applestories

Starry, starry sky

2011-08-11T01:21:00.000+02:00

I don't remember the last time I saw the stars, but suddenly they were just there.

We're fast approaching autumn, feels like summer passed in a blur.

Sometimes I seriously wonder which stars enticed our ancestors to travel this far north...

21 years. Tops.

2011-07-23T11:13:00.002+02:00

That's it.

Norway needs new laws.

A Disturbing Dream

2011-07-21T12:22:00.000+02:00

Last night I had a dream so disturbingly weird I just have to write it down somewhere.

I don't remember how it started, but the cast was the people who used to be in my class. I don't know why we were together, but there we were. And someone decided we should all kill ourselves.

I'm not sure how that idea came up, but suddenly people just decided it should be done. There was something about people were going to come in, something about NASA or something, storing the bodies - and everyone was okay with that.

Then I suddenly realized what were doing and started asking questions - I don't think I actually confronted anyone, I just kept asking why we should do this (then why they were going to do it). I remember I kept thinking... "What can happen to the world that is so bad, they don't want to be here when it happens?" Why kill yourself (or, as it were, have someone kill you) if something "may" happen? Did they sense something I didn't?

Apart from a handful of us, they all went through with it. After, the one surviving girl and I went into a sort of locker room and were going to have a shower. I noticed stains on the floor, like dried vomit. I asked her what it might be, and tried to ignore the thought of what it might mean.

The locker room had two doors, one to the shower and another one. I considered opening it, but fearing what I might see I didn't. But I couldn't quite let go of the thought of those dried, brown stains on the floor, and when I bent down next to one I took a quick peek through a hole next to the door. I couldn't see anything other than tiles. Good. Then I blinked and looked again, and there they were.

They were all piled on top of each other, wrapped in towels, their bare legs sticking out. I immideatly stood up, thought this was the first time I'd seen a dead body, realized there is no way I am having a shower in here and wanted to get out. All the while wondering why they went through with it, what is going to happen that is so bad they don't want to be alive to see it?

I wondered how they did it - all at once or one at a time. For some reason I knew it was one at a time. I don't know exactly how it went down, but those stains on the floor, probably vomit and definitely not blood, told me it hadn't been altogether pleasant.

Now I can't quite get that image out of my head, all the towell wrapped figures in a pile, their naked legs. Dreaming of a hell that is reality for too many people out there.

How messed up is that?

No, I am not dead...

2011-07-07T19:43:00.001+02:00

...though I see why you might think so.

The thing is.. the more I have going on, the more people I talk to every day, the less I feel the need to spill my guts on here. Between working, volunteering and negotiating my way through living with my parents - I'm all talked out!

But now it's summer. I've done nothing since the school holiday started three weeks ago.

Today my parents suddenly went off to Turkey for two weeks, my sister is moving home and the only thing I have to do is sort through my entire childhood in the attic and decide what parts of it to throw out.

...though I have a feeling there was something else...

Oh yes. Find a job. I definitely need to find a job.

Just sucks most jobs are in Norway when I don't want to be.

Be Safe!

2011-06-26T00:50:00.000+02:00

I really, really hope there are people out there who would actually use this one!
That truly would explain a lot...

A pillow to save your face

2011-05-15T21:18:00.000+02:00

I stumbled across this on feelunique.com. It's called a 'Save My Face La Petite Satin Pillow Case' and has to be one of the most stupid things I've ever seen (and that's no small feat, I assure you). This warrants further investigations.

I go straight to the source - savemyface.com, and find this;

"The “Save My Face!”® Pillowette is a revolutionary beauty and health product for the 21st Century. It helps prevent wrinkling, improves nasal air flow that permits increased oxygenation of the body, eases aches and pains, and aids in cosmetic surgery recovery."

Not only that, it also "enhances the affects of expensive anti-aging facial creams and serums" and "prevents compression of skin tissues and muscles as well as Sinuses located in the face".

(note: I did not manipulate the font or amount of text set in bold to make it appear more stupid, though I understand why you might think so..)

How impressive is it that a piece of cloth can actually "enhance the affects of expensive anti-aging facial creams and serums"? And what's up with those "Sinuses"... and in what other places than the face does one normally find them? "Oh doctor, I can't move my leg!" "Yes, it appears you have a sinus infection."

For a company claiming to be located in California, I am not impressed.

Though I could be way off here - they do have special pillow doctors. And anyone knows a business with a pillow doctor is a business worth trusting!

Easter

2011-04-18T13:34:00.000+02:00

Finally!

I've been so busy lately I've started messing up, breaking keys, forgetting to lock doors. Not good!

A week off sounds just right, I thought I'd have more time a couple weeks ago when I was home alone for a week, but no such luck. One day I worked eleven and a half hours - not so unusual for a lot of people, but very new to me.

What I don't like about Easter is having to go skiing. I fear I'll be more wobbly than usual this year, because something I am looking forward to is happening the night before - a show put on by the soccer association. If I've ever been to one of those, it must have been years. Can't wait!

Kids

2011-03-04T02:04:00.001+01:00

A few nights ago I dreamt I had a child.

The birth itself was quick, easy, painless. The baby was big. I breastfed her. It felt amazing. I felt so connected to her, like nothing I've ever felt before.

The child grew fast - two days later she had eight teeth and was like an eight year old. I remember in the dream I said "you have like eight theeth". I don't know why eight - it was more like twelve. But she was like an eight year old.

I've never felt that desire to have kids. I crave freedom, I don't know where I'll be, what I'll do. Who I'll be with. For the first time, though it was in a dream, I felt what it was like to have a child.

I know dreams are dreams. But often dreams are very real to me... they've helped me see things I haven't otherwise, to realize, to overcome... To feel, more than anything. Dreams are said to come from the subconcious - and I believe that more than anything.

A few years ago, after six months on the malaria prophylaxis Lariam, known to affect your mind, your emotions, your dreams... I finally realized dreams are more than we give them credit for. By then, of course, I had countless dreams each night, woke up every 90 minutes, and at first it was wonderful. The dreams turned darker, though.

What it taught me was that dreams are often more than what they seem. Uusally we don't pay much attention to them, we forget them when we wake up - most of the time, these days, I don't remember my dreams. However unpleasant they turned at the end - I miss them.

But occationally I do remember my dreams. Like last night... I was present throughout my dream, not like it usually is - I wake up and try to think what it was about. This time I remember.

I remember what it was like to have a child. I remember what it was like to feel such a defenseless creature, so close. Like an itsy bitsy kitten - so helpless, so adorable. I've never felt that way towards kids. A lot of them are really nice.. but that's about it. For a while I've hoped it would happen some day - as people I've gone to school with start having kids, not just once, but two or three, that I would start to feel that desire too.

I can only hope that my biological clock will start ticking some day. I don't know what's worse - to know you should want kids but not being able to feel it.... or to want them and not be able to, or getting around to, having them.

Strike that - I know what's worse. I've never been there, but nothing could be worse than wanting something like that, and never getting the chance to have it.

Bloggers always write about family members asking them "so... when are you going to have kids?". No one seems to take into account the fact that you need a guy to do the deed.

And for those of us who don't yet want them? As for me... I'm just hoping my clock will start ticking... some day. Because that dream... that dream felt pretty damn good.

1990

2011-03-04T00:34:00.001+01:00

Are people born in 1990 now 20 years old?
Seriously?

I think I need a nap and a butterscotch..

Good enough to date?

2011-02-24T22:48:00.000+01:00

I learnt something new today. This happens so rarely these days it feels all new and exciting - imagine knowing something now that I didn't this morning.. amazing!

The little piece of information I have now aquired came to me through a blog I visited for the first time. Five guys (I think) write about girls. They do a rather good job at it, I have to admit. The post I read started like this;

"Guys only want to have sex, but never a girlfriend!"
In the following post I will be cynical, unromantic, politically incorrect and brutally HONEST... so when, in a few lines, you'll sit there all annoyed about how big a prick I am, remember it's for a good cause. I want to help girls who complain about guys who "only want to have sex, but never a girlfriend."

But that takes a little bit of tough love, and an unpleasant dose of reality. Let's get straight to it, so here goes:

As opposed to girls, it's very common for guys to have sex with someone they don't find attractive enough to be girlfriend material!

Now, I didn't think the post was cynical or politically incorrect at all, but that's beside the point (if you want to read the rest of it, in Norwegian, you can find it here: 0330.no). What struck me was how simply put such an important piece of knowledge was.

Some of you might remember an episode of Sex and the City where Miranda was told that some guy (or by some guy) that he's "just not that into you". She saw that as an epiphany of sorts - no more hows and whys and ifs and buts; he's just not that into you. It kinda felt like that.

Girls know guys think differently about sex than we do (most of the time), and guys know girls think differently. But I hadn't thought of it quite like that before, that people can be divided into groups of those who are and those who are not attractive enough to want to date. That someone is "good enough to sleep with but not good enough to date".

I guess I just always though that if you slept with someone but didn't date them it was because of personality. I've slept with guys I didn't want to have as a boyfriend - but that's never been because he was too ugly to show off. If he was, he wouldn't have been in my bed in the first place. There have been other reasons though.. age, aquaintances, personality, geography. Actually geography is the one that stands out the most.

The concept of "attractive enough to sleep with but attractive enough to date" is new to me. Fascinating stuff..

Installing Freedom in the Middle East

2011-02-04T11:16:00.001+01:00

Porno

2011-01-23T23:54:00.000+01:00

You can say a lot about porn, but I'd really like to twist the neck of whoever made shaving everything down there not only normal on TV, but now also expected, and the only thing that's accepted, in your own home.

I bet there are many of us who think quite a few bad thoughts every time we either see a disappointed facial expression, or give in and grab the razor.

For who can argue with "hair in your food"? "Natural" means nothing anymore, and who would want the person you're sharing a bed with thinking you're disgusting because you don't look like all the girls on the Internet?

Dark thoughts, I tell you.
Dark, evil, murderous thoughts.

Ice on the Run

2011-01-17T23:14:00.002+01:00

I was at the school today when, just after 1PM, they came to tell the kids to put on their boots. The river was getting so high with snow and ice, we might have to evacuate.

An hour later the principal came and said they were closing the school early. Some kids were supposed to stay till 4.30, but two hours before that everyone was out.

The seven year olds said they were "all tingly" and had "butterflies in my tummy" - quite understandably. But then the teachers started getting worried, bringing their coats, fetching their car keys - just in case. Maybe not too strange, considering what the river looked like at the moment.

It might be wrong to say so, but I find the whole situation rather... entertaining. As long as no one gets hurt and nothing gets damaged there's absolutely nothing wrong with a little action. Finally something's happening!

And I definitely think it's better for the kids to think of this as "exciting", rather than "scary" - nothing good is going to come of that. As the seven year olds and I agreed - nothing truly bad really happens in Norway; no floods, no hurricanes, no earthquakes.

And nothing at all ever happens here!

(...as if just to prove that last point; as soon as I'd written it the danger was announced to be over, and it's business as usual tomorrow)

Ice

2011-01-11T00:24:00.001+01:00

Imagine a super slippery ice rink. Then imagine two inches of water covering the ice. Then dump a crapload of slush on top of that. What do you get? Our roads.

Well, the walkways and sidewalks. Where people walk. Not the main roads. Wouldn't want the cars to get wet.

I'm not sure if I miss the cold or the snow the most...

Christmas Allergies

2010-12-29T15:59:00.000+01:00

Merry Christmas everyone!

This Christmas is picture perfect, it looks like Winter Wonderland outside - just like I remember from when I was a kid - a nice change from the rain we've had the past ten years.

