Dark Monster

I'm entering my room at night. It's dark. It's late. I leave the lights off until I reach my bed, where I turn on the lamp on my nightstand. I turn towards the bed and stop. I stare, in horror, at what I see.

In the middle of my bed, glaring at me, like something evil, dressed in black - threatening me with eternal damnation.... is a Bible.

My Bible. Do I have a Bible?? (I have a Bible...)


I've got to stop reading books referencing the Bible; I never can resist the temptation to look up the passage and go "Ha ha - it doesn't even say that! Suck at that, sucker!!"

Freaks me out every time I see the damn thing though, never can figure out what the hell a Bible is doing on my bed... (I have a feeling it doesn't want to be in that particular spot any more than I want it there...)

Maybe I should get a Quran, I wonder if that would be equally freaky... 

There's a Bible in my bed, There's a Bible in my bed!

Oh wait...

...it took a second before I realized what it was doing there.
A very scary second.


A friend posted a note on Facebook about Adam having called the first woman, in Norwegian, "manninne" ("mann" being "man"). Which probably makes sense if the Bible is directly translated from English (wo-man), but not in Norwegian - my edition (yes, I own one) says "kvinne" which sounds quite different.

Either some Bibles are badly translated. Well... I guess we already know all Bibles are, but for the sake of the argument let's say this was either another bad translation, or the book did not sell well enough so they decided to edit some parts.

Well... again, we all know that is true too.


Man.. it's so hard to be funny criticizing the Bible when all criticisms have already been proven true...

Happytime with my Bible

I'm sitting quietly on my bed reading the Bible when my mum walks in and sees me.

"I'm reading the Bible", I tell her.

I just loved her reaction..

"No... Oh my!" she said, sighed, shook her head and rolled her eyes at the same time.

I had to tell her the reason I was doing so was someone had tried to argue that;
1) the Bible says catholic priests have to be celibate, and
2) only the Quran says homosexuals should be killed

Both statements were false, naturally, and I was looking for this;

"If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death, their blood is upon them (Lev.20,13)

Crazy ass Christians...

Morality

Your morality is 0% in line with that of the bible.

Damn you heathen! Your book learnin' has done warped your mind. You shall not be invited next time I sacrifice a goat.

Do You Have Biblical Morals?

I have never been more proud!

Amazing grace...

Today Firefox didn't want to let people see my blog. If you typed in the address it said you were here, but the page that was shown was amazingbiblestudies.com, which calls itself;

"a Mega-site of Bible, Christian & religious information"

Maybe someone felt my page was too 'ungodly'...

666 saw 'Constantine'

The movie Constantine tells the story of a supernatural detective, hell, and things like it, and was seen by 666 people in Bergen the day it opened. The number supposedly belonging to the devil himself (herself? itself?) only amused the marketing director at Bergen Kino. 'A coincidence' she says.

A priest commented "The number 666 is only mentioned once in the Bible and is not a very important concept in Christianity".

Shoot, I should have gone, I would have made it 667...