Saturday, October 03, 2009

Sexuality : A Question Unanswered

I've been asked to write something about homosexuality and bisexuality. I never thought about the fact that I write my blog from a heterosexual point of view, but I guess that's to be expected since I don't have any experience with anything else. If anyone here have different views or experiences, please do share.

I'm not sure why this was so difficult to write. Why I couldn't find the words, never seemed to be able to express what I was thinking. Why everything sounded so negative and I had to delete everything and start over. Maybe I've just never put it into words before. Maybe I didn't know how to.

A couple years ago a friend added me on Facebook. I looked at his profile and there was something unexpected. It said "Interested in: Men". I was surprised. For about two seconds. Then I went "Ohhhh.... how did I not thing of that? That makes so much sense!". And that was it.

I think a lot of people experience a sense of disappointment when they find out a person isn't who they thought they were. They feel they've missed out, that something's been hidden. That the picture they had of you and the future they imagined isn't real. And never will be.

FRIENDS I think a lot of people say a lot of stupid things, mostly because they don't know what they really feel and how to express those feelings. It becomes easier to ridicule, to harass, to embarrass those who are different, rather than telling them it doesn't matter and that they'll always be your friend.

I think meeting someone who's gay or bisexual isn't the issue. That's just who they are. I think it's harder when an old friend tells you something like that. You start looking back at the past and feel you should have known. You might start questioning your experiences and your friendship. Then you realize this has probably been hard for them, and you respect them for who they are and the choices they never got to make.

FAMILY If it's a sibling it gets harder. The future, having kids, little cousins playing together. Bringing all your families home to your parents during Christmas. It changes. The picture is different. The same if it's a child, only then you've imagined their lives from the day they were born. You've seen them get married, you've seen them have kids. Now you have to erase all that and start over. And you realize it never really started until now. This is it.. your child has grown up and it's time to let go. They'll find love.. you hope. And all that matters is your baby's happy.

If it's a parent it's the hardest. It means your family splitting up. Children moving here or there. Separate houses, separate lives. It means all the memories of a happy childhood enveloped in a dark fog. For a while. It means Christmas will never be the same. Resentment towards the one who ruined it all. Then you accept the fact that even parents should be happy, and that you have to make the best of it. It will never be the same but.. it doesn't have to be that bad.

Who you sleep with, who you fall in love with, is not the issue. It's the distance between an imagined future and the one you'll start creating. It's the dreams people have of for you which will have to change. It's the image of you and the love of your life that has to be retouched, because it will no longer fit. Imagining nothing, we won't be disappointed. But imagination is a gift and a pleasure. Using it, we sometimes get disappointed when our dreams don't come true. Even dreams for others. But they were just that. Dreams.

Dreams change. And the best dreams are those that come true. Those you don't have to imagine. And even though they're not quite as you expected them.. they can still be everything you ever wished for. Even if you don't know it yet.

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