I have also discovered I have an allergy. It only seems fair - everybody else seems to have them, no wonder I got one too. I'm allergic to kids.

It makes perfect sense. I'm very rarely sick, and when I am it's just a cold that passes in a few days. But these past few months I seem to only have short breaks between colds - they go on for ever. And the only change? - Kids. I'm obviously allergic.

It truly does suck to have been halfway woozy, have no energy, and worst of all - no sense of taste or smell, for a week now. I know I whine about that every time I get sick but I can't help it! It's the worst thing there is. Imagine a world without taste!

I've been cleaning, cooking, baking, sewing, polishing, decorating and dusting for weeks now, somehow it doesn't seem quite fair that this should be my reward...

I guess my reward is everyone else seems to be enjoying the holidays, and with a turkey in the oven and stuffing in the making it's really not all bad after all :)

Shock and Awe

2010-12-19T21:23:00.001+01:00

"But I thought you were shy.." the guys said last night. I put my hand on the knee of one of them as he was sitting in front of me, looking him deep in the eyes. "I thought you were shy."

I was a shy kid. I was a shy teenager. I'm still quiet when I'm not comfortable, but I'll talk to anyone about anything - as long as there's a topic and not small talk. I never really got the hang of small talk.

I remember when I was younger, in class or with friends. I'd make a critical comment about something and people would stare at me, no matter if they'd said the same thing themselves. I was told that because I so rarely said something bad, it was so much worse when I did. I was supposed to be nice, that's what they were used to. I settled for nice. It was just easier that way.

When you grow up in a place like this, a small town where "everybody knows each other" people really do seem to think they know you. Even if they haven't seen you since you were fourteen, they still think you're the same person you were back then. Most people don't change a lot, myself included, and we're all guilty of assuming people are they way they always were.

So when that guy said "But I thought you were shy" when I had my hand on his knee and looked him in the eye, it wasn't because I did something shocking. I had simply raised my voice (quite a bit - pretending to be a teacher for a few months, and being around noisy kids all the time, has had an unwanted side effect) to get the attention of the three or four twenty year olds in the room - I wanted to ask them if they knew where the kitchen was. Getting someone's attention is always easier when you give them a poke, and getting an answer is easier when having eye contact. And when you get a little loud.

How quiet must I have been to make guys six years my juniors think it's shocking that I can actually raise my voice?

I'm curious how people think of me today.

And I can't help but wonder.. have I really changed that much at all?

December 9th

2010-12-09T00:00:00.000+01:00

Thoughts and dreams

2010-11-22T21:18:00.000+01:00

Last night I dreamt I was on a bed and suddenly saw someone I've slept with have sex with someone else. The girl was on top, then he turned her around and got on top. That's when I saw it was him.. for two seconds before it wasn't him anyway. That felt indescribably... weird. Especially since I knew the girl too.

I've never been the kind of person who can sleep with someone without feeling anything. It happens whether I want it to or not, and I've always wondered what it would be like to just... not care. When sex is just sex, and forgotten the next day. It must be so easy. Convenient. Not to feel. I'm just not like that.

I don't mean that I need to be in love to sleep with someone, nor that I fall in love afterwards. Still, it's.. different. I care more, whether it's platonic or something else. Which is why it does feel weird to sleep with someone then basically never talk to them again. I hate to leave things hanging, not to get an end to things. Not to know what happened, if anything at all.

I'm more committed to my words than to my feelings. That's not always a good thing.

The Dentist

2010-11-21T14:58:00.000+01:00

I mentioned a story about big body parts, a small mouth, and going "aaah". I realize what that sounds like, but it's nothing like that at all - I simply went to see the dentist.

I always hated going to the dentist when I was a kid. We used to see this old guy with huge hands. He never wore gloves. I hated it partly because I didn't want to have any cavities and know I hadn't been good enough at brushing my teeth, partly because my jaws just didn't open that big without being forced. It hurt. A lot.

The old dentist retired years ago and the ones I've seen since have all been nice. Still; a trip to the dentist is never pleasant. And for the first time in years I felt that horrible pain in my jaw that comes from keeping my mouth open for too long at a time.

It felt slightly wrong sitting in the dentist's chair thinking of blow jobs - the pain in the jaw was exactly the same as it used to way back when...

Do you have any idea how long it takes to fold 155 pairs of underwear?

2010-11-19T18:24:00.003+01:00

Me neither.

I only folded the hipsters and the panties, which leaves the thongs and the strings.

I am not folding all of those.

Again, for the eighty-seventh time (at least); I have too much underwear!

But how on earth do I stop buying them when they make them as cute as they do?

It's really not my fault at all...

(except for.. you know.. the not-so-secret fact that I love lingerie... and that I already had a label called that...)

Am sick

2010-11-09T21:15:00.002+01:00

I've had a head full of concrete (usually when I'm sick it's cotton, but this is definitely concrete) for a week now, I'm told I sound like a dog when I cough, half the time I can't even understand my own raspy voice when I'm talking, and I don't have a clue what the hell is wrong with my throat..

At least I'm not all snotty with a runny nose and losing my sense of taste and smell - that's what I hate the most about being sick. It seems like a strange kind of cold without all those icky bits.

I have a story about big body parts, a small mouth, opening wide and going 'aaah', but that will have to wait for another day. It really wouldn't sound too exciting in the context of snotty and icky...

Edit:
Next morning: don't ever speak too highly of what you have; you never know when you'll wake up and have lost it completely..

Too many thoughts

2010-11-02T21:59:00.001+01:00

I have too many thoughts in my head to be able to put even a single one of them down in writing. They're about anything and anyone, and a few probably wouldn't be appropriate to put on here. You never know who might read it, and for some reason I've stopped typing out every random thought in my head.

I'll try and figure out something worthwhile to say, and in the mean time I'll leave you with this; a series of photos from Kappadokia, Turkey. Google has been kind enough to translate the accompanying article for us (I recommend reading it if you like the photos) but I think the pictures mostly speak for themselves, don't you?

Last night I cut off my testicles

2010-10-21T23:32:00.000+02:00

In a dream, of course.

Which is kinda weird since I'm a girl and therefore don't have any...

I think, in my dream, I knew a guy who'd done it, and I thought that there was no reason to keep mine; they didn't do anything and they were just in the way anyway. There were no other guy-parts, but apparently it was normal for girls to have balls down there somewhere. I'm not entirely sure where they were attached though...

I remember thinking guys might find it weird, me not having any, and the argument against plastic surgery jumped into my head; why fix something that isn't broken, you never know what complications will arise.

But I did it anyway, I sat down and cut them off with a pair of scissors. Unlike guy's testicles they were two separate things, hanging by two different bits of skin about 5mm in diameter. When I cut them off, and it didn't hurt, there was some sort of tube inside.. it looked like hollowed out spaghetti (definitely inspired by the fried squid rings I made a week ago which looked exactly the same inside).

Then I think I woke up, because I don't remember why I was doing it or what happened afterwards. I didn't even remember the dream until 12 hours later.

Gross, you say?
Kinda, I suppose.

I've never liked football or volleyball, but there are some ball games I do like... as long as the balls belong to the right guy. But being a proud owner myself? I think I'll pass.

*I have a feeling next time I see a pair I'll investigate them thoroughly to see exactly what they look like, where they're attached and how one might.. remove them. That was a weird dream...*

New Experiences

2010-10-20T21:57:00.002+02:00

The past couple months I've been a substitute teacher (or been "playing teacher" as I call it) a few days a week at the local school. I've done everything from Norwegian and Maths to cooking and PE and I'm more convinced than ever that I'll never want to a teacher. Not that I ever thought I would.

It's not that I don't like it - some days are great; nice kids, having fun. Other days... well, take yesterday; four hours with seven years old yelling, followed by two hours in the computer room with ten year olds (fun actually), then one hour with a bunch of eight year olds; one of which would not surprise me if he told me he was raised by a bunch of monkeys. Or teenage boys. Can one get sexually harassed by an eight year old?

I'd never have the patience for that kind of job.

But all in all - I like it. It's something new, I love being stressed and sure get enough of that when I'm there; I never know what I'm gonna be doing until five minutes before I have to do it... if I'm lucky. I've wanted to do something like this for a while; observing the educational system from behind the scenes in a country first hand, especially a country as bound to its ideals of streamlining everything as this one, is fascinating. And I'm bound to come out of it with new experiences - perhaps I'll even learn something!

One thing I do find especially amusing is life in the teacher's lounge. Seeing what the teachers really do in there, I think all kids wonder about that. Lunch conversations are interesting and the people are nice. It's especially interesting talking to others my age, often coming in from the outside, giving their perspectives on things and the town. Conversation turns to people you know and before you know it you have learned quite a few new things about them.

It's fascinating to see someone you halfway know through another person's eyes. It can be different from your own ideas, different from the impressions acquaintances give off. Or exactly the same, only you weren't looking. Little bits of new information, constantly acquired, to make the picture more whole, fill in the blanks, making you see things a little more clearly. Or perhaps it just gets more confusing.

People do always tend to talk more about people's bad qualities than about the good ones. Perhaps there's a reason for that.

Autumn break

2010-10-03T15:28:00.000+02:00

The parents suddenly decided to take off in the morning so it looks like I'll have the house to myself for a few days.

I only wish the weather could have stayed as beautiful as it's been the past week, but it seems real autumn weather is on its way. If the reports are right, we could be getting just under two inches of rain tomorrow.

I have a feeling I'll be spending the next few days cooped up inside...

The Flintstones are 50!

2010-10-01T18:00:00.002+02:00

The prettiest Google logo ever?

The Flintstones was first aired on September 30th 1960, fifty years ago, and has to be one of the most well known cartoons out there. Apart from Donald (of course) this has always been one of my favourites. And there's just something special about theme songs from your childhood...

Browser with a sense of humour

2010-09-30T14:02:00.001+02:00

I tried opening Firefox when it presented an error message:
"Well, this is awkward."

It had tried to open the tabs from a previous session and obviously thought it was rather embarassing when it wasn't able to do so.

- Anyone think IE would phrase it quite like that? :)

More jokes from Facebook

2010-09-25T21:38:00.000+02:00

"Man and wife are making a new password for the computer.
Man types in "mypenis".
Wife falls to the floor laughing cause the computer says "error: too short"."

*thinking wistfully of the ones who were never too short*
(without, of course, being 'too direct' in any way possible..)

Kitty's wet day

2010-09-24T18:01:00.000+02:00

"A hungry kitty stood by the river's bank when a bread crumb came along. The kitty reached out, caught the bread crumb, and ate it. Then a slice of bread came down the stream. The hungry kitty cat did the same thing - it reached out, and it ate the the slice of bread. Then half a loaf came down the river. The pussy cat reached out... but then it all went wrong; the pussy slipped, and landed right there in the river with the bread...

The moral of the story is... the bigger the loaf of bread, the wetter the pussy!"

...weird aunts make for awkward and amusing entertainment on Facebook...

Facebook clarification

2010-09-21T17:34:00.000+02:00

Of all the things I've seen people post on Facebook, this one has got to be one of the best and worst ones this year;

"August 2010 had 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays and 5 Tuesdays. This only occurs once every 823 years, and according to Feng Shui those who tell their friends about this during the month of September will receive a lot of money. So copy and post!"

I hate chain statuses.
Feng Shui.. money.. tell your friends.. oh please!
This message doesn't even make any sense and is clearly designed to see who has brains... and who doesn't.

