Good enough to date?

I learnt something new today. This happens so rarely these days it feels all new and exciting - imagine knowing something now that I didn't this morning.. amazing!

The little piece of information I have now aquired came to me through a blog I visited for the first time. Five guys (I think) write about girls. They do a rather good job at it, I have to admit. The post I read started like this;

"Guys only want to have sex, but never a girlfriend!"

In the following post I will be cynical, unromantic, politically incorrect and brutally HONEST... so when, in a few lines, you'll sit there all annoyed about how big a prick I am, remember it's for a good cause. I want to help girls who complain about guys who "only want to have sex, but never a girlfriend."

But that takes a little bit of tough love, and an unpleasant dose of reality. Let's get straight to it, so here goes:

As opposed to girls, it's very common for guys to have sex with someone they don't find attractive enough to be girlfriend material!

Now, I didn't think the post was cynical or politically incorrect at all, but that's beside the point (if you want to read the rest of it, in Norwegian, you can find it here: 0330.no). What struck me was how simply put such an important piece of knowledge was.

Some of you might remember an episode of Sex and the City where Miranda was told that some guy (or by some guy) that he's "just not that into you". She saw that as an epiphany of sorts - no more hows and whys and ifs and buts; he's just not that into you. It kinda felt like that.

Girls know guys think differently about sex than we do (most of the time), and guys know girls think differently. But I hadn't thought of it quite like that before, that people can be divided into groups of those who are and those who are not attractive enough to want to date. That someone is "good enough to sleep with but not good enough to date".

I guess I just always though that if you slept with someone but didn't date them it was because of personality. I've slept with guys I didn't want to have as a boyfriend - but that's never been because he was too ugly to show off. If he was, he wouldn't have been in my bed in the first place. There have been other reasons though.. age, aquaintances, personality, geography. Actually geography is the one that stands out the most.


The concept of "attractive enough to sleep with but attractive enough to date" is new to me. Fascinating stuff..

The Scary Pill : Hormones and Pheromones

According to researchers, women tend to choose different men when we're on the pill than we otherwise would. The reason is that during ovulation, our hormones peak. When on the pill, we do not ovulate and the hormones which usually flow into our blood never get released.

This means the men we would usually pick at the time we are most likely to get pregnant, the typically masculine men, we no longer want. Instead, we go for the type of guys we would pick when we are not ovulating - caring, more feminine guys who resemble ourselves.

Although we'd like to think we're making an informed decision, whether or not we are on the pill (and the hormones that go with it) can actually influence our decision when it comes to picking a mate.

The influence of the pill does not stop there. When women do not ovulate, we no longer produce pheromones, which all over the animal kingdom, including for us human beings, is a scent or a stimulant for attracting those of the opposite sex.

It's what tells animals when the females are in heat, and humans also subconsciously react to it. Selling "pheromones" in little bottles has become an industry, advertising that this will make you irresistible (kind of like the Axe commercials for men). The pill removes this natural element completely.


So.. side effects of the pill are; you get attracted to feminine men, you get less attractive to all men, and you want less sex.

And we think the pill is so great.. why exactly?

Passionate Encounters - and the lack thereof

Last night while discussing love, lust and the like with one of those nice people who live in my computer, I was confronted with the question of what is really the difference between passion, chemistry and lust? I don't really know if is there any significant difference.

I started thinking about it and I must admit - I have never truly had either. Chemistry perhaps, you need chemistry to make friends and lovers. But in combination with passion and lust in the bedroom? Never.

That strikes me as a little unfortunate and I can't help but feel I've missed out. I've never had that connection with someone that makes you tingle with anticipation, when you just have to have someone, raw passion, instincts taking over not caring about anything other than the here and now.

I've had the "like" and the "care for". The "just for fun" and the "feel like doing it", just not... not the passion and the chemistry in bed that I want to experience, that I imagine we all want to experience. Just being tossed around in the sack for a bit, because no one says love and lust are the same.

Then again, my friends do tell me sex is always better when you find that person you truly love, and who loves you back.

Have you ever had that lust, that passion with someone?

And would you rather have good sex with someone who is right for you in the long term, or experience raw passion with someone who is completely wrong?

Wear your beauty on the outside, please!

"LONDON (Reuters) - The way that BeautifulPeople.com accepts new members is simple. A potential member applies with a photo and a brief profile. Over 48 hours, existing members of the opposite sex vote whether or not to admit them.

The site was founded in 2002 in Denmark and went live across the globe last month. Since then, the site has rejected nearly 1.8 million people from 190 countries, admitting just 360,000 new members."

From the website;

• Do looks matter to you, when it comes to selecting a partner?
• Do you want to guarantee your dates will always be beautiful?
• No more filtering through unattractive people on mainstream sites.
• Meet beautiful people locally and from around the world - now.

