Guys are stupid.

Boys are stupid. Boys are boys.

Guys are stupid. And for those who say they are men, not guys:

Men are stupid!

Sometimes they're stupid because of what they say, sometimes because of what they don't say. Sometimes they say something they shouldn't, other times you can't make them talk to you no matter what you do.

Stupid as in mean, not stupid as in not smart. Well...

As the woman I am, I'll say what all women are supposed to say.
It's not what you said, it's how you said it.


From a conversation between an 21 year old male and a 20 year old female:


Greg: what are you doing?
apples: nothing much
Greg: i had oral sex yesterday
apples: she broken up with her bf yet?
Greg: nope, this is another one
apples: oh so it's not the girl you love, it's another one
apples: that's nice
Greg: yeah
Greg: this one has huge boobs
apples: and?
Greg: delicious
(...)
apples: what about the other girl?
apples: you still like her?
Greg: yes
Greg: a lot
apples: so why have sex with another girl?
Greg: just oral sex
apples: still sex
Greg: i don't know
apples: does the girl you like know you have oral sex with the girl with big boobs?
Greg: the other wanted to and i didn't say no
(...)
apples: does she, the girl you like, have oral sex with other guys?
Greg: she has a bf
apples: does she have oral sex with the gay guy? [they, Greg and the girl he likes, thinks her boyfriend is gay]
Greg: i don't think so
apples: does she have oral sex with other guys?
Greg: not that i know of
apples: would you mind if she did?
Greg: yeah
apples: so let me get this straight...
apples: you like this girl a lot, correct?
apples: you only want to have sex with someone if you really love her
apples: you want to have sex with this girl
Greg: yes
apples: you don't want her to have sex, even oral sex, with anyone else
apples: so you have oral sex with someone else instead
Greg: yeah
apples: hm

[five minutes later]

Greg: i feel bad



Now, Greg is a nice guy. I don't know him too well but he's always sweet. The conversation with him wasn't what made me think guys are stupid, it was only what made all the thoughts in my head line up behind each other, form the picture that I now see.

It's all so ridiculously easy.

I'm not gonna say anything about sex here, even though that was the track the conversation turned onto. I should know better than criticizing anyone about that.

It's just the casual attitude everything is received with. Then it's stop and think and "oops.." a little later. Think before you act!

But not even that is what made me think guys are #%&$@£¤!!

If someone says something you don't like to hear, if someone is angry with you or you're arguing, if someone is in your face bugging you so all you want to do is punch them in the mouth, there's one thing that is good about all these scenarios. The person is there. Maybe right next to you, maybe holding a phone on the other side of the city, maybe behind a computer screen in another country. But the person is there, and you can talk. Communication.

Maybe the talking becomes more like screaming and shouting, but at least you're communicating in some way. It's harder when you can't do that. When the person can't or doesn't want to talk to you.

One of the reasons I never tell anyone how I feel is that I don't want anyone to know how I feel, in case it's just stupid, in case it ends bad, or in case... in case of anything and everything. Another reason is that when I start talking, I say too much. I feel too much. It's always too much. People can't handle that. Just like now, I'm thinking I feel things I shouldn't. I know I do, and I've tried not to. I've tried to stop thinking, I've tried to stop feeling. I thought I was on my way there a couple months ago but no luck. Just a slap in the face and back into an imagined reality.

I know I'm walking in circles. Please ignore the first half of this post. I'm just thinking too much. And I'm angry. In a very calm way. And frustrated. And annoyed. And... confused. How do you know if someone doesn't want to talk to you, just doesn't care that much whether they talk to you or not, or if they really can't talk to you, for reasons they can't control? How much can you really trust someone?


Guys are stupid.
See how easy it is, when you don't understand something, just to put a label on it?
Stupidity.

"Don't generalize."
I know

Holiday

I'm off to Sweden for a week.

Have fun while I'm gone, little ones.

I'll bring photos when I come back.

Don't make a mess and remember to feed the cat.

See ya in a week!

Did you know that...

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Laughing fit followes

[Scene: Sister and I walking down a mountain. She stops, I stop right behind her. She stands still for a few seconds.]

Me: Well walk then.
Sis: I just had to fart.

Smell of.... summer?

It's sunny and a little windy. Not too warm, not too cold.

I'm lying outside in the hammock, peacefully reading a book.

The old lady in the house next door is also sitting outside.

Then it hits. The smell. The stench.

Manure.

Some farmer nearby has decided to spread his dung.

On this sunny, windy day.

Since it's sunny, it doesn't rain away.

Since it's windy, the smell travels with the wind.

Smack bang in the middle of your face.

Usually it's not too bad.

Usually they don't do it on sunny, windy summer days.

I had to escape inside.

The lady did too.

Prisoners of dung...

I have to get away from here!

The past two years I've only been home for Easter, summer and Christmas, but then always for a few weeks at a time. At first it's always nice to be home, everybody's nice to each other and it just feels relaxing.