Every time August starts on a Sunday, there will be 5 each of Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays. This happens every five or six years, except for when leap years makes August 1st go from Saturday to Monday, skipping Sunday.

Our dates follow a pretty easily discernible pattern; if August 1st is on a Sunday this year, it will be so again in 11 years. Then 6 years, 5, 6, 11, 6, 5, 6, 11 and so on.

Meaning this happens in 1993, 1999, 2004, 2010, 2021, 2027, 2032 etc etc.
Not every 823 years.

The way our calendars are planned, nothing happens only once every 823 years.

What on earth makes people post things like this without checking the facts?

But hey, I shouldn't complain - at least I learned something new today. I do get way too detailed some times...

And maybe I shouldn't be too hard on other people - if it weren't for them, Facebook would be an awfully boring place!

...823 years...

Hackers and the importance of Viagra

2010-09-10T11:58:00.000+02:00

Not so impressed with Gmail anymore as it turns out emails they told me were intercepted and "Delivery failed" have been sent anyway.

To quote one recipient: "I got your email about viagra and how important it is".
(It seems not everyone is familiar with the concept of spam...)

Since I know a few of you were seemingly sent that email, could someone let me know whether you got it or not?

I have a feeling I shouldn't be sending out a new mass email asking "Got spam?", but I'm curious to know how many received it... and why Gmail told me no one did.

I've been hacked!

2010-09-04T23:42:00.001+02:00

At 1.14pm I was hacked by someone seemingly located on a mobile device in Germany.

This person sent approximately a hundred emails to people in my address book, resulting in Google shutting it down. Which meant they shut down this blog too.

First of all - if an email got through to you, I'm sorry. I hate getting spam too and I always wonder what people do to get their email addresses taken over.

Second - Gmail seems to have caught pretty much every single email, labeled them as spam, and refused to send them. I am seriously impressed!

Third - to the best of my knowledge I have never had an account hacked before and now I'm not entirely sure how to prevent it from happening again. I'm resetting the obvious options but I'll have to look into it some more in the morning.

I wonder if this means someone has physically been in my Gmail account or if they've hijacked my address from somewhere else.. Either way, I hope they keep their sticky fingers away from my accounts in the future!

Dark Monster

2010-08-27T23:28:00.000+02:00

I'm entering my room at night. It's dark. It's late. I leave the lights off until I reach my bed, where I turn on the lamp on my nightstand. I turn towards the bed and stop. I stare, in horror, at what I see.

In the middle of my bed, glaring at me, like something evil, dressed in black - threatening me with eternal damnation.... is a Bible.

My Bible. Do I have a Bible?? (I have a Bible...)

I've got to stop reading books referencing the Bible; I never can resist the temptation to look up the passage and go "Ha ha - it doesn't even say that! Suck at that, sucker!!"

Freaks me out every time I see the damn thing though, never can figure out what the hell a Bible is doing on my bed... (I have a feeling it doesn't want to be in that particular spot any more than I want it there...)

Maybe I should get a Quran, I wonder if that would be equally freaky...

Playing around

2010-08-19T17:24:00.000+02:00

When we're kids we play around; we're police and robbers, pirates, we build tree houses and pretend we're in the jungle. Every fantasy becomes reality... we're someone else for a couple hours - and it feels real.

Then we grow up, and the fun and games are moved to the bedroom. Role playing feels natural to some, but most people can't seem to relax. Reality is so real, fantasy never can be. We pretend with feelings, little lies, not with fun and games. We feel stupid. And awkward.

When did we lose the ability to pretend?

I've been peed on.

2010-08-16T21:14:00.004+02:00

Flying ants. In my shirt. Bad day not to wear a bra.

I've been peed on before. Last year, trying to take some photos of blueberries or something similarly pointless, I looked down only to realize my foot was covered with ants.

Not wanting to leave before I'd taken the photos, and of course I wasn't wearing shoes, I got peed on by about a dozen ants. I had the red marks, covering half my left foot, for over three months.

Although last time was.. let's call it unpleasant, this time felt different. It was instant, sudden; like someone stopping me short and tightening every muscle in my body, every fiber in my being directing its attention down my shirt. Something, somewhere was making it hard to breathe.

Turned out I'd got peed on. Still hurt like hell an hour later. Fortunately, aloe vera gently massaged on once in a while did the trick.

The patio gets invaded by these creatures every evening at sunset. I probably should cover up more tomorrow, but knowing myself I probably won't.

I wonder if it hurts more or less if it happens twice...

A tiny Festival in a tiny Town

2010-08-15T15:50:00.004+02:00

Judging by today's headache, I seem to have had a lot of fun last night.

Nice people, nice music, nice weather - and entertainment consisting of a guy playing a grand piano, and watching a game no one seemed to agree on the rules of.

It's quickly becoming a tradition - a music festival they call it, far up the valley one summer night in August. Although fewer guests than last year, it seemed everyone had a great time.

Including me - except when I at one point got stuck between four women talking about the size of their butts for twenty minutes(!). Fortunately I was rescued by a couple guys who had no interest in butts. At least not in talking about them.

All in all a great night - even down to the half hour walk home at 5am with a bunch of people in various stages of inebriation, two of which fell four feet into a ditch and seemed to think it better to sleep there than actually get up and go home.

Now if only I could figure out where my earrings disappeared off to...

Bad Idea

2010-08-08T22:28:00.000+02:00

Some times I wish bad ideas were labeled as such. That there were sirens going off when you thought of one. Or you'd get electrocuted when you tried going through with one of them.

But most of the time, even though you know something is a bad idea, you'll still go through with it. And then you realize it was an even worse idea than you could have imagined. It ends up being weird. And not good.

August

2010-08-01T23:42:00.003+02:00

Summer almost over, rained away like autumn will.
Almost time to pick the cherries and the plums.
Not time to make cherry wine.

Me, I'm just bored. I should be bored. I'm stuck.
And I'm tired of making excuses.

I've got to kick myself in the butt and actually do something.

Just gotta figure out what.

Summer adventures

2010-07-21T15:58:00.000+02:00

After a week at home I've realized how much I've missed spending some time alone. It's strange how some times you don't know what you've missed until it's actually there - and then you dread losing it again. One more week!

Although I've mostly been doing a whole lot of nothing, I did find one fun thing to do. I'm not quite sure where that thing is going, but at the moment I'm just enjoying the journey. However difficult the directions may be..

Now if it would only stop raining..
The sound of rain is nice enough when you're inside, but
inside does get boring when it's the middle of July and it's
supposed to be summer out there...

When Night Falls...

2010-07-20T12:41:00.001+02:00

The room is dark, but there are sounds outside a door. No light, no footsteps, no voices. Just the sound of someone, or something, breathing, moving on the floor. The silence is eerie, but soothing. After all the screaming and yelling it's a relief to know night has come and the voices have stopped.

It's not a small room, the floor and walls are made of wood. It looks old and doesn't have any furniture. A crate in the corner and some beams to hold up the roof. It looked like there might have been a window in a corner once, but it's too dark to see now. The darkness is the only thing that can protect you here.

When morning comes, the men will be back. You don't know where they'll go, what they'll do to you today. Some days you hear muted screams in the distance. Some still have a fighting spirit left in them, others are too worn down to care anymore. But they all scream when they're taken away. And nobody ever comes back.

The next day, after someone is gone, they'll usually come for you. Not to take you away, but sometimes you think that would have been easier to deal with. The younger of the men is always in a strange mood on days like that. Like a subdued ecstatic one. I wonder if they know the red drops on his shoes are visible. I wonder what he does to them. I wonder, as they take their turns and kill another few pieces of my soul, whether I'll be next.

No wonder I'm always tired when dreams like these fill my nights. This was only a small part of one of a few last night. I seem to be in one of my "two weeks of violent dreams"-periods.. I haven't had one of those for a while, my dreams are usually a lot happier than this.

This dream ended well though. When I was younger I tended to give up, now I fight more in my dreams. Although I do wake up kinda freaked, it did feel pretty good to fly over the ocean at the end, leaving the psycho killers behind..

Note to self : Bikes

2010-07-18T19:29:00.000+02:00

Do not go riding your bike for miles when you haven't been on it for longer than a mile in a year.

Also, do not go riding your bike for miles when the weather report says wind, cold and rain. Especially when you haven't even checked the weather report.

Man my butt hurts..

Time to snuggle up with a movie and something warm, hope I can stick it out for two whole hours!

Home Alone

2010-07-13T17:12:00.000+02:00

For the first time in a year!

This evening the rest of the family leaves for the Canaries and I'll have the house to myself for two whole weeks!

What to do for two weeks?

My friend Sleepy simply suggested I host an orgy. Right. He's Dutch. I wonder what that would be like though, creating something like the infamous Plato's Retreat in a tiny town like this. Imagine the drama!

... I should probably stop watching documentaries starting well after midnight...

Two weeks and no plans.. any suggestions?

Explosions in Kampala

2010-07-12T19:07:00.004+02:00

So far 74 people have been reported dead, and at least as many injured, in two bomb attacks last night in Kampala, the capital of Uganda. The bombs targeted crowds in two locations where people had gathered to watch the World Cup finals Sunday night.

Somehow this feels closer than any attack in a neighbouring country ever could. I've lived in Kampala. I've been at the Kyadondo Rugby Club where two bombs went off, killing at least 60. It's a relatively small club, very cosy with a couple pool tables and an outdoor barbeque. And a big field where people tended to walk off hand in hand, seeing where their passion, and the eternal summer nights, would take them.

I can't help but think of the people I know there, people who were likely to have gone to watch the World Cup final. Hell, if I had been in Kampala I would probably have been there myself.

Somali militants are said to have placed the bombs, three in total. Uganda has African Union peacekeeping troops in Somalia, a country which has practically been taken over by extremists the past years. The statement from the Somali militants reads;

"We know Uganda is against Islam and so we are very happy at what has happened in Kampala. That is the best news we ever heard."

They obviously haven't been in Kampala; there are as many mosques as there are churches.

It doesn't make much sense, killing people who are gathered to watch a football match. Then again, extremists who aim at killing as many innocent people as possible never did make much sense.

I'm just waiting to hear from friends in Kampala. I know people who lost friends in the attacks... I have to say this is quite surreal. Africa sounds dangerous to most people, but I would never have thought anything like this could ever happen in Kampala.

Meow she said

2010-07-11T01:59:00.000+02:00

Kitten jumps in my window, sits there for a while looking out.

Kitten vomits some creature's insides all over the window sill.

Small creatures have long intestines.
Intestines smell ... bad.

I'm really not sure if I could get any more grossed out right now.

Can-on, Can-not

2010-07-09T22:04:00.000+02:00

How stupid am I when it takes me a year to figure out the memory card for my camera can be inserted directly into my Asus eee, thereby making the wires redundant and transferral of photos a whole lot easier...

I knew the slot was there. I even tend to take the plastic bit inside it out when I'm bored and waiting for a page to load (strangely enough it's oddly soothing to push it in and out of its slot, feeling it click into place).

Now all that remains is to wait for the first time I forget to take the memory card out of the slot and put it back into the camera. I'm sure it will happen on a day I really really need to take some pictures, and I'm sure I will curse the day, this day, when I figured out it was a good idea to take the card out of the camera in the first place..

US: Texas Republicans oppose Sex, Homosexuals, Sodomy, Freedom, History, Education... and Intelligence

2010-07-05T18:34:00.016+02:00

The NY Daily News reported yesterday that the Texas Republicans wish to criminalize oral sex. This does not seem to have reached the European media yet, probably because no one would ever take it seriously. Well think again, fellow Europeans.