Online dating used to be a little taboo. Now it's getting more accepted, but apparently there's still one thing wrong with it; there's ugly people there!! Oh the horror..

Of course, everyone understands how humiliating it must be for Barbie herself to meet this wonderful guy she's been talking to, this potential Mr. Right (or at least Mr. Right Now and tonight) only to discover he looks like the Grinch. She must feel so violated!


The site has recently gone global so... where are Barbie and the Grinch from?

"Fewer than 12.5% of British men and 15% of women who have applied to BeautifulPeople.com have been accepted, an emailed statement from the website showed. Only the male Russian and Polish applicants fared worse than British men.

Swedish men have proved the most successful, with 65 percent being accepted, while Norwegian women are considered the most beautiful with 76 percent accepted."

I'm not entirely sure if knowing that people from your country are considered the most beautiful is a good thing or a terrible thing for those of us who would never even entertain the thought of trying to join a club like that (key word being trying), where looks are everything and personality nothing..

The site claims to be honest and not politically correct (in that they admit beauty is important when selecting a mate), and also offers a "Business Area for networking and employment opportunities" since looks are critical when doing business.


I guess this site is pretty much Superficial Central. I have a feeling I wouldn't like it there - and they sure wouldn't like me. The site has been criticized a bit but I'm thinking... if this keeps the most shallow people off other sites (because, let's face it, the rest of us can never measure up to them) that makes them steer well clear of me.
And that is definitely a good thing!

(apples - always looking for the silver lining!)

Nothing to report

I'm trying to think of something, but there's nothing there.

Basically.. winter is coming. No snow yet just temperatures below freezing. I've stayed inside the past couple days, hiding. My face looks like the cat gave me a makeover with her claws.

Which is exactly what she did.

But hey, my cheek stopped bleeding. And I'm just being very careful whenever she comes over pretending to be nice, because I know it means an attack is coming. Kittens can be cruel.


Other than that... I've decided it's time for a crush. It's been a long time and I miss the feeling. Or is that the kinda thing I'm not supposed to admit?

..girls are allowed, aren't we? :)

Sexuality : A Question Unanswered

I've been asked to write something about homosexuality and bisexuality. I never thought about the fact that I write my blog from a heterosexual point of view, but I guess that's to be expected since I don't have any experience with anything else. If anyone here have different views or experiences, please do share.


I'm not sure why this was so difficult to write. Why I couldn't find the words, never seemed to be able to express what I was thinking. Why everything sounded so negative and I had to delete everything and start over. Maybe I've just never put it into words before. Maybe I didn't know how to.

A couple years ago a friend added me on Facebook. I looked at his profile and there was something unexpected. It said "Interested in: Men". I was surprised. For about two seconds. Then I went "Ohhhh.... how did I not thing of that? That makes so much sense!". And that was it.

I think a lot of people experience a sense of disappointment when they find out a person isn't who they thought they were. They feel they've missed out, that something's been hidden. That the picture they had of you and the future they imagined isn't real. And never will be.


FRIENDS I think a lot of people say a lot of stupid things, mostly because they don't know what they really feel and how to express those feelings. It becomes easier to ridicule, to harass, to embarrass those who are different, rather than telling them it doesn't matter and that they'll always be your friend.

I think meeting someone who's gay or bisexual isn't the issue. That's just who they are. I think it's harder when an old friend tells you something like that. You start looking back at the past and feel you should have known. You might start questioning your experiences and your friendship. Then you realize this has probably been hard for them, and you respect them for who they are and the choices they never got to make.


FAMILY If it's a sibling it gets harder. The future, having kids, little cousins playing together. Bringing all your families home to your parents during Christmas. It changes. The picture is different. The same if it's a child, only then you've imagined their lives from the day they were born. You've seen them get married, you've seen them have kids. Now you have to erase all that and start over. And you realize it never really started until now. This is it.. your child has grown up and it's time to let go. They'll find love.. you hope. And all that matters is your baby's happy.

If it's a parent it's the hardest. It means your family splitting up. Children moving here or there. Separate houses, separate lives. It means all the memories of a happy childhood enveloped in a dark fog. For a while. It means Christmas will never be the same. Resentment towards the one who ruined it all. Then you accept the fact that even parents should be happy, and that you have to make the best of it. It will never be the same but.. it doesn't have to be that bad.


Who you sleep with, who you fall in love with, is not the issue. It's the distance between an imagined future and the one you'll start creating. It's the dreams people have of for you which will have to change. It's the image of you and the love of your life that has to be retouched, because it will no longer fit. Imagining nothing, we won't be disappointed. But imagination is a gift and a pleasure. Using it, we sometimes get disappointed when our dreams don't come true. Even dreams for others. But they were just that. Dreams.

