Sunday, March 30, 2008

Too Young To Know

I'm only 23 years old. Hopefully only one fourth through my life. Well... that would mean my living 'till I'm 92 (or 94 if you count the months). Maybe I only have one third left - that would mean I'd live until I'm 70,5 years old.

I've always had a feeling I wouldn't grow old. However, my being Norwegian, and everything that entails, I'll probably live to be a bit older than 'most people'. That's what being Norwegian means. But I don't intend on sitting here, waiting for my 92nd birthday.

The most common question I'm asked these days is "What will you become when you grow up?" I usually reply "Smart", hoping that after one year of Psychology, then Development studies, interrupted by one year of Economics "how to make more money....errr.... not my thing), hoping that in one year, I'll at least have a Bachelor Degree in Development Studies, maybe that will make me smart.

Fat chance...

In August I'm off to Uganda. I could try to explain to you how I felt when I heard I'd got through to that programme but, well, I'm not a screamer. Although I sometimes wish I was.. Or at least could be.. I need to practice on that.

How am i expected to have all the answers?I have no idea. The one thing I hate the most (...or one of them...) is when people say "oh, you're too young to understand." I'll be the first to admit I'm too young to have all the answers, I'm too young to know why the world is the way it is. It takes experience, and a lot of it, to know anything about anything.

I don't know the answer to every question. I don't know whether there is a god or not. I dont' know what to do in every situation. I don't know everything. Or anything at all.

The only thing I know is I'm willing to learn. The older I get, the more inclined I'll be to tell people who are younger than me "you're too young to know". I'll try my best not to do that, but the older you get, the more aware you are... Of the facts of life. You know it's a hell of a lot more complicated than you ever thought. To tell you the truth, people who are younger than me scare me.

But... What I've learnt is that "you're too young" is not the right answer. When I was 12 I first got online. By 13 I was discussing the facts of life with people around the world - which was the reason I wanted to get online in the first place. I realize I'm too young in some aspects, simply because I haven't lived long enough. But simply telling someone they're too young only means you're not bothered to explain.

The older I get, the more I learn and, perhaps, the more I understand. About the world and the people in it. I'll never know everything. I'll never be old enough.

And I'm sort of OK with that. I know I'll never know everything. Only the idea of "KNOWING EVERYTHING" is ridiculous. But I never want to stop wondering, stop investigating. I want to spend my life digging around (which is what I do best) - I'll forever be a student. A student of life.

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