I've read through the entire final state platform for the Texas Republicans for the coming two years. It was 25 pages of sighs, eye rolling and flat out shock and open mouthed awe. The Texas Republicans do want to ban oral sex. Or at least "sodomy", which the dictionaries define as;

"Any of various forms of sexual acts held to be unnatural or abnormal, especially anal or oral copulation or bestiality."

Sodomy is only one item on a long list they want to ban or criminalize and is only mentioned once or twice. Their real mortal enemy? Homosexuality!

"We believe that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society, contributes to the breakdown of the family unit, and leads to the spread of dangerous, communicable diseases. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God"

There's clearly no arguing with God.

Homosexuality should not be presented as an acceptable lifestyle, "family" can never include a homosexual "couple" (their qoutation marks, not mine), and homosexuals should never be able to marry or form a partnership of any kind. Anyone who issues a marriage license to a same-sex couple would be facing a jail sentence.

Nor should homosexual ever be able to have custody of a child. In fact, the Texas Republicans group homosexuals and child molestors together, and preferrably such people should not even be allowed to see their own children (if they have any) at all;

"[...] visitation with minor children by such persons should be prohibited but if ordered by the court limited to supervised periods."

And that applies to homosexuals, not just molestors!

I could go on and on, but I think the position of the Texas Republicans comes across quite clearly: "We don't want no damn homos!" Or something like that.

Let's move on to more fun matters: Sex!

I already did mention the sodomy, and that deserves a second look. But wait - there's more!

"We oppose the legalization of sodomy."
"We support raising the age of consent for consensual sex to 18 years."
"We oppose sale and use of the dangerous “Morning After Pill.”"
"We oppose any sex education other than abstinence until heterosexual marriage.".
"We urge legislators to prohibit reproductive health care services, including counseling, referrals, and distribution of condoms and contraception through public schools."
"We urge more stringent legislation to prohibit all pornography including virtual pornography and operation of sexually–oriented businesses." (ie. strip clubs etc.)
"We urge the return to the requirement of blood testing in order to obtain a marriage license."
"We are resolute regarding the reversal of Roe v. Wade." (legalization of abortion)

--
Other than homosexuals, there is nothing the Texas Republicans hate more than abortion. If they have it their way it will be criminalized. If they don't get that, they have a number of other goals. For example should all public funding for abortion clinics and counseling be cut and schools should not be allowed to mention abortion as an option (makes sense since they want to remove all school clinics and nurses, and only teach abstinence).

But then it gets weirder. They want to pass a law stating that "abortion providers" have to "provide women full knowledge of the physical and psychological risks of abortion, the characteristics of the unborn child, and abortion alternatives" and "information about the nervous system development." Basically, you should not be allowed to have an abortion before you know the sex of the baby, if it's healthy, how far along in its development it is and so on.

If a woman "orders an abortion", the doctor must explain the pain the fetus will experience, and provide pain relief (for the fetus, the woman is not mentioned). A child should never be in pain, even before it is born (or can feel anything). A child is precious and innocent, and should not be harmed in any way.

Then comes this;

"[We] oppose actions of social agencies to classify traditional methods of discipline (corporal punishment) as child abuse."
"We support eliminating bureaucratic prohibitions on corporal discipline [in foster homes]."
"We urge the Legislature [...] to remind administrators and school boards that corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas."

This is only one of the many contradictions on these 25 pages. Every quote I've posted can be found in the platform document.

I am amazed.

This isn't some crackpot's ramblings, but the final and official programme and platform for the biggest, most popular and influential party in the second largest American state. They even explain their embargo on Cuba simply by stating that it will last "until democracy is restored". Hello? Saudi Arabia? Your best bud? Ever heard of it?

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, this comes form a state where the Board of Education recently voted to stop referring to the US as a "democracy", but rather as a "constitutional republic", to make it mandatory for students to find reasons why (not "if") global organizations such as the UN are trying to "undermine U.S. sovereignty". They want to rename slavery "Atlantic triangular trade" in textbooks, and any mention of important Hispanics in American history has been denied. Even Thomas Jefferson has been replaced in the books by Christian thinkers, as examples of a an important political philosophers in US history.

One of the board members explained that; "There seems to be a denial that this was a nation founded under God. We had to go back and make some corrections".

Again - there is no arguing with God.

I have barely touched upon education in this post, unfortunately there are plenty of reasons why I should.

On the brighter side -

- the Texas Republicans do worry about more than banning homosexuality and sodomy, preventing abortion and sex before marriage, and changing the curriculum to please God. They also care about traffic lights and cameras.

On page three, before any of the other nasty stuff, under the headline "Preserving American Freedom" - "Limiting the Expanse of Government Power";

"Banning the Use of Red Light Cameras – We oppose the manner in which alleged vehicle violations are documented and fines levied against individuals without proof of their having been the driver of the offending vehicle and we call for a ban on Red Light Cameras in the State of Texas."

I say bring on the cameras!
Maybe they'll get so preoccupied they'll decide to keep out of people's bedrooms.

Let the sodomy begin!

Horoscopes

2010-06-27T20:29:00.002+02:00

I've always thought they were kinda fun to read, although I also always forgot what they said as soon as I flipped over the page. I don't believe in horoscopes and I think we find things that fit and things that don't in all the twelve signs - if only we bothered to read them.

It must have been almost ten years ago I read my horoscope for the coming year. It said I would have luck in money games the next 7-8 months so now it was time to go all in! I kinda lost respect for them even as entertainment when I read that, and couldn't help wonder who sponsored the horoscopes in that particular magazine..

I do still read them when I find one in front of me, a situation I'm finding myself in now. The summer horoscope is out and my mum's magazine was opened on its pages. I flip through to mine, wonder where the Libra is, what it will say about my summer. These are the hightlight; (and since reading about my life isn't all that interesting you can go to the bottom of the post to find your sign)

Something extraordinary will happen on or around July 30th, August 7th and September 18th
From the middle of July an important two year long period of my life will start
People from the past may suddenly reenter my life
Venus, Libra's own planet and the planet of love, will be in my sign in August and early September
Something great pertaining to love will occur between August 7th and 11th
As far as work goes, if I feel I am lost or at a dead end, this summer the planets are perfectly aligned and I will get sudden and unexpected opportunities
The eclipses on June 26th (moon) and July 7th (sun) will bring with them growth and freedom
The autumn will be a dynamic period, my expenses will rise and I shouldn't waste money on unnecessary luxuries

Looks like I'll have quite a busy few months!

I usually check my sister's horoscope when I check mine, she's born in April and our signs are exact opposites.. or pairs.. or whatever. It seems the signs on opposite sides of the zodiac often have similar qualities and events expecting them - they are said to have some sort of bond between them.

Surprise surprise, it turns out the eclipses will be important for the Aires too, as will the weekend around August 7th. If I looked through the other signs I'm sure I would find similar.. shall we call them coincidences? You'll always find something that fits.

Now let's check back in a few months to see which of these predictions were anywhere close to the mark. I have a feeling those who believe in that sort of thing might be rather disappointed..

These horoscopes were by Penny Thornton who
runs the site Astrolutely.com where you can check
out what your summer is supposed to bring :)

Aries Taurus Gemini
Cancer   Leo   Virgo
Libra   Scorpio Sagittarius
Capricorn   Aquarius Pisces

Nighttime Flowers

2010-06-22T11:39:00.004+02:00

As the summer solstice has passed, the longest and brightest day of the year being yesterday, it will now gradually start getting darker.

In the previous post I wondered why the air smells so good at night, so full of flowery scents. It's quite a different experience from the daytime, and somehow it also seems warmer - probably because the cold winds stop as the sun sets.

The reason the air smells different at night is quite simple, to quote professor Natalia Dudareva;

"Plants tend to have their scent output at maximal levels only when the flowers are ready for pollination and when its potential pollinators are active as well. Plants that maximize their output during the day are primarily pollinated by bees or butterflies, whereas those that release their fragrance mostly at night are pollinated by moth and bats."

According to Judy Sedbrook at Colorado State University;

"With the setting of the sun, the nocturnal garden awakens and the night shift takes over. Many plants bloom exclusively at night. Many more wait to release their heady scent until evening."

It turns out some flowers only bloom at night, others release their scent only when dark falls. If you've heard some of their names before, that conclusion might be easy to draw.. at least in hindsight; among flowers that bloom at night are Evening Primrose, Moonflowers, Angel's Trumpet, Night Phlox and Evening Stock.

Among those that release their scent during the night are Night Gladiolus, Climbing Hydrangea and Honeysuckle to mention a few. Even Basil and Oregano-plants give off their scent primarily at night. There's also a long list of white and reflective plants which bloom at night, and seem to glow when they reflect the moonlight. For a more extensive list of flowers, you'll find one in the article entitled The Night Shift

- I don't know about you, but I think I'm going to have to go for a walk tonight :)

Midnight

2010-06-17T00:11:00.000+02:00

It's as warm at midnight as it was at noon. It's just as light too. The only difference is it smells better. I don't know why, but the warmth of the night (and it does feel warmer at night) brings with it the most amazing flowery smells.

Maybe it's the quiet, maybe it's the light at midnight, maybe it's just magic. I don't know. Somehow the world smells better at night.. and I'm sure there's someone way smarter than me out there who knows exactly why :)

Results : Threesomes

2010-06-15T12:06:00.004+02:00

These are the [very late] results from two polls about threesomes I had quite a while back and suddenly realized had not been posted! (procrastination is my curse)

There were two questions;
1) Have you ever had a threesome
2) Who would you want in one beside yourself?

A lot of votes came in this time but the results can be quickly summed up;

28% have had a threesome
90% of respondents fantasize about a threesome
Most of the respondents were male
Men want threesomes with two women
Women want threesomes with two men
Women are more likely than men to fantasize about a threesome including a person of their own sex

and to answer the question I've been asked quite a few times;

Most women do fantasize about threesomes

...at least those who are likely to visit a blog like this and answer polls about sex...

For the detailed results, please click the images to enlarge.

Blogging

2010-06-13T23:37:00.000+02:00

One thing that often strikes me when visiting random (or not so random) blogs is how many of them seem to have lasted only a few months.

People seem to start off with a blast, telling the readers everything they're interested in and everything they'll write about. A few post (and months) later they do a post along the lines of; "I'm sorry I update so rarely, this will change from now on, stay tuned!"

Then a post or two later the blog ends, gets buried in Blogger's basement, until a year or so later I stumble across it and blow off the dust.

Do people quickly realize blogging wasn't as fun and rewarding as they thought? That they didn't get fifty comments on each post like those blogs they've read before?

Or do people realize they don't really have that much interesting stuff to tell the world anyway?

I'm usually in the second category but I'm sticking with it. I'm not quite sure why sometimes, but it's become a little hiding place for me (though not so hidden anymore).

This blog is kinda old (for a blog) and I started it basically before I even knew what a blog was - so I had no expectations. Maybe that's why I feel I have a right to fill your screen with random words strung together and wonder if you'll read them..

I realize how quickly blogs die, and I am glad there are some people out there who do stick with it. I'll do my best to stay among them - apples won't look good with dust on them.

Lawn Mowing Behaviour

2010-06-10T12:46:00.002+02:00

I think people mow their lawns every single day here. At least it feels like it - there's always a lawn mower going somewhere.

I've always found lawn mowing behaviour to be kind of amusing. One afternoon you'll hear a neighbour start. Then a little while later one on the other side starts. And when they're done another neighbour gets going... It's almost like when they hear someone else doing it, they're reminded they probably should too.

