back and knowing we'll never see him again, that a long life is over. It's not that he won't be around, it's that he won't be alive, that he won't get to experience anything more.

I only saw him and my grandmother three times a year, when I went home for summer, Christmas and Easter. I guess now is the time to start regretting I didn't visit them more when I was there. I spent a lot of time with them when I was a kid.. that was a long time ago.

From what I'm told he got worse very fast after Easter, I don't know what was wrong, I don't know if anyone did, he was just... old, and didn't make much sense anymore. I wonder what it was like for him. What living and dying was like.


I was planning on staying in the city a couple weeks longer but now it looks like I'll be headed home in a few days.

I hope my grandpa's resting now...