Then after two-three weeks, it happens. Looking at the calendar, I see I've been home two and a half weeks now. I felt it coming a few days ago. I get annoyed. The little things that are just nice when I get here, are starting to get annoying. It's no longer cute that my sister wants to be in my room all the time. It's stopped being just strange when my mum wants me to see if anything she cooks is ready (how does she manage when I'm not here??). My parents not being able to make up their minds about anything is no longer funny like when I'm in Bergen and their decisions don't affect me, but when I'm here, it's just annoying.

We were supposed to go up north to the island where my mum is from. My parents have been going through all the stages between 'Yes' and 'No' for the past few months, including "not a good idea", "we'll see", "no", "maybe", "if you want", "you decide", "we'll ask your mother/father", "I don't think your mother/father wants to", "we could go", "yes", "we'll see", "no plans", "no", "yes", "probably not", "don't know yet", and most recently, when a friend of theirs asked; "no" and when I asked; "don't know, don't think so".

Make up your minds!!
I suck at making up my mind, but at least I keep it to myself until I've done it. I say "I don't know" until I do know, and when I've made a decision, I rarely change it. If I say 'yes', I don't change it to 'no'. Especially not when I know someone gets disappointed every time I change my mind. I know my parents are the ones who have to drive and pay and talk to all our relatives when us kids run off with our cousins. And that's fine, we haven't been there for two years, if they don't want to go we'll be disappointed but it'll be ok. Just tell us! I've told them this too, asked them to please just say yes or no so we'll know, but it doesn't do any good.

All the little things that are cute when I'm away, have stopped being cute and are now annoying. I've been home long enough for them to stop seeing me as living in Bergen, I am once again living here, I'm the oldest kid again, not that I ever stopped being that, but I'm a kid again. Their rules. Which bugs me. And which usually leads to me asking questions. Like if my parents say something, they think this or that, I ask "why" instead of just smiling politely. I always ask why but I know they prefer to just make a statement and don't explain why, so I don't ask when I first come home. Just being the good girl.

But after a while I start wanting reasons why people say things, which usually starts a discussion. My mum doesn't want to discuss and my dad yells at me for discussing with my mum. And it's not even arguing, that's the funny part. When my mum doesn't have anything to say, she sighs and looks like she's about to cry. My dad thinks I've said something rude, he doesn't know cuz he wasn't there, and so I'm the bad one again. Misunderstandings. It's always been like this. And I never get a chance to explain it either. It sucks.

So I gotta get out of here. For a day or two. If I had somewhere to go, I'd go. I just need a break, I know they're not gonna do anything differently so I just need to breathe a little. I feel like a pot of water on the stove. When I came home, someone put a lid over it which shouldn't be there. The water's boiling, pushing the lid, jumping up and down. I just need to let out some steam!

Summer photos

I'm putting a few pictures from July on appleshots. Nothing fancy, it just got a little quiet over there and I thought some summer shots must be just the thing.

Tommy og Tigern

*Yaaawn*
"Let go of me you soft boiled, bloodthirsty, beetle brain!!"
"It's the morning! Now we can do things together again!"
"Come on, woohoo!"

"It's hard to stay angry with someone who misses you while you're sleeping."


Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson, here in Norwegian.


I got two Calvin and Hobbes books a few months ago. I've only read one, thought I'd wait with the other till the person who gave it to me decides to come back from wherever it is he's gone off to. If that happens or not, I don't know. In any case, the books are in Bergen and I'm not.

Earlier I was putting the case for my laptop in our storage room. There, sitting quietly on something in the middle of the floor was a book, a Calvin and Hobbes book in Norwegian, seemingly unread. I seem to remember my brother getting it for Christmas a few years ago from an aunt living in Bergen, it hadn't been seen since.

I brought the book outside and sat down reading in the sunshine. Makes me think of the guy who disappeared a few months ago, and I wish I could say thanks again for introducing me to the real Calvin and Hobbes.

All I'm looking for is the truth.
And I want to stop wondering.

World Games Bodybuilding

Muscles scare me. Always have. There's just something unnatural about muscles that show too well through the skin. Like this picture. It's scary.

Bodybuilding, like any sport, is a funny thing. But unlike other sports you don't work out to make your body able to do something. Do you? I'll be the first to admit I don't know zip about bodybuilding, but the name itself pretty much tells you what it's about. It's about building up your body. Not so that you'll be able to run fast or throw something or swim or row or jump. But so that it looks big. You put some oil on and flex your muscles for the judges. Kinda like Miss Universe, only you need muscles, not silicone.

I've never been able to understand it, but as with many other things it doesn't matter much what I think. As long as the people doing it are happy, so am I. But it doesn't look good... They can't possibly have one ounce of fat on their bodies... Maybe that's what we should all strive for.


Nah, no way, ain't gonna happen!
I'll keep my muscles where they belong. Underneath my skin, not looking like they're about to jump out.

Besides, I'm too lazy.

Rome Fashion Week 2005

Something to wear
a creation fom Italy by Fausto Starrdi

Something not to wear:
a creation from Russia by Sumbell Zigazovaya

I love the first one, the dress is gorgeous and the photo is not like most fashion show photos. The second one, well... to me it looks like a bird.