Dreams change. And the best dreams are those that come true. Those you don't have to imagine. And even though they're not quite as you expected them.. they can still be everything you ever wished for. Even if you don't know it yet.

How you know it's time to consider getting a BF:

Your nine years younger sister asks you if you've met anyone in your tiny home town yet.

You say no.. the only single thing you've met was that dashing young sheep up the valley.

She then proceeds to suggest single guys "just a couple years older than you" (and naming a few of them) who you might be interested in.

"Nope, not interested."

She then starts asking if you didn't meet anyone at the festival a month ago.


I'm not sure what's going on, but I know I don't like it.


Sure, I met someone I might be... interested in. But that's a two-way street and you don't really get to negotiate with a STOP sign..

Here we go again...

I hate having feelings...

Stupid, stupid ex boyfriends!

Sex with an Ex

PROs:

• The sex is always good
• You know his likes and dislikes
• He knows yours
• No awkward moments
• Not a lot of insecurities
• No weird "I'll call you" conversation
• The best friggin orgasm of my life!!

CONs:

• Feels weird when he hints at having slept with other girls

As you can see... the pro-side wins hands down.

Which is good cuz I already did the dirty, and there ain't no looking back.
Strike what I said here and here - that was spring. Now is summer.


Sex with an Ex?
If you leave your feelings at the door, I'd highly recommend it!

Cuts off Penis to Avoid Marriage

An Egyptian man cut off his own penis, protesting the bride his parents had chosen for him.

The 25 year old worker from the village Sheikh Eissa in southern Egypt was brought to hospital Sunday evening, and his condition is stable.

- He was in love with a woman, but his parents did now allow him to marry her. Instead they demanded he marry someone else, which he did not wish to do. The man went to his room and cut off his penis in order to avoid the marriage, a police officer says.

The hospital was unable to reattach the penis.


I wonder if the other girl wants to marry him when he doesn't have a dick, or if he's really been screwed for the first and only time...

Valentine's Day Fun Facts on Love

On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
(that's once a day for only 8.2 years!)

Experts insist that the average person falls in love seven times before marriage.

On average, a woman kisses about 79 men before getting married.

Your lips are 100 times more sensitive than the tips of your fingers. A real kiss quickens your pulse to 100 beats a minute.

Men who kiss their wives every morning before going to work live 5 years longer than all others.
(they are also more successful in business, more hard working, and earns more money)

* 2 out of 5 have married their first love.
* Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
* 1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.
* 6% propose over the phone.
(wonder how many said yes...)


...and for the cynics out there...

Love was originally invented by Microsoft, thus explaining its chronic instability.

Eight out of 10 women in their twenties fear that they will never find a soulmate.

72% of men admit to fantasizing about their workmates.

The worst place for love and romance to survive is the United States - Americans hold the record for the highest divorce rate in the world.

With the increasing use of Internet dating, rates of both casual sex and divorces increase.
(I can only attest to the accuracy of the first..)

You may have thought it was just a turn of phrase, but no. It's official. Love makes people crazy according to researchers at the University of London. For starters, falling in love causes serotonin levels in the brain to drop, causing obsession. Then it increases production of cortisol, a stress hormone that causes high blood pressure and potential loss of sleep. And to make matters worse, when we look at our new loves, the neural circuits that control social judgment are suppressed, which may explain the phrase "blinded by love."
(good thing then that sex releases hormones that make you relax!)
(come to think of it, I could use a little crazy right about now...)

In Ancient Greece, pederasty, a same-sex relationship between an older man, known as the erastes, and a beardless boy, the paidika became a cultural ideal. The relationship would end once the boy reached puberty.
(oh eww gross!)

The boyfriend

I guess it might be time to say something about this now... The Guy and I started dating two years ago, and we broke up before I came to Uganda. He didn't want to lose me as a girlfriend and I didn't want to lose him as a friend, so it's not quite official yet... Facebook still says we're together, if that's anything to go by.

I'm supposed to think, experience something new and see if I'll change my mind. But I won't, I know that now. I'll just have to find a way to tell him that, it doesn't seem fair to do it online - "oh btw my feelings won't change, gtg, cya!"

Might not seem very fair to put it on a blog either, but he doesn't read this - he says he doesn't and I trust him.

I just felt it was time to put thinks straight. I've been on here since long before I met him and it doesn't feel like I'm being honest with myself or anyone else when I don't tell this story, as I've told so many others.

Anybody got any idea how to break a heart without actually breaking it?

Like vs. Love

There should be a word between 'like' and 'love'.

I've met a lot of guys I've 'liked', but only a couple that I've 'loved'.

So how do you classify the guys in between? Like my boyfriend... I clearly like him. But I don't love him. Which is fine, he doesn't love me either. We like each other, like spending time together and we care about each other. But it's not love. So where do I put him?