Whether they realize they're reminded of it because they hear the noise, or whether they think they came up with it all on their own, is hard to say. I'm inclined to say most favour the second option, though I don't think that's what's really going on.

Then.. since most people tend to mow their lawns shortly after their neighbours, why do I hear lawn mowers every day? Does grass grow abnormally fast in this neighbourhood? Do people like particularly short grass? Or do they just enjoy mowing lawns?

I don't know. Maybe I'm the only one who notices this. I'm probably the only one who finds it interesting. I get that, lawn mowing really isn't very fascinating, is it? But - I do think I've found the missing piece of the puzzle.

Close to our house the town owns nine apartments and an old people's home. Around the buildings there is grass the size of around three average sized lawns. For some reason, they decide to mow them (ie. drive around on a miniscule tractor pretending to be a giant) on different days of the week, even though they lie less than thirty yards apart. The days they don't mow the lawns, they walk around with this little device to trim the edges of the lawn. This device sounds like a helicopter (seriously - I've had to check a few times).

People are strange..

When I was a kid I used to sing on the swings when my dad mowed the lawn. It made such nice noise (yes there is such a thing), a purring almost.. and it was the only time I could sing so nobody would hear me (I can't sing to save my life).

Today that sound, and the smell of freshly cut grass, still takes me back there.. to simpler times, when all I wanted in this world was a popsicle and a dip in the lake, back when I didn't spend time wondering what people were thinking when mowing their lawns.

Back when all I would wonder would be when the itsy bitsy fishies in the lake would come so we could catch them. Actually... now that I mentioned it, I wonder if they're here yet!

June once again

2010-06-08T22:39:00.001+02:00

After a week of chopping, throwing, piling and transporting wood from the woods, I now have brownish arms and white legs. And one muscle. I think. I'm not quite sure.

The flowers are blooming, colours and smells everywhere; I can tell it's been long since I've been here this time of year. I keep deciding to put up the hammock but it's still just a little too cold in the shade.

I tend to lie there, between the cherry tree and the plum tree, dreaming of summer adventures. I know I should just do it.. whatever it is.. "seize the day", that it's "better to regret what you've done than what you didn't do". I just hold back. I always have.

June always holds such promise, such potential for the summer to come. Long summer nights, the smell of lilacs, short skirts and the big, blue lake.. all that's lacking is a bit of excitement. I wonder where to go to find that?

CTRL+ALT+DEL

2010-05-29T02:13:00.002+02:00

They say Windows crashes constantly. They say CTRL+ALT+DEL will become your best friend. Then it becomes your worst enemy when you realize that, contrary to popular belief, it doesn't do all that much to fix the problem. If anything at all.

They say Apple and its Mac limits your freedom. Although it doesn't crash as much, it tells you what you can and cannot install. It tells you what you can and cannot do. And then it crashes anyway.

Welcome to Linux Xandros on the Asus eee 900. It's a wonderful blend of Windows and the Mac. It does crash constantly, it does tell you what you can and cannot install (which has been everything the past year), and it seems to have been created simply to annoy the crap out of me.

It doesn't even have the possibility of running the bloody CD that came with it, which would enable me to reset it to its original miserable state of inadequacy.

Say what you want about Windows... having been around the block a couple times I have to say my future laptop will be neither a Mac nor running Linux. Interpret that any which way you want.

If you've got any better suggestions, please do leave a comment.

Summer in Spring

2010-05-21T18:03:00.000+02:00

20 degrees, sun, a gentle breeze blowing in my hair... I imagine this is what heaven must be like.

Add to that I feel almost completely well, in record time (alcohol+garlic=win!), and my pale white has been replaced by a subtle shade of red around the shoulders.

The butterflies are playing and the kitten is eating bugs... we got a few perfect days in May this year as well, better enjoy the rest of it before the rain starts tomorrow.

Mmm... there's nothing like long, warm, bright summer days :)

And there goes my sense of smell...

2010-05-18T20:54:00.003+02:00

I hate being sick. Probably because I rarely am. Then again, I might have hated it more if it happened more frequently.

Thanks to my already sick sis, who drank from my bottles and sneezed in my face (thanks for that sis!) during the four days we spent on the road trip together, then laughed when I started coughing, exclaiming triumphantly she'd been able to infect someone (seriously - thanks!)... I am now sick.

I hate sick. I get angry with sick.
What I hate the most is losing my sense of smell and taste. What's the point in living if you have no sense of taste? Seriously - what's the point?

Now I'm just gonna do what I always do. Crawl into bed, sleep for three days and feel sorry for myself..? Nah. I'm gonna stay up, jump around, command myself to get well... and blow my nose ever five minutes until my sense of taste comes back (yuck... :-/)!

I do get angry with sick.
And this time I expect it to go away real fast.

Road Trip..?

2010-05-12T22:34:00.000+02:00

If only for a few days, just a weekend, it'll be great to leave the town, the country. To get far, far away.

Spring is supposed to be here but it keeps snowing every other day.. Nothing ever happens here, no matter how much I want it to. I miss the pink cherry trees of Bergen!

The Horror of Alarms

2010-05-07T01:19:00.000+02:00

I thought I'd left the car alarms behind when I left the city. Unfortunately, something seems to happen every spring and summer; new people come to town. Tourists, friends, relatives.. they come here from other parts of the country, they park their cars, and they turn their car alarms on.

Car alarms don't work here. Well.. they work.. a little too well, to be honest. Which is why they don't work - in the sense that you can't turn them on. This is the quietest little town ever, and people aren't used to car alarms. Neither are cats, dogs, birds..

Basically - if you turn your car alarm on, it's bound to go off. Usually in the middle of the night and it will keep the neighbours up. What you do then is turn it off. What you don't do is turn the bloody thing back on and go back inside!

When you do that it'll only go off again. In about half an hour. Trust me - I know. Leave it off, you won't regret it. Nobody is gonna steal your friggin car anyway, because nothing bad ever happens around here. Again - trust me. I know.

The Scary Pill : Hormones and Pheromones

2010-04-28T19:41:00.001+02:00

According to researchers, women tend to choose different men when we're on the pill than we otherwise would. The reason is that during ovulation, our hormones peak. When on the pill, we do not ovulate and the hormones which usually flow into our blood never get released.

This means the men we would usually pick at the time we are most likely to get pregnant, the typically masculine men, we no longer want. Instead, we go for the type of guys we would pick when we are not ovulating - caring, more feminine guys who resemble ourselves.

Although we'd like to think we're making an informed decision, whether or not we are on the pill (and the hormones that go with it) can actually influence our decision when it comes to picking a mate.

The influence of the pill does not stop there. When women do not ovulate, we no longer produce pheromones, which all over the animal kingdom, including for us human beings, is a scent or a stimulant for attracting those of the opposite sex.

It's what tells animals when the females are in heat, and humans also subconsciously react to it. Selling "pheromones" in little bottles has become an industry, advertising that this will make you irresistible (kind of like the Axe commercials for men). The pill removes this natural element completely.

So.. side effects of the pill are; you get attracted to feminine men, you get less attractive to all men, and you want less sex.

And we think the pill is so great.. why exactly?

I'm a self absorbed slut. What else is new?

2010-04-24T17:42:00.003+02:00

I'm very self absorbed. I'm a slut too. And a "female horndog".

At least according to the random stranger who read my blog and found it provoking enough to track me down and tell me exactly how he feels about me.

You see, I'm ruining my life here. Not only am I having sex "just for the hell of it". Instead of being ashamed, as anyone should be, I actually admit to that fact online. In a blog. Which apparently everyone I know reads; my family, my friends - even my future employer who would never consider hiring someone like me. Why?

Because "a reasonably cultured intelligent person would not admit to having sex with a person they did not imagine themselves having a long term relationship with". At least so says the stranger (who ironically enough called himself "ReallyNiceGuy"). Before he ended by saying that I (the slut) probably never have sex anyway since I'm too self absorbed.

First of all... wow!
Second, this guy did have some points. Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I agree with him about any of this, but there are some things worth noting.

I think everyone who has a blog has to be a little self absorbed.
I think everyone who talks on chat or discussion boards must be a little self absorbed. I think everyone who has Facebook, Myspace or Twitter must be a little self absorbed. I think the guy who always talks the loudest at the party must be self absorbed. We decide to share something with the world, to present our own perspective on it. I have no problem admitting that I too can be self absorbed, no problem at all.

Being a slut and sex "for the hell of it".
I wouldn't say I'm a slut. In fact I would say I'm very far from being a slut (whatever your chosen definition of that term), but I understand that my blog may give another impression. A blog is words, not actions. These are thoughts, not a blow-by-blow (no pun intended) detailed account of my sex life. Anyone who thought otherwise should read again - there probably aren't quite as many details as you might think.

Friends, family and future employers.
There are a few people I know who read this blog. Naturally there could be more, and the information is out there - it IS possible to find out who I am. It's not even that hard. Am I worried? No. This is just another random blog on the internet - why would anyone care? But I do think it's a good idea for anyone to be a little cautious about what they publish.. we never know what will happen in the future; where we will be and who we will know. For me, the line between apples and Anne is getting blurry, perhaps more so than it should.

That random stranger had some [in my mind] messed up explanations and arguments that I won't get into here, but one thing stands out, a thing I've been called names and criticized for in the past;

I've asked this question before... do I write too much about sex?

Natural Harvest - a collection of semen-based recipes

2010-04-20T14:47:00.003+02:00

A cookbook by Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer

FOREWORD
"Semen is nutritious. It contains a good balance of fructose sugars, protein, enzymes, vitamins and minerals. On its own, semen meets the criteria for a low-carb food. In fact, Dr. Atkins would probably have praised semen as an ideal food had it not been considered a faux pas."

Although most of us would find this slightly.. erm.. gross, the author does have some good points. People already eat blood, flesh from animals, we drink milk from what are basically the cow's breasts, we eat liver, caviar. What is caviar? Fish eggs! We're already eating so many strange things, what makes semen different - or worse?

"Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.

This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist!"

After being posted online the cookbook had quickly been downloaded 100.000 times. The author decided it was time to make it into an actual book, and since then it has become wildly popular. To read more, see www.cookingwithcum.com.

Unfortunately, I do not have access to any semen so I can't try any of the recipes. If I had had access to semen, I still would not have tried any of the recipes. Sex is fun, food is fun. Sex and food? I'm sure the harvesting of the ingredient would be fun but... "Honey, give me a squirt will you, I'm gonna make hot chocolate with cream"?

I think I'll pass!

Passionate Encounters - and the lack thereof

2010-04-15T13:07:00.004+02:00

Last night while discussing love, lust and the like with one of those nice people who live in my computer, I was confronted with the question of what is really the difference between passion, chemistry and lust? I don't really know if is there any significant difference.

I started thinking about it and I must admit - I have never truly had either. Chemistry perhaps, you need chemistry to make friends and lovers. But in combination with passion and lust in the bedroom? Never.

That strikes me as a little unfortunate and I can't help but feel I've missed out. I've never had that connection with someone that makes you tingle with anticipation, when you just have to have someone, raw passion, instincts taking over not caring about anything other than the here and now.

I've had the "like" and the "care for". The "just for fun" and the "feel like doing it", just not... not the passion and the chemistry in bed that I want to experience, that I imagine we all want to experience. Just being tossed around in the sack for a bit, because no one says love and lust are the same.

Then again, my friends do tell me sex is always better when you find that person you truly love, and who loves you back.

Have you ever had that lust, that passion with someone?

And would you rather have good sex with someone who is right for you in the long term, or experience raw passion with someone who is completely wrong?

Facebook - the Annoying Contacts

2010-04-12T20:33:00.008+02:00

We all have them; the annoying contacts. They are annoying in several different ways, and most of them are not that bad all the time. We are all probably an annoying contact to someone else, at one point or another.
I wrote about Farmtown . a while ago, but people on Facebook itself can be pretty frustrating too!

People who use "cutsie-speak". Often seen on comments on photos and goes along the lines of "ooooh u r soo pretty!!", "prettiiiiieessstt!!", "no ur so hoottt!", "no u r!", "ur the beessttt!!". Yes, it was a nice photo of a beautiful girl, but what happens with people's language when they see something pretty? Do people automatically revert back to being 14, or is it like when people see babies? We all know how that works.

People whose status updates only revolve around 1) how drunk they were last weekend, and 2) how drunk they are planning to get next weekend. It's fine being enthusiastic, I love that. But when you're in your mid twenties and all you write is "I was soo wasted, dunno how I got home! should I drink again tomorrow?" But I suppose it does says something about your state of mind when most of your friends and the people who comment are very young teenage girls, a decade or more younger than you.

People fishing for comments with status updates like "oh crap, it happened again!", "yay, it's finally here - soo excited to try it!", "only 24 days left till it's ready!". I'd never thought of this before someone else mentioned it annoyed them, and now I can't stand it!

People who post certain "chain status updates", those that start or end with things like; "90% of people won't post this, do you have the guts?", "Show people you love your mother/father/sister/whoever by posting this, if you don't, they'll know you don't!", "Only 1% of people will copy this, do you just want to be like all the rest or cool like us?". I bet they're the same people who forward chain emails saying "If you don't pass this on you'll die/if you do you'll have good luck". And the sad thing.. have you noticed they're all adults who should know way better?

People who join "Profile Spy", "ProfileChecker", "Profile-whatever" groups. They don't work, won't you get that into your head already??

People who join or make groups that tell you Facebook will change something, give you something for free, delete your account, publish your photos, make your profile public, etc. if you do/do not join. Because of course Facebook would ban all its users unless they joined a group 17 year old Jonah Mitchell from Ohio created, that makes perfect sense!

People who take "invite all your friends to join, otherwise the application won't work" literally.

People who suggest friends for me who I have never met.

Facebook itself suggesting friends from my entire gmail account. It is slightly odd having suggested professors, lecturers, random people I do not remember, employees in online stores and the entire board of directors of the student organization in Bergen as my friends.

Do I realize I sound like a grumpy old bitch here? Totally! Just read it with a sense of humour.

Because I annoy people too. Maybe more than they annoy me. I just try not to do it on Facebook, which spreads everything you do out to the front page of all your hundreds of contacts. That's annoying!

Think twice next time you come across a group which insists you invite all your friends, tells you Facebook will start charging money, or will allow you to see who visits your profile. Chances are you will simply fall victim to a prank by an attention seeking teenager who understands just how easily people can be fooled.

Fantasies and Broken Dreams

2010-03-25T00:56:00.002+01:00

Some times we have to make difficult choices. Choices we are reluctant to make because they challenge fundamental believes inside of us. They change hopes and dreams. Some times we have to choose between a fantasy and what we can realistically achieve. Fantasies and dreams can come true, but you have to work for them. Someone has to make the first move. And when you hesitate you may lose your chance. The only chance you're ever given.

So we chose.. we choose what is safe. We carefully place one stone onto another as we build our lives here on Earth. We place our stones one next to the other, horizontally. We build houses, little houses of our stones, not big towers standing tall. Not like we used to. We've forgotten our castles in the sky.

It's part of growing up, they say. They don't call it 'losing hope'.They no longer remember their dreams as anything other than fantasies, thought up by an overactive mind in an unrealistic child. It's easier to deal with silly fantasies than broken dreams.

It can be anything ... buying one apartment because you don't know if the one you're dreaming of even exists. Taking a job you don't really want because those you do are impossible to find. Choosing to go with the guy who tells you he likes you, because the one who makes you tingle never said a word. Choosing a small town life over a city because not even the city is big enough to hold all your dreams.

How long do you give it? How long does the single woman wait to have the child she longs for? How long do you wait for 'the one'? When do you know it's now or never, when have you had enough? How do you know? How do you know it's time to knock over your tower, to start laying your stones down, one next to the other?

When you reach for the stars you may tumble and fall. And the way back down is long and hard. Broken dreams are hard to deal with, so we rationalize. We choose differently to avoid getting hurt. To avoid wasting time waiting for something which might not even be real.

What about the guy who says he likes you and the job you don't really want? Long term those might be the smartest choices you ever made. Short term ... you'd rather have the tingle and the fun.

Maybe our dreams 'breaking' is what it takes for us to see the future. To accept it. To embrace happiness over insecurity. A way to force us to examine reality and take our dreams for what they are ... just dreams.

We choose to change. And we do so by telling ourselves we have no choice. But like a flower turning away from the sun we too will wither and die without the light and the hope our dreams bring.

It's easier to deal with silly fantasies than broken dreams. They both tell us something about ourselves; the fantasies who we are. the dreams who we were.

Consensual Devaluation of a Life

2010-03-20T17:37:00.004+01:00

In Norway we've had this strange little law for about a year now. It says you're perfectly allowed to sell sex ... but you're not allowed to buy it. This, it has been said, is because it's not the prostitutes one is out to get, but the clients who create a demand and make the sex trade a viable business. A way of life, for some.

Most prostitutes on Norwegian streets are not from here. They're immigrants, refugees from Africa, women from Eastern Europe staying a few months in each country. Norwegians have money, they hear. And the costumers are many. So they come. Hoping to sell the only thing they have on the cold streets of Norway, sending money home to a family in a much poorer land.

Does it do something to you? Selling your body time and time again, giving the men what they want and taking their money. Or is it just another job? Do you feel sad and alone, getting undressed, spreading your legs? Or is it a job you chose because you wanted to?

Do you feel respected and cared for, when talking is superfluous and your mouth is told to do other chores? Or do you enjoy the power you hold over someone?

Do you feel happy?
- and do you think anyone really cares about the answer to the question you're never asked?

It's a right, some say. Sex. A human right. Others say it's a transaction between two consensual adults. They all say slavery, trafficking and threats are bad. But that kind of thing has never happened to their favourite girl. She smiles. She dresses nice. She even seems to be enjoying herself. Probably more so this time than with the four other guys she's fucked tonight. She's lost count a long time ago. But that's ok. She has rent to pay. And with the little you paid her, tucked in her purse, she has to go out there and do it all over again.

If only she'd get paid for her efforts. Some do. They make a lot and lead good lives. Choosing what they want and when they want. And whose money to take for an hour of fun. It's a different life. A different experience when you feel worth something. Appreciated. Valued. In every meaning of the word. It's an easy way to make a quick buck. You probably enjoy aspects of it, the money, the illegality. Luxurious little treats.

Yet out there in the dark stands the girl in the short skirt. Smiling and flirting with passers-by, trying to lure one of them into her room so she'll have money for rent next week. She feels her worth with every condescending remark she receives. She feels the appreciation every time a guy tells her to flip over. And she feels her value, feels it clearly, when a few small bills are handed to her as the zipper goes up and the door closes.

Does she wonder why she does it? Or has she given up? Does she want to go back out, or would she rather not? It's her choice, they say. So why does she do it? Those who care tell her to stop. Those who don't tell her it's her choice. That she's taken the easy way out. Easy, they say.

She gets up. Off the bed. Puts on her clothes. Throws away yet another sticky reminder. And she goes out there. One more time. To do it all over again.

It's buying a service. And like with every other service, you can't expect the buyer to care about the seller. We care about what we pay for. What we get. Not the people who give it to us.
Is sex just another service ... like going to the barber shop?
Is it that easy?

Consensual adults. You've chosen your value. You're not worth anymore. It's a free market.

Just not so free anymore.

Easiest OS ever?

2010-03-15T07:30:00.002+01:00

From EngrishFunny.com...................................

Massage Boys

2010-03-11T18:08:00.011+01:00

No, I'm not thinking of Thai ladyboys, which might be the first thing that springs to mind.

I'm thinking of the boys that spend their teenage years following pretty girls around, catering to their every need, talking sweetly to them, calling them cutsey names and - you got it - massages them. In class, during seminars, lunch breaks, in line for the bus, gym class - anywhere.

Then they spend the next eight years complaining about how girls see them as friends and not as dangerous, sexy, masculine men.

I hate those guys.
I hate even more those who don't seem to grow out of it, those who keep behaving that way even when they've long since become grown men with jobs, suits and fancy cars. And simply don't understand why puppy dog eyes and complete obedience doesn't make them attractive and sexy.

Sure, sure - people are different and some guys are more feminine than others. Our gym classes painted a fairly nice picture of that the times we got to choose what we wanted to do. After they were done massaging we usually divided into two groups - the girls wanted to play volleyball, the boys wanted to play floor hockey. Inevitably, a couple girls wanted to play hockey with the boys and a couple guys always played volleyball. The massage boys, of course.

Me, I always played hockey with the boys. It's the one thing I miss about high school, getting to run around and actually be fairly good at something in gym. And I didn't really hate seeing how annoyed the boys could get whenever I, a girl, snatched the balls from between their legs (no pun intended).

I won't say I'm not a feminine girl; I love wearing skirts, new makeup - I read the chick lit, love kittens, will squeal if you tickle me , and I hate my hair. But I've never been the "pink all over, unicorns and poetry" kind of girl. So maybe what it all comes down to is... it's just weird seeing guys who act more like a girl than I do. Especially when they themselves don't understand what it is they're doing..

.. and that most girls are looking for a boyfriend, not a little sister.

Layouts

2010-03-04T13:44:00.004+01:00

I'm going to try and change to Blogger layouts. Again.
I'll probably end up hating it and switching back. Again.

This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

I really should learn something, anything, about html codes, it would make everything so much easier...

Earthquakes: Baby, I could feel the earth move!

2010-03-02T15:10:00.004+01:00

--
You know how people are in bed having the time of time their life, and after they exclaim they could actually feel the earth move? No? I'm sure you've seen it in a movie some time.
--
--
If you were in bed on Saturday when the earthquake in Chile hit, you may actually have felt the earth move. More than it usually does. Which is thousands and thousands of miles a day. And you don't have to be in bed to feel it. But that's beside the point.

According to NASA scientists;

“The length of the day should have gotten shorter by 1.26 microseconds (millionths of a second). “The axis about which the Earth’s mass is balanced should have moved by 2.7 milliarcseconds (about 8 centimeters or 3 inches).”

According to VG this simply means the earth is now spinning faster than it used to. When earthquakes of this magnitude hit, they change the distribution of the mass on earth, which changes the speed at which it rotates. So the continents move, and the earth itself spins faster as a result of it.

An earthquake in Asia in 2004 brought on even bigger changes which shortened the day by 6.8 microseconds. No reason for concern though - we'd need more than 100.000 of these huge earthquakes to see a change of one second in the earth's rotation. Still, it is quite fascinating.

Can you feel the earth move?

Technology Schmechnology

2010-03-02T12:16:00.005+01:00

I think some of the cell phone providers around are having issues..

It takes three days to send an mms from Bergen to here.
It takes six days for a text to reach me from Ireland.

I sent a reply to that one, I expect that one will arrive next Monday and I'll have the answer in around 12 days.

Oh this technology... can't live with it, refuse to live without it for more than a couple days at a time..

Sportscheck's one-eyed Adidas monster

2010-02-26T15:09:00.006+01:00

German sporting goods store Sportscheck's newest advertising strategy consists of showing as much as possible of their models to increase attention and sales. So they put this guy in a little blue Adidas thing.