I don't want to say I just like him because, well, I like most people. How do you label the people who fall in between categories, people you care deeply about but do not love?

Maybe it's easier in English, there you can love family members and friends, but in Norwegian you don't do that. You only 'love' one person. 'Liking' applies to everything, from your friends to your grumpy (but oddly charming) neighbour.


And while we're on the subject... is 'love' and 'in love' the same thing?
I say no, but an American I once knew said they were.
It confused me. What do you think?

Regarding the previous post...

...another way of looking at it would be that if I hadn't met those people, I wouldn't have been all happy for a while... The feeling when you're happy and go to bed hoping you'll dream of a person is incredible.

The more it hurts when that feeling is stopped, the happier you were before it did.

I guess another down is necessary for an up to come again.
And I do love the ups!

Mental note to self:

Guys suck.
When you think you meet a nice one, you're only kidding yourself.
Not only until I learn not to feel anything for anyone, should I have anything to do with guys.


I think I bring this on myself though, at least sometimes. I don't show my feelings, people assume I don't have any, and thus that I cannot be hurt. Which is, of course, complete bull shit. I have feelings, just like everybody else. They're there all the time and I'm a rather sensitive person although I hate to admit it. I care about people easily, really doesn't take long. That's why it hurts when I realize the other person doesn't mean half of what he says.



- Please note that if you confront me with anything I've written here I'll claim insanity. I don't have feelings and you can't hurt me. Period.

A Voice

I know it's possible to miss people. I've done that once or twice. You can miss things or places or your pet or your car. But can you miss the sound of somebody's voice? I mean... wouldn't it be more natural to miss the person the voice belonged to rather than the actual voice? What if this voice was one that, only thinking about it, made you dream. A voice that sounded safe and soft, yet strong and powerful. I love voices, and when I find one I like, it seems only natural to miss it...

International Online Romance WeekMay 8th - 14th

It does work for some people.
For others... not so much.

Anybody wanna be my special someone this week?

Jesse the Jerk

Do you have a girlfriend?
- be very very nice to her.

Do you have ex-girlfriends?
- be very very scared.


Ladies and gentlemen... meet Jesse the Jerk

To fall or not to fall

Blogthings told me that out of the girls in Sex and the City, I'm most like Carrie. That's perfectly alright, Carrie's cool and I was never quite able to see myself as any of them. I did love Charlotte though, but she was way too romantic for my liking.


But it was the last two lines that struck me:


Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year...

Totally different from any guy you've dated.


Now that's something worth waiting for!

I think I do need a change - the guys I fall for tend to disappear into thin air. I'll just hope if I do end up liking someone, he'll like me too. Otherwise it just sucks.

Little Devils...

The common idea is that girls are harder to please. We just want to find a guy, then we start changing him. Women get jealous, we have high expectations and want to be treated like little princesses. Otherwise we get grumpy and won't sleep with the guy. The strange thing about this is even we girls seem to accept it as a fact most of the time.

Of course girls are different. Some are easy to please, others won't be happy till you cut off your arm for them. But what is common for all of us, no matter where you are, no matter how easy you are to please, no matter what.. the one thing which is inevitable is this:

if we ever, ever, do anything "girly", we're accused of being "such a girl".

Which, said like that, is a really bad thing. Guys assume all girls are whiny little brats - and with the current girl they just haven't been able to prove it yet. As soon as we say something along the lines of "no, I won't let you take my clothes off in the middle of the street!" (yes, that happened), we become "such a girl". It's inevitable.


So imagine my surprise when I heard someone present this statement:

"guys are so fucking high maintenance, i swear dating women is easier"

This comes from someone who has dated both men and women. Someone who doesn't seem to be trapped inside everyday conventions and likes trying anything new. Someone who actually has the right to say anything at all about who is easier to date based on the simple fact that he has tried both.

Maybe he's right. I asked another guy what he thought. This was a guy I thought would say something along the lines of "some girls are easy, some are hard. just like guys." But I was wrong. His answer to the question "Do you think guys are easier to date than girls?" Was"Yeah I think so. Well most of the times."

A few minutes later we found out it came down to this:

girls are difficult because they have expectations about where to go and what to do on dates.

guys are easy because they don't have expectations about where to go and what to do.


Basically girls have expectations. But I would say it's more than a little naïve to say guys have no expectations. However - guys' expectations seem to revolve around the end of the date, not the other parts of it. Generally speaking, of course.

Guys are expected to want sex. We all know they want it.

What are girls expected to want? What can we want that guys will say "of course, it's only natural she wants that, and she should get it (although maybe not on the first date). It's not her fault."


Yikes...

Guys are high maintenance.
Who knew?!?

Wake up and smell the sarcasm...