Unfortunately, they didn't think he was showing quite enough so they decided to let some more of him peek out.

Whether this bold new tactic was aimed at the girls or the guys is hard to say - either way, they have received quite a lot of attention the past few days. But naturally they claim it wasn't planned, that it wasn't an accident, right?

Actually, they've refused to comment on it at all according to Norwegian newspaper VG.

All I can say is.. although it is a little hard to take your eyes off it (which probably means their strategy worked), I'm glad most guys have smaller dicks than that one! Can you imagine seeing little one-eyed monsters peeking out at you like that whenever you go to the beach?

Guys, wear shorts, Please!

The sun is back!

2010-02-24T23:59:00.001+01:00

It disappears for four months each winter and now it's finally back.

Just to dispel a myth, and answer the inevitable question - no, this does not mean it's dark four months a year in Norway. It simply means where I'm from, we don't get direct sunlight between mid October and February 24th.

The reason for this is Norway's mountains. When the sun is at it's lowest point in the sky (winter solstice - December 21st for the northern hemisphere), due to the tilt of the earth's axis the rays have no chance of making it over the mountains and down into the valley between them.

It looks something like this (no laughing please, I only have a tiny eee and a sucky touchpad with malfunctioning buttons);

This is more or less what the valley looks like, lake in the bottom, our house the red one on the left. The yellow sun is the "summer sun" - it's high in the sky (the northern part of the earth is tilting towards it), the orange "winter sun" is lower in the sky.

Clearly, no direct sunlight does not mean it's pitch black outside, which a lot of people seem to think - although when the sun is at its lowest point we only have light for around five-six hours a day. Basically, we're in the shade for one third of the year - it's dark and it's cold.

Which hopefully explains (in the simplest way possible) why I'm so the glad the sun "is back" - it means a little warmth, a little light, and only a little more time until spring comes!

Do I miss sex?

2010-02-21T13:48:00.008+01:00

My good friend Sleepy asked me if I don't miss having sex. He knows it's been a while, and, I'm sure, felt a need to brag about his recent exploits. Then again, chatting with a girl once, then flying halfway across the country to spend the weekend in her bed does give bragging rights.

So.. do I miss sex? How long has it been...? Since I left the city and moved out here into the middle of nowhere. I guess both yes and no;

No because it's been a while, first you need it, you gotta have it, then you settle into the routine of not getting it. Plus cuz of the grooming that's required...
Yes for the obvious reasons - you miss getting a little sumthin sumthin, I miss the excitement, the feeling, being that close to someone. Feeling a big hard... well you get the picture. Girls have needs too, and sometimes I don't quite know what to do with myself. (TMI?)

Do I miss sex? Well, I hope I'm not considered a nun quite yet. But yes, I do. I miss the excitement, the happiness and the satisfaction. But I don't miss the routine that develops in a relationship, and I don't really do one night stands. Maybe I need an FGF?

Do you believe in global warming?

2010-02-19T14:35:00.000+01:00

Vancouver 2010 on Facebook

2010-02-15T11:29:00.004+01:00

Vancouver 2010 Olympics: Ever see 1,500 people dancing (and singing) in the street? / Avez-vous déjà vu 5000 personnes danser et chanter dans la rue?

The sentence is the same in both languages. The number... not so much.

I think Canadians have a very unique way of counting.

Happytime with my Bible

2010-02-13T14:02:00.004+01:00

I'm sitting quietly on my bed reading the Bible when my mum walks in and sees me.

"I'm reading the Bible", I tell her.

I just loved her reaction..

"No... Oh my!" she said, sighed, shook her head and rolled her eyes at the same time.

I had to tell her the reason I was doing so was someone had tried to argue that;
1) the Bible says catholic priests have to be celibate, and
2) only the Quran says homosexuals should be killed

Both statements were false, naturally, and I was looking for this;

"If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death, their blood is upon them (Lev.20,13)

Crazy ass Christians...

The Guy With The Latex Sheets

2010-02-02T12:37:00.007+01:00

A couple years ago I was at work at the mall in Bergen. I walked past some guys, one had a microphone in his hand and wondered if he could ask me some questions. I didn't have the time, I had to hurry back to work.

I walked up the stairs and the guy came running after me. He seemed nice, if a little pushy and a bit older than me. His microphone was shoved in his back pocket. When we got to the shop he said he needed some help. He was looking for sheets, you see.

Sheets. Right. We had plenty of those. He asked if we had any in latex.
"You know, because things can get a bit messy sometimes" *wink wink*. Yeah... no sorry, we didn't have any of those. At that, he made a flirty comment I can no longer remember, and left.

I thought of that guy again today when I was reading a post on a Norwegian blog about sex toys, body paint, massage oil and the like. The oil always seemed so messy to me - how do you manage to play around with the sticky stuff without leaving stains all over? The solution may be getting a latex sheet.

It is kinda hard to be spontaneous if you have to change the sheets before you start though... anybody got any better ideas?

As for the guy, I saw him again a week later. He was jogging past the building where I lived as I came outside. He stopped fifty yards up the road, just outside the window of the apartment, bent down and fiddled with his shoes until I'd passed him, which was when I recognized him.

I'm sure if he lived in the neighbourhood I'd seen him many times before.. it only took a microphone and a few comments about latex sheets for me to notice him (I wouldn't recommend that as a pick up line though, it probably won't have the desired effect!).

Or who knows, maybe he was a secret agent spying on me from the place I worked and outside the apartment. He probably had a tiny camera and binoculars with him, and there's a thick dossier on me on someone's desk somewhere...

A jogging latex spy.
I like!

Changing Perceptions of Normality

2010-02-02T12:22:00.001+01:00

It's a happy day for Norwegian transvestites.

The Directorate of Health has decided to remove transvestism, sexual fetishism and sadomasochism from its list of disorders and diagnoses.

The Director of Health says their goal is to change the idea that certain sexual preferences and identities can be seen as illnesses. Homosexuality was a diagnosis in Norway until 1979 and changing perceptions is a very slow process.

A simple search on google reveals a lot of people seem to mix the terms transvestite and hermaphrodite (recently replaced by the term intersexual). This can possibly be done deliberately by some to sell access to their sites, or it could simply be ignorance. It never ceases to amaze me how those who are the most hateful are often the most ignorant among us..

Either way, I admire those who are different and dare express it - I may not understand half the fetishes out there, I may not want wish to be a transvestite and I may never have tried out S&M.. but that certainly doesn't mean anyone should be labeled as having a disorder simply because they like lace panties or enjoy a good spanking once in a while.

Norway's changed, who's next?

Hairy Dog

2010-01-25T20:01:00.004+01:00

I find myself avoiding this blog.

If I decide to write a post, it would mean having to think, write and actually form sentences. Then I'd have to go through all my photos on a tiny little laptop, to find the two I want to actually present to the world. To illustrate my point.

I don't have a point.
Not yet anyway, they're all jumbled together, looking like those hairy dogs that have hair in front of their eyes at all times. I feel like one of those dogs right now.

A little more than I'd like to admit, actually.

Autumn - while waiting for spring

2010-01-14T16:12:00.008+01:00

My favourite photo from October.

I loved how the flowers stood their ground for weeks, born from bud to flower when it should have been too cold, when reason said they should have frozen. They grew, sensing winter coming, not ready to give up their colours but holding their little heads high.. before finally succumbing to the frost, the cold and the darkness.

Norwegian what?

2010-01-14T15:15:00.011+01:00

I heard a new term today and innocent as I am I expected it to be something nice, something clean, something... innocent.

Norwegian nasty - When an erect male penis is inserted into a female's ass, and afterwards the male proceeds to receive oral sex from the woman.

I just gave that girl a mean Norwegian nasty.

Urbandictionary.com seems to have a lot of terms starting with "Norwegian" these days;

Norwegian culture - A perfectly valid excuse for punching someones testicles.

Norwegian massage - a woman massaging another woman without using her hands

Norwegian goggles - An act of shame committed upon a passed out person, where the perpetrator places his hairy naked scrotum upon the closed eyes of the victim. This must be performed while facing the victim's feet, so that the penis will naturally fall upon their nose in a manner resembling the nose guard of traditional viking helmets.

I'm sensing a theme here...

The Mysterious Jeans

2010-01-07T16:04:00.005+01:00

My mother came storming down the stairs and into my room a few days ago. She was all serious like and demanded to know if I'd had a guy in my room the previous night.

Now, you may wonder what brought this on, as I did, since my parents are not very likely to mind if there had been a guy in my room. But there had not. Then where did the jeans come from?

My mother had been folding clothes when she found a pair of jeans which did not belong to anyone in the house. Whose were they? The most entertaining solution my mother could think of was that there had been a guy in my room and I'd kicked him out in the middle of the night.

I said that might have been fun, but sorry, it didn't happen. My mother did not give up, instead she asked if this guy was someone I didn't want to see again (or admit to be seeing). I told her the truth,

"Mum, I think that if I'd kicked a guy out in the middle of the night, without his pants on, in half a meter of snow and -17C (1.4F), it's more likely that he's the one who won't be wanting to see me again."

At that, she could no longer keep a straight face. She did really wonder where the jeans came from though, perhaps we have a flasher in our midst?

2010

2010-01-03T12:58:00.008+01:00

Since last..

December
Baking cookies
Gingerbread houses
Decorations
Family
Christmas
Snow
Presents
New Year

That's about it.

Currently I'm a little bummed out to find there's a show about the most important economic news in Norway of the past year.

And just bummed out in general about life.. in general.

2009 wasn't all that, 2010 is a brand new year full of blank pages.
I wonder what I'll fill them with.

I sold my soul and got an iPod

2009-12-11T18:22:00.002+01:00

No, of course I didn't, what do you think of me?

But I came close - the iPod Touch is rather gorgeous, and I do still want an iPhone.

If it wasn't for the whole locking it to one (or two) operating systems, not being able to connect it to the eee, having to install stuff, and not being able to use it whenever, wherever...

In case you're one of those who think "apples" comes from Apple, you're sadly mistaken. apples came about before I'd ever heard of Apple. Probably before I'd used a laptop and long before I owned a cell phone or an mp3-player.

I'm not too fond of the company's policy, which is looking more and more like that of Microsoft - it's not enough to get the costumer to stop by for a visit, you need to lock them in your attic until they scream for mercy. Well. That's how I think of it some times.

Still, in spite of my fondness of freedom and commitment phobia, that iPod Touch does look damn good...

Creative Zen X-FI2

2009-11-25T17:26:00.007+01:00

I'm in love again!

With a Creative Zen X-FI2 mp3 player, 32gB storage space and a touch screen.

The screen is 3'', perfect for watching movies, with a battery that lasts up to 25 hours.

Only sucks it's a bit too expensive, what with me not having the greatest record of keeping mp3 players alive for too long at a time...

China Fashion Week 2009 - Timeless Fashion?

2009-11-25T14:09:00.008+01:00

This is an actual outfit from the China Fashion Week.

I'm not quite sure what's the front and the back, but I it looks like this is the right way (whatever that means).

Maybe an idea for those of us who never seem to be on time?

More weird looking outfits ->>

Itchy

2009-11-20T13:54:00.006+01:00

I think either mosquitos thought summer is back, or there are bedbugs in my bed. I don't particularly like either of those options..

I've got an itchy bump (bite?) on my lower back, and one on my upper thigh. That's not supposed to happen in November and I don't understand where they came from..

Oh no! Maybe kitten has fleas! Do cats get fleas? And do they bite?

Return to Chat

2009-11-16T23:46:00.003+01:00

Some times I dare venture back onto chat. It's weird how the older I get, the fewer people talk to me. Or maybe that's not weird at all...

I never quite get used to typing a new number when someone asks how old I am. I'm still stuck at 19 in chat, I've been mostly a stranger to it since then.

Today a guy was getting annoying, as they tend to get, and it ended like this;

apples: I guess that's bye bye to you
Sag: fuck off
Sag: :)
Sag: you are sick

I don't think I've ever got a smiley face between the "fuck" and the "sick" before...

What the hell has happened to Barbie?

2009-11-15T20:27:00.010+01:00

Barbie's always been skinny, it's not that. Tall, blonde, long legs - and a small waist. But look at that waist! Where did the curves I remember from my childhood go?

I've always had Barbie dolls, I had a ton of clothes for them, a huge three story doll house my godfather gave me. Complete furniture for kitchen, dining room, bedroom, bathroom, you name it. Having a ton of aunts and uncles is a lot of fun for a little girl! (don't worry, I grew out of the materialism when the number of cousins rose over 20 and we no longer got individual presents).

So I guess I know what I'm talking about when I say that Barbie dolls did not use to be this skinny. They looked more like the girl in pink here. Still skinny, still long legs and blonde hair, but without the weird looking waist the blue one has.

If it continues like this, I'm a little worried Barbie will lose all her curves. I like curves, nothing like a girl with a beautiful hourglass figure. Skinny clothes hangers on catwalks with bones sticking out rarely look good.

So what's next for Barbie? The guys over at WAYODD.com have a suggestion. Anorexic Barbie.

Stunning, isn't she?

Wear your beauty on the outside, please!

2009-11-15T18:42:00.007+01:00

"LONDON (Reuters) - The way that BeautifulPeople.com accepts new members is simple. A potential member applies with a photo and a brief profile. Over 48 hours, existing members of the opposite sex vote whether or not to admit them.

The site was founded in 2002 in Denmark and went live across the globe last month. Since then, the site has rejected nearly 1.8 million people from 190 countries, admitting just 360,000 new members."

From the website;

Do looks matter to you, when it comes to selecting a partner?
Do you want to guarantee your dates will always be beautiful?
No more filtering through unattractive people on mainstream sites.
Meet beautiful people locally and from around the world - now.

Online dating used to be a little taboo. Now it's getting more accepted, but apparently there's still one thing wrong with it; there's ugly people there!! Oh the horror..

Of course, everyone understands how humiliating it must be for Barbie herself to meet this wonderful guy she's been talking to, this potential Mr. Right (or at least Mr. Right Now and tonight) only to discover he looks like the Grinch. She must feel so violated!

The site has recently gone global so... where are Barbie and the Grinch from?

"Fewer than 12.5% of British men and 15% of women who have applied to BeautifulPeople.com have been accepted, an emailed statement from the website showed. Only the male Russian and Polish applicants fared worse than British men.

Swedish men have proved the most successful, with 65 percent being accepted, while Norwegian women are considered the most beautiful with 76 percent accepted."

I'm not entirely sure if knowing that people from your country are considered the most beautiful is a good thing or a terrible thing for those of us who would never even entertain the thought of trying to join a club like that (key word being trying), where looks are everything and personality nothing..

The site claims to be honest and not politically correct (in that they admit beauty is important when selecting a mate), and also offers a "Business Area for networking and employment opportunities" since looks are critical when doing business.

I guess this site is pretty much Superficial Central. I have a feeling I wouldn't like it there - and they sure wouldn't like me. The site has been criticized a bit but I'm thinking... if this keeps the most shallow people off other sites (because, let's face it, the rest of us can never measure up to them) that makes them steer well clear of me.
And that is definitely a good thing!

(apples - always looking for the silver lining!)

Google Wave..

2009-11-13T18:34:00.003+01:00

.. is apparently the new holy grail of the Internet.

They're getting so many requests, and have so many invites to send, that;

"Invitations will not be sent immediately.
We have a lot of stamps to lick. "

Don't you just love geeks with a sense of humour?

(apples - currently very embarassed I couldn't spell "grail" right without googling it..)

Threesome with a Realdoll?

2009-11-10T23:28:00.006+01:00

I've been getting a lot of hits on a post I did on Realdolls a while ago. I decided to google it.. or them.. and see what else is out there. I came across this entry on Craigslist;

"If you don't know what a Realdoll is, either look it up or you should probably just move on. For those that are aware, I'll give you the stats on my girl: Gabrielle has a Face 16, Body 5, she is about 4'10', lighter skin tone, black hair, trimmed pubic hair, and 32 E breasts. She is a hottie in every sense of the word.

If you are serious about this, we would like to hear from you. You must be respectful of both Gabrielle and myself. Neither of us have ever had a threesome before, so this will be new to both of us. Also, she isn't the most cooperative girl as far as positioning goes - although she is tiny, she is quite heavy. Perhaps with another guy present, it would open up additional possibilities. I'm not as picky as she is, so it would probably help your chances if you addressed your messages to her. She would love to hear your basic info and any thoughts/ideas for our threesome. She has several outfits she could wear for us."

Is this for real? It certainly could be. There are plenty of people out there who do way weirder things than have threesomes with their dolls. And I'm sure there are people who do way weirder things than pretend their dolls can read and are picky when it comes to men too..

But, in case this is only a joke (cuz it does sound just a bit too good to be true), man would it be fun to read the replies to an ad like that!

Snowflakes

2009-11-10T20:00:00.001+01:00

I found this cute site where you can make your own snowflakes without making a mess with all those little pieces of paper.

I don't know how people do it, mine (like the one on the right), didn't turn out anything like other people's...

What do you think?

Nothing to report

2009-11-10T18:40:00.000+01:00

I'm trying to think of something, but there's nothing there.

Basically.. winter is coming. No snow yet just temperatures below freezing. I've stayed inside the past couple days, hiding. My face looks like the cat gave me a makeover with her claws.

Which is exactly what she did.

But hey, my cheek stopped bleeding. And I'm just being very careful whenever she comes over pretending to be nice, because I know it means an attack is coming. Kittens can be cruel.

Other than that... I've decided it's time for a crush. It's been a long time and I miss the feeling. Or is that the kinda thing I'm not supposed to admit?

..girls are allowed, aren't we? :)

Laws in Tennessee : reasons why you shouldn't move there!

2009-11-04T21:42:00.007+01:00

You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.

It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law.
Dyersburg: It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
Lenior County: When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you are coming.
Memphis: It is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.

No calling guys, not driving alone, no oral sex... man would it suck to be a girl over there! More Tennessee laws at dumblaws.com.

Farmtown

2009-11-02T12:15:00.009+01:00

I've been playing Farmtown on Facebook for a while. I don't know why, I get absolutely nothing out of it, but I guess it's just one of those things.

Although an excellent way to waste time, there are a few things about Farmtown that are quite annoying - and you'll probably agree with me on this if you've played it yourself. Unless you're one of those people who do these things, in which case - STOP doing them!!

Beggars.
In the chatroom; "hire meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to wrkkkkkkkk!!!!" or somthing like
h
i
r
e
m
e
Over and over.
And over.
People who hire too many workers.
Imagine you're babysitting the neighbours' two kids. When you show up you're alone, but within the next few minutes, half a dozen other babysitters show up. The parents have hired all of you, and you have to share the money. You can choose to go home and earn nothing, or stay and earn a little. You all end up getting annoyed with each other.
Workers who step on your toes or follow you around when harvesting/plowing.
You're in a parking garage. It's practically empty, plenty of spots all around. As you've parked your car and are about to open the door, another car comes by. For no apparent reason it pulls up right next to you, so close you can barely open the door. If you ask why, the driver of the other car gets pissy and tells you to shut up.
People who hire others without having work to do.
This time you're a plumber. You get a call from someone who needs your help, you drive to their place (after waiting the apropriate amount of time, your being a plumber and all). When you get there you realize they either aren't there, or they don't need your help. If you ask why they hired you, they get pissy and tell you to shut up.
People who have a weird relationship with their trees.
You're a housekeeper. You're hired to clean someone's apartment. You do your thing, spend some time, collect your pay. They then start screaming at you, and telling the whole town not to hire you, because you dared tidy up their kitchen! They never told you to clean the kitchen, how dare you?!? Did they tell you to do the whole house but the kitchen? Nope.

Now... you may wonder why I play this game when there are so many things that annoy me. Truth be told, I wonder the same myself...

But honestly - these things.. they're not my problem.
The problem is everybody else ;)

(See also: Facebook - the Annoying Contacts)

Chocolate Spiders

2009-10-29T19:36:00.012+01:00

Don't you just love them?

Get over to Katies Corner to find out how to make these little treats.

I'm thinking Halloween... and we really should have a small child in our family.. but to be honest I think my sister and I will do just fine.

...

OnePiece.no

2009-10-29T14:15:00.008+01:00

Exactly how stupid do these look?

They're called (you guessed it) - OnePiece!
Their slogan? "Jump in".

I have a feeling this is going to be something people look back at and go "what the hell were we thinking?!?", much like 80s hair.

Despite my initial reaction, I have found some upsides to this rather odd item of... lounging;

They're probably very comfy.
Easy gig for the models.
They make it easy to disguise yourself if you're having a bad hair day or, say, want to rob a bank.
They prolong the effect of beer goggles, according to the ad; "If you buy the biggest size you might also be able to fit in the wonderful person you dragged with you home from the city last night..."

This is probably more of an upside to others; they not only look stupid, they make you stupid too!

So what are you waiting for?
Go get one before it's too late!

Dreaming of the 28th

2009-10-28T11:37:00.003+01:00

Something in me seems to have a hard time giving up on being a student.

When I wake up in the mornings I get a tiny little bit panicky because I've postponed an assignment for so long, for months, and now it has to be handed in on the 28th!

It takes me about a minute to realize that "I've finished school. There are no more papers!" I think I'm getting flashbacks to the last paper I wrote at uni, but I can't figure out why the date 28 keeps popping up. I guess it just takes a while to get used to not stressing over exams anymore.

Today is the 28th.. I guess we'll just have to see what the day brings.

To Flu or Not to Flu

2009-10-23T16:12:00.011+02:00

After seeming to disappear for a while, the swine flu has claimed its first victims around the country. In town, half the kids in school have been home sick this week; if they get symptoms they have to stay home for seven days, so how many actually has the flu is uncertain. The vaccines have arrived though, and those in the most vulnerable groups have started getting it, while it is recommended everyone get it as soon as possible.

I'm a little torn. On the one hand I hate being sick. I hate it so much I only do it once every couple of years. I'd do a lot to avoid getting sick. And if, in spite of my hatred, the virus picked me, I wouldn't want to make my whole family sick.

On the other hand, I feel everyone is overreacting. Keeping kids home for a week if they as much as cough, slaughtering pigs by the thousands, the media reporting every single death (9 so far) even though fewer die than from regular flu any other year.

People running around worried they'll get get it, quarantining everyone, arguing over vaccines. Add to that the fact that most people in other countries can't afford to buy it, and that they, the poorest in the world, are much more likely to die if they do get sick (whether it's this flu or not). Mix in a copious amount of solidarity, and you've got a pretty reluctant me.

I'm not sure what I'll decide to do if I have to make up my mind.

Which, incidentally, I might not have to. My sister is sick and coming home from school. The parents are driving a couple hours to pick her up and if she does have the flu, she'll be home for a week. Plenty of time to give it to the